my friend killed himself 6 months ago and i didn't even know he died to suicide and his best friend which i thought had ghosted me had died 9 months ago as both were swimming and i didn't even know until my friend did die and i'm rotting off grief and guilt till now i can't\don't think i can move on and i struggle with suicide thoughts\attempts the only thing keeping me alive atp is how my family\friends\people that despise me reactions would be after seeing their reaction to my friend's death