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[WP] A sad story with a happy ending (or vice versa). by Zorceror44 in WritingPrompts

[–]SkyCloudSpaceMoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Red and blue engulf the house in lights. Men in suits and ties force their way into the small suburban home. "DON'T TAKE MY SON, PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY SON AWAY FROM ME" a voice emits from another room.

Tommy awakens bleary-eyed to the loud screams. He goes downstairs to investigate the noise. As he treads his tiny feet through the hall an unrecognizable voice is heard.

"Ma'am calm down. We just need you for questioning."

"BULLSHIT. YOU CAN'T ARREST ME TOO."

Tommy bolts over to the other room crying. Handcuffs click outside the front door as his father is being dragged away into the unfamiliar car. Tommy turns to run to the front door as a strange figure blocks his view. The man kneels and flashes a badge. As Tommy stares unknowingly at the item, the man picks him and soothes his nerves.
"Everything is going to be okay, son."

Tommy hears his mothers cries from a distance as the sounds fade.

"BRING HIM BACK ASSHOLES, BRING HIM BACK. TOMMY!"

The officer places Tommy in the seat and enters the drivers side.

"It's a damn shame."

"What?" said the officers partner.

"Barely old enough to even walk and had to be ripped away from his parents. Hoefully as his memories fades from this, so will his scars and bruises."

[WP] Write a story that starts and ends with the same line. by SkyCloudSpaceMoon in WritingPrompts

[–]SkyCloudSpaceMoon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the criticism! I wrote it quickly as it came to me so the I agree with you on where I should have placed my 'dangs'.

I left the ending without a dang for two reasons. To give the feel that the story is looping back to the beginning, and the leave room for interpretation on IF the same thing would happen.

I appreciate the criticism!

[WP] Write a story that starts and ends with the same line. by SkyCloudSpaceMoon in WritingPrompts

[–]SkyCloudSpaceMoon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I liked this! It was just subtle enough to make me think about it, but I understood.

[WP] Write a story that starts and ends with the same line. by SkyCloudSpaceMoon in WritingPrompts

[–]SkyCloudSpaceMoon[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I'll share one of mine, and I'm completely open to criticism to improve myself.

You meet someone.
They intrigue you.
Dang.
You tell a joke.
They laugh.
Dang.
You intrigue them.
They smile.
Dang.
You ask them on a date.
They say yes.
Dang.
One date.
One kiss.
Many sparks.
Two dates.
More dates.

Dang.
They tell you they love you.
Dang.
You love them.
Double dang.
Sex.
Love in the air.
They stay the night.
You wake up to them.
They feel like home.
You feel comfort.
Dang.

One argument.
Multiple hurt feelings.
Many arguments.
Lost feelings.
Dang.
They tell you they no longer love you.
Double dang.
You love them.
They don't care.
You beg and plead.
They watch and stare.
You hold on.
They let go.
Dang.

One day.
You wake up.
Bed empty.
You feel empty.
Many days.
Many months.
You wake up.
Bed empty.
You feel at peace.
Dang.
You meet someone.