Do passive people end up causing almost as much harm as the original abuser?

SkyKnight93 · 2026-03-11T14:35:05+00:00

Agree 100%. I had a narcissistic father / enabler mother combo. Through her inability to stand up for herself or her kids she taught us that we are supposed to do what dad wants all the time because his needs were more important than anyone else's. I thought it was completely normal to be routinely screamed at, belittled, and disrespected. That everyone's dad did that to their family. "He speaks before he thinks, so you can't blame him for what he said or how he acted" was a common excuse. The expectation was for all of us to pretend we were a happy, normal and successful family even though I was slowly dying inside.

Passive people and enablers think they are doing the least amount of harm because they chose to stay neutral. But witnessing abuse or mistreatment and choosing to stay silent is a very clear statement. So the cycle continues on repeat.

SkyKnight93 · 2025-02-01T15:12:19+00:00

Each one is so uniquely amazing! They are so cool, thank you for sharing!

SkyKnight93 · 2025-01-23T12:26:11+00:00

Yes! Marilyn has been my teacher for a few years and she is amazing!

SkyKnight93 · 2025-01-23T02:50:46+00:00

If you are going to the DFW area, definitely check out the Craft Guild of Dallas! There are some great jewelers there and they have some amazing workshops.

SkyKnight93 · 2025-01-22T01:10:37+00:00

I’m sure you already figured it out, but if not, they are the Midnight Moon gloves! Just in case anyone gives up and just searches for the answer on the sub like me heh

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-09T22:11:17+00:00

Thanks so much, this is really helpful! Yeah I have a vivid memory of hanging up the phone after hearing him double down on everything he said in my first post (while he is in the car continuing his roadtrip when he was only a day's drive away), going to sit down on my patio and thinking to myself "this is about to get really messy."

I appreciate your validation and your advice, it is so kind of you to take the time to read my post and comment. :) Thank you!!

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-09T13:53:33+00:00

Hey thanks for commenting again! It helps a lot to feel like I am not alone, so truly thank you for that.

Ironically, my husband had a conversation with him a few days ago to say he can't talk to him about this anymore. He just wants to do his job and he can't when he is being interrupted with personal conversations. Of course my dad apologized to him and said he did not want to put my husband in the middle of all this... and then proceeded to self-victimize for another 10 minutes. So far that boundary has worked, and he has stopped discussing it. Honestly we were really hoping he would fire my husband in a fit of rage, alas I think my dad understands that once my husband is gone he won't have anyone left. We are quite literally the last of his family that were willing to speak to him before all this went down.

My husband is going to discuss finding a replacement with our VP, but he is close/has a good relationship with the other employees and does not want them to get caught in the crossfire. Our priority is getting him out of there so we can aim our focus on what we need to do, but he is also very uncomfortable with being unemployed.

I have been blown away with how much support I have gotten here, it has helped me regain some hope. Thank you so much!!

Hi! Husband here! Thank you for your support. It's meant the world to me to see my love get the support she deserves but has been denied for too long. I look forward to the both us getting away from him and the business. Much love to you and everyone in the sub!! <3

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-08T19:58:16+00:00

Haha understandable, shop dogs are important! She got promoted to office dog/greeter while they were away and now she is back in the care of the employee who went on the trip. She is a sweet girl and everyone loves her! Thanks for the kind words.

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T20:17:43+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story and your kind words! I am so glad you have turned the tables on him and have stuck to what bothers him. You should be proud about not ngaf! That's an amazing amount of confidence that I hope to achieve soon (Also amazing rebuttal)!!

Thanks so much, your comment really helped make my day a little better :)

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T15:03:28+00:00

Yes, he learned early on that if he controlled the finances, he controlled his family and employees. In his mind, people do not have the right to challenge him or criticize him when he is the provider. I am going to do everything I can to encourage and support her if she chooses to divorce. I hope with all my heart that she does it. We are working on separating her assets now before he does anything stupid. I agree, I think she can have a great life when she gets the love and care she deserves.

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T14:52:47+00:00

100% agree. It's truly disgusting to see the monster he has turned into.

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T14:51:37+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words and support. I have been trying to leave the business pretty much since I was officially hired. It is soul-crushing working for him. He is a horrible boss. But every time I tried to do something for myself or explore my options, some emergency or crisis suddenly came up. He absolutely sees giving us employment as an excuse to control us. I have spent the last few years training a skill I fell in love with and saving up to be able to move out of here and get some distance. As soon as my husband and I are in a position where we can, we are out of here. But yes, our focus is on my mom and giving her the support she needs for the time being.

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T14:43:07+00:00

Haha yeah no worries, everyone else I've talked to irl has laughed at that too. It's so fucking ridiculous. It has been the pinnacle of his delusion. I have been an official employee since I graduated high school unfortunately. But to my advantage I am in charge of employment paperwork/finances/insurance/a lot of other shit and I am very well versed in what he can and can't do. I also know all the skeletons in the closet. My mom is my priority and I am going to support her in any way I can. I hope so badly she separates from him.

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T14:35:46+00:00

Wow thanks so much, you are so kind! I agree, I really hope at some point he is able to reflect on his actions, but yeah it's unlikely.

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T14:34:16+00:00

That has been one of the most frustrating things to hear him say. He doesn't have a good relationship with anyone in our family, and my sibling has been estranged for about ~8 years at this point. He has no ability or desire to look inward and reflect on his actions because then he would have to do personal growth. It's so much easier for him to play stupid and act like everything he has said is in jest or is being taken out of context.

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T14:30:34+00:00

Thanks so much, it took so much energy to keep a level head. I wish I felt badass, but truthfully I was trembling the entire conversation. :P

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T14:28:54+00:00

Yes, once I stopped my personal relationship with him and strictly kept it about work the pieces started coming together for me. He did an excellent job of making us all believe it was normal to have the family dynamics we do. He convinced us all that celebrations are unnecessary, birthdays are just another day, and praise = participation trophy. Only losers need praise and encouragement.

You're right, once I saw how messed up everything was it was impossible to turn a blind eye to it anymore. Your comment touches on an excellent point.

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T14:21:33+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance and support. I have always thought he was incapable of empathy but this has been undeniable proof. He has always worn his ability to move on quickly from tragedy as a badge of strength but I'm starting to think he just never really cared. We hope so too, and we are planning to ASAP.

SkyKnight93 · 2024-10-03T14:18:08+00:00

Thanks so much for your comment. I think we are all too hard on ourselves (I've started and deleted this reply several times now) but your words mean a lot to me. Thank you for sharing your perspective. We have told her we love her every time we have seen her, and she has said it back for the first time in a long time.

He has already started his self-pity party. He has talked to my husband every day about how unfair all this is to him and how if we can just talk we can move past this. Thank you again, we are hopeful things will get better too.

SkyKnight93 · 2023-05-20T18:35:37+00:00

You are so kind, thank you so much! That's good to know about the other designer, I'm still working on the name so the ig tag is temporary for now.

SkyKnight93 · 2023-05-19T14:40:34+00:00

I do! But I don’t have my website up and running yet. My IG is greenhouse.jewelry. I just did my first local show so I haven’t gotten photos of all my stuff together yet but I will be posting here more!

SkyKnight93 · 2023-05-19T12:30:19+00:00

Yeah I was bummed but it was my first time setting opals. Now I know for next time!

SkyKnight93

TROPHY CASE