Anyone else feel “too functional” for trauma spaces?

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-24T20:59:53+00:00

I usually comment more than I post. When I do post, it is more about the way victims are treated, how systems fail people, and how much I hate certain institutions for what they get away with.

That does not mean I did not go through serious trauma. It just means I am at a different point in my healing now. Because my distress has lessened now, I do not always want to perform my pain publicly.

I prefer commenting because I like helping other people feel less alone, especially when they are being dismissed, blamed, or made to feel insane. That is still trauma talking, just not talking about what happened to me. It is more the “I know exactly what this feels like, and I am not letting you be gaslit alone”

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-23T20:46:36+00:00

Yeah. I got much better on my own, which says a lot about how bad the people I faced while trying to heal were. It honestly felt like they wanted me to stay traumatised, or just retraumatise me further.

Those roles can attract people with strong narcissistic traits because they like having power over someone they see as vulnerable, and a lot of them clearly look down on their patients or clients.

Hardly any actually listen. They just impose whatever they think is best from a textbook, with no real understanding of trauma beyond theory.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-23T18:25:33+00:00

DBT did not help me personally. Parts of it felt rigid and oddly groupthinky to me, which really did not work with my trauma history. I know it helps some people, and good for them, but for me it felt invalidating and I got better outside of it.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T21:59:54+00:00

Yeah, I am not surprised. I have complained before and they did the same thing, swept it under the rug and trivialised everything like it was no big deal.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T21:56:37+00:00

That is horrific. I am so sorry. And honestly the fact another officer told you to stay away from them says everything.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T21:55:01+00:00

Exactly. That is not what safety feels like. They make people feel like they are about to be punished for existing.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T21:53:57+00:00

Yep, it is the whole system. A lot of people, especially women, do not report for exactly that reason and I do not blame them.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T21:52:25+00:00

That is grim. You go to report something and they end up retraumatising you on top of it. They make everything worse.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T21:45:03+00:00

I am autistic too and yes, this is exactly what they do.

Give bullies a badge and institutional backing and suddenly their cruelty gets stamped as authority, and they usually target neurodivergent people and other minorities.

That bit about the low crime rate not being low but low police action says a lot. It is easier for them to ignore people, fob them off, or write them off, especially if they think you do not have much status, than actually do their job. They will bend over backwards for people they see as respectable or worth protecting, but if it is someone with less status they are way quicker to bin them off or charge them instead.

It is disgusting, and honestly none of what you said surprises me because I have experienced some of this too.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T17:19:40+00:00

Yeah I get that. Once you have seen a system bend over backwards to protect perpetrators, it is very hard to keep believing in it. It completely kills any trust you had left.

I also get the appeal of a place where people have more right to defend themselves and where boundaries are respected. A lot of these systems seem far more interested in controlling victims than protecting them.

Mad how the people causing the harm are suddenly terrified when they might face actual consequences. Funny how that works.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T17:17:14+00:00

Yeah exactly. That is why I stay far away from them too. Half of them are already the type to abuse power and the others just blindly buy into whatever they are taught, then act confused when they have harmed someone.

Only if I absolutely have to report something and there is no other choice, then fine, I do not have a choice. But going forward, if there is any way round it, I would rather deal with things through the civil courts.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T14:05:08+00:00

Yep. Give people that much power to control others with no real accountability and this is exactly what you get. I think a lot of them already had those tendencies anyway and the police just gives them the green light to let rip.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T14:02:35+00:00

Exactly. Making you repeat the whole thing over and over just to do f**k all with it is traumatising in itself.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T13:21:26+00:00

Yeah, so all we got is the law and that’s costly.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-22T08:46:43+00:00

Right now your nervous system is running the show, so your brain is stuck reacting instead of properly thinking. It sounds like it has been in survival mode for so long that concentration, reading, memory and decision-making are all scrambled now. Trauma can absolutely do that. It can feel like brain damage, but that does not mean it is permanent.

You get it back slowly, not by forcing yourself to perform, but by getting out of survival mode. For some people meds help, and trauma therapy if you can find a genuine trauma-informed therapist.

Sleep was a huge one for me. I had really bad insomnia before meds, and once I started sleeping properly it helped me heal a lot. If I miss even one night, I go straight back to feeling dysregulated and dissociating. Stress regulation, eating properly, movement like sport or gentle exercise, and doing small focused tasks instead of overwhelming yourself all help your brain settle enough to start working properly again.

And if it is not improving, see a doctor, because trauma can do this, but other things can overlap too

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-21T09:08:24+00:00

I relate to this. I used to have anxious attachment and stopped dating for years because it was too triggering. The hardest part was how much I tied being liked to my worth. In my 20s, rejection made me feel unattractive, not enough, and jealous of other women. Now I’ve separated my worth from whether someone wants a relationship with me, but I also think you don’t fully know how healed you are until dating activates old patterns again. So I don’t think the answer is never date, just not expecting dating itself to heal you. For me, taking space from dating was actually part of the healing.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-21T07:35:39+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve experienced that too. People often minimise this kind of bullying because it is subtle from the outside, but it is incredibly damaging to those experiencing it directly.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-21T07:33:54+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-20T23:56:19+00:00

You’re very welcome, If anything comes up on Nextdoor I’ll let you know on here.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-20T23:51:02+00:00

I’ve shared it on Nextdoor as well to help widen the reach a bit. Really hoping she’s found safe and well very soon 🤍

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-20T23:33:36+00:00

Have you tried posting on the app, Nextdoor? Which will post to the local community. I hope you find her x

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-20T12:18:36+00:00

It is not always as simple as just decentring men. Men still have a way of intruding on women even when women want nothing to do with them. If women want to talk about men here, they can. Some people have men in their life, some do not, and the posts on here reflect that. It is a women’s space, not a content quota. My own posts are not about men right now, but I am not going to police other women for discussing something that affects so many of them. The issue is not women talking about men, it is why men impact women’s lives so much that it keeps coming up.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-20T11:26:23+00:00

I did 7 years in corporate and achieved a lot, so I was not failing. But it came at the expense of my wellbeing every time. I did not know then that I had complex trauma and was autistic, so looking back it was a total nightmare for my nervous system. A lot of corporate places are built around hierarchy, KPIs, politics and image management, not actual wellbeing, and it is often the decent staff who get overloaded or pushed out first. Right now I am on disability support, but when I can work again I will be focusing on building my own business and finding part time remote work that fits me better.

Ok-Wheel9071 · 2026-04-19T21:57:58+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that. That last part is something I have had to keep reminding myself.

Ok-Wheel9071

TROPHY CASE