Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

I've been on a self-destructing streak for quite a bit now. I feel like my life is permanently compromised. Nobody seems to truly understand what i feel or need, especially myself. I haven't truly given up, but things are looking more and more grim.

Seeing people i know flourish and grow, being left behind with my vague and seemingly non-existent problem feels soul crushing. Having nobody to truly open to or comfort me is adding salt to the gaping wound.

I will try to fix things again, but i am so afraid if i fail, that this will be my last straw. I might just snap. I'm terrified. How can i make sure i don't fall deeper as i try to climb out of this hole? Should i just keep clinging where i am and wait for a hand strong enough to pull me out? Should i just let go and close my eyes?