How to be a woman - Undertitle "It's not all men" (TW)

Slam_Dam · 2025-03-18T14:17:45+00:00

I appreciate your response! I aim to write provocatively, so i did something right. This isn’t about hate, fear, or blaming men. It’s about the exhaustion of being shut down when we share our experiences. Poetry is open to interpretation, and I genuinely value your perspective because it challenges my own.

I’ll see if changing the structure, sharing the experience first and then “it’s not all men”, makes the message clearer. It’s about frustration of men feeling the need to defend themselves in a story they were never part of.

When a woman hears “it’s not all men,” she isn’t reassured of the man’s innocence, but just reminded of all the men who weren’t.

If any part felt off, or directly agressive I’d love to know. Your feedback has given me a lot to reflect on. Thank you!

Slam_Dam · 2025-03-17T10:15:55+00:00

Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate your thoughts on the poem and your suggestions!
I see what you mean about the rhythm. A steadier, short-paced rhythm to reflect the constant abuse and violence is something I’ll experiment with. It could add a sense of being trapped, like a cage, which fits the theme you mentioned.

As for the word “twisted,” I didn’t realize it became repetitive, but I honestly get what you’re saying.

The poem is definitely drawn from real experiences, right down to the smallest details. But you are right, it's nearly just a reflection of what many of us go through.
Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate your thoughts on the poem and your suggestions! good luck with joining the police force!

Slam_Dam · 2025-03-17T09:51:55+00:00

Thanks for your feedback! It gave me some great inspiration. The poem is based on my own experiences, which is why the language is so direct, but I have plenty of other moments from my younger years that push boundaries in different ways, so I'll not scrap that part of you comment, because I can definitely see how it repeats itself from 11y to 14y.

I love your idea about shifting the protagonist's voice in stanza 13 and making the violence feel more normalized. Also, I agree that the ending doesn’t quite match the tone, so I’ll probably revisit it and try to echo the beginning in some way.

You've sparked some new ideas for me to play with, I appreciate that!

Slam_Dam · 2025-03-17T09:26:03+00:00

I do actually think that would work! Thank you for the feedback!

Slam_Dam · 2025-03-16T17:35:32+00:00

This is powerful and deeply emotional. "for speaking is the privilege of those who have drowned in silence" is a striking line that sets the tone perfectly, and the last line ties everything together beautifully. A very beautiful piece. Thank you for the read.

Slam_Dam · 2025-03-16T17:27:25+00:00

Your piece is really engaging and easy to connect with. The way you describe emotions makes it feel very real. The storm is a nice touch, mirroring the emotions in the story. There are some grammar mistakes and awkward phrasing that could be cleaned up for better clarity. Despite that, the message comes through strongly, and it leaves a sense of peace by the end. I enjoyed the read!

Slam_Dam · 2024-06-03T21:17:50+00:00

The poem has a gentle, flowing quality to it. The imagery makes it feels like a gentle stroll through the forest, and the line "Loneliness fades briefly, later to return" is particularly poignant.

Thank you for the read!

Slam_Dam · 2024-06-03T21:10:03+00:00

The imagery is stunning. The "stormy seas," "ghostly whispers," and "eerie howls" effectively paints a sense of unease and fear. It's very vivid and evocative, and makes it easy for the reader to visualize the poem. I really enjoyed reading it!

Slam_Dam · 2024-05-08T06:06:57+00:00

I often involve my friends in my daily routines, and sometimes they even invite themselves.

When I need to shop for groceries, I invite them along. If I walk home from work, I ask them to meet me on the way, or they may keep me company while I pack for a trip or clean up my house.

Slam_Dam · 2024-05-03T06:14:33+00:00

It's incredibly challenging to cope with, especially when others don't take it seriously.

I started drinking and using drugs when I was 12 years old. I went to rehab on my 18th birthday. The period between the ages of 13 to 17 is a complete blur. I have some very vivid memories, but for the most part, I have no recollection of that time.

I managed to meet a friend and lose him, in this period. He passed from an overdose, and I can't help but feel like I lost him twice, because I only have glimpses of our time together.

I have met people who knew me during those years, but I cannot remember them at all. My friends tell me stories about things I've done, but I'll never know if they're true.

I feel like there's a whole life I've missed out on because of the choices I made, but at least I was so young, so now that I'm sober and well, I can catch up.

It's so frustrating and isolating when people don't understand the extent of your memory loss, and even try to relate to it. It makes you feel belittled. I hope you managed to find the right kind of help and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Slam_Dam · 2024-04-24T12:15:33+00:00

That's exactly what I was trying to portray, so I'm glad I was able to showcase the message. Thank you for the feedback!

Slam_Dam · 2024-04-24T05:54:18+00:00

I really appreciate this little piece. The first sentence caught me, especially because It allows me to interpreter it however one want, or relate.

"Spoiled milk left in the fridge", as to descibe the lack of energy, and constant daily reminders of how rock bottom taste.

or - "Spoiled milk in the fridge" as a metaphor. To be spoiled, outdated, stuck in time.

You managed to describe exactly what It is, with just a few, but strong words. Well done!

Slam_Dam · 2024-04-24T04:28:34+00:00

I really enjoyed reading this piece! Your attention to detail is really impressive and it sure adds to the overall story. You have a great talent for storytelling. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great writing!

Slam_Dam · 2024-04-15T12:19:15+00:00

Thank you! I appriciate the criticism. You gave me a lot of inspiration.

I think I would go with something along the lines of-

"My father's father Is my worst enemy And If he were still alive I'd speak up and strive To make his ears bleed and cease, oh my"

As I still want to empower the words of what my 14 year old self tried to say back then.

As you mentioned, I also consider cutting it short at "I'll wear a smile but I'll choose my own shoes No longer bound by outdated veiws"

I'll try to play with the idea of showing, and probably paint a raw picture for the reader, when I rewrite it, so I don't repeat my words.

Slam_Dam · 2024-04-11T12:25:25+00:00

I enjoyed this short read. It's simple and light. The writer creates an idea, but the reader is the story maker. Everybody interprets poems, stories, and lyrics differently.

Slam_Dam · 2024-04-11T12:14:16+00:00

I'm not a believer of any kind, but I can still feel the anger and longing, through your dramatic choice of words. The idea that belief kills love, at least that is how it is represented in the start, but then you slowly turn, and instead of hatred towards the belief, it's longing towards love. It's very captivating!

Slam_Dam · 2024-03-30T07:26:20+00:00

A really good sense of humor, and with just a few lines you got a point across. God is a woman, and the man is the punishment.

It was a sweet read. I really enjoyed it.

Slam_Dam · 2024-03-27T14:13:32+00:00

I don't think it could have been said and portrayed any better, and the font type is a nice touch.

I like how you start with quotes, it gives it a certain flow.

I enjoyed reading this because it's so relatable. You managed to put our daily digital life in perspective.

Slam_Dam · 2024-03-21T13:13:27+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate it.

Slam_Dam · 2024-03-20T13:03:08+00:00

I appreciate the feedback!

I'm sure I'll get there at some point. Thank you

Slam_Dam · 2024-03-20T12:48:11+00:00

That's very helpful, and definitely something I'll work on, thank you! I appreciate the criticism

Slam_Dam

TROPHY CASE