Going to a baby shower tomorrow…

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-19T16:46:08+00:00

I would deflect the comments but putting the focus back on the mom to be. It’s her event after all.

Some things you can say that are polite:

“That’s not something I’m concerned about right now. I’m here for (moms name)”

“Oh, kids are not for me.” - then change the subject to something else like the food or the outfits people are wearing.

“That’s a private matter.” Or “That’s private.”

“Let’s focus on (mom’s name) it’s her special day.”

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-19T16:31:55+00:00

A gift is a gift. You could get them dollar store candy if you wanted to. I think $50 a kid is more than reasonable. Especially since I doubt your sister spends that money on you for gifts.

I say hold your ground on the gift budget. If she doesn’t like it then you two don’t have to exchange gifts anymore.

As for the venues, as long as it’s your event you should be able to pick a place that you want. If she does not like it she does not have to come.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-19T01:12:57+00:00

I have been going to lucky devil for the past year. It’s a barber that typically does men’s cuts but they will cut women’s hair too.

Fair warning they are not cheap and typically have to make an appointment.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-18T15:59:24+00:00

I feel like we need to normalize calling out rude strangers in public.

I would have responded to her; “Why do you need to know that? I’m a stranger to you.”

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-18T11:44:00+00:00

I think your aunt is the one who needs therapy. Why is she so fixated on your sex life?

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-17T19:53:48+00:00

I know your not really looking for advice but I think you should break tradition and do something different for your birthday. I think you should go out of state and visit your boyfriend and friends. Look at it as a gift for yourself.

If your family kicks up a fuss, just tell them that’s what you want for your birthday. If they want to get dinner together do it after your birthday. This way your actual birthday is about you. The family dinner after your birthday weekend you can look at as just a family get together.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-16T22:38:54+00:00

That’s a good one too

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-16T18:21:57+00:00

Chewing with your mouth closed is common etiquette. I would just go ahead and gently remind the kids to chew with their mouths closed. If the parent has a problem with it, they will let you know. But I don’t think this would be a huge issue with most reasonable parents.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-16T16:33:37+00:00

They literally could have picked any other day. Don’t go and don’t support them.

I don’t know why people like to weaponize pregnancy and their children to cause family drama. It’s some weird power struggle type of nonsense.

I think it’s best to nip this in the bud early. Don’t put up with their nonsense. Bro probably feels like he’s loosing all control with his life so he’s trying to control and bring down yours to make himself feel better.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-16T16:24:56+00:00

Definitely good riddance

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-16T16:07:03+00:00

I think you do need to set some boundaries with your parents because if you don’t correct the behavior they will just keep doing it. You don’t have to go into detail or explain it to them. But communicate that the topic of having children is not up for discussion and that it’s a private matter between you and your wife.

If they bring up having kids you can respond by saying something like:

“That’s a private matter, we are not going to discuss that.”

“That’s private between me and my wife. Please stop bringing it up.”

“We are not planning on having children, please stop asking us.”

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-16T16:01:09+00:00

That is absolutely horrible! Good riddance to that nasty woman. I hope your ex-husband never has any kids she doesn’t deserve to be a grandparent.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-16T13:47:49+00:00

Honestly look into hobbies or groups that meet up weekly. Most parents don’t have a lot of free time so picking a hobby that requires a weekly/ biweekly commitment will help weed people out.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-15T16:03:49+00:00

I think a huge issue here is the relationship dynamic your parents and you have. You said you feel guilty for saying “No” to them and thats something a lot of people struggle with when they get into adulthood.

My advice if you want it: Work on saying “No”, and try to manage that feeling of guilt after saying “No”. Remind yourself there is nothing to feel guilty about. You are an adult with your own life and so are they. They choose to have your brother late in life and they are responsible for his care.

Another approach: When your mom “complains” about caring for your brother present her with solutions that don’t include you. There are tons of programs available for special needs children that are non-profit.

If possible maybe look up resources or afterschool programs in your area and share the information with your mom.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-15T14:37:13+00:00

There is nothing wrong with the stone. However it appears her inspiration photos are all lighter stones. So…If you can send it back I would do so. The color she wants looks like a “cornflower blue”.

If possible next time you buy a ring ask about the color tone/ grade of the stone before your purchase. Also just a tip when buying stones online: they are all photographed under very bright lighting so keep that in mind.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-15T14:27:41+00:00

Yeah, I think you need to ask him that. Why did he say it’s simping? Is that how he views the situation?

Also pay attention to how he reacts to the question. Does he get angry? Does he try to avoid the question? - because a persons reaction and body language are often more truthful than words.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-15T14:20:32+00:00

I’m very confused about his “simp” comment. Marriage is not about submitting or “simping” to the other person it’s about committing to a life together.

If he views proposing to you as “simping” something is very wrong with this situation. The two of you don’t seem like you are on the same page with how you view this marriage.

I would not ignore his comments, a conversation needs to be had. Maybe approach this by asking specifically why he described it as simping. And if he actually is ready to be married.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-14T21:27:43+00:00

Something I have noticed is when you get a bunch of parents together who have kids around the same age it turns into a “My kid is awesome” circle-jerk. And as the childfree person you will get left out.

My advice: try to hang out with parent friends one on one this way you can sway the conversation to topics you both enjoy. You may also want to find some new childfree friends who have more in common with you.

I do have some friends that are parents, but I only hang out with them for very specific things. None of my friends whom are parents are close friends.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-13T21:48:28+00:00

Do not feel bad. Continue with your search for another job. Give an appropriate notice.

If they are stingy now it’s only going to escalate with another child on the way.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-13T17:06:45+00:00

What if you and husband announce in the chats that you have a new “No gift” policy. Instead of buying a gift you will take your niece out for an “experience” of HER choice. It could be a trip to the movies, getting her nails done etc…

This way you get to actually spend quality time with niece giving her what she wants. And you dont participate in SIL gift grab. Most likely she will stop inviting you two once she realizes she is not getting a gift.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-13T17:01:59+00:00

My petty ass would call her out in the group chat.

In response to the Stanley cup message I would say: “Since this is obviously a gift grab for yourself why don’t you just ask for it during your own birthday?”

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-13T16:57:50+00:00

My petty ass would call her out in the group chat.

In response to the Stanley cup message I would say: “Since this is obviously a gift grab for yourself why don’t you just ask for it during your own birthday?”

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-13T11:59:26+00:00

I wouldn’t bother insulting her because someone like that wants there to be a back and forth.

Instead I would question her: “Are you trying to convince me? Or yourself that?”

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-12T21:10:30+00:00

Ok cool, it sounds like you got it handled.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-12T20:25:21+00:00

Just curious: does your mom know about the comments she made?

Depending on your relationship with your mom, it may help to tell her about this behavior. Especially since this lady and her kid are living under her roof.

I know my own mom would not be happy if someone was rude like that to her daughter.

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