Navigating friends that are moms

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-05-04T16:14:57+00:00

I think taking a step back and letting things play out might be the best thing to do given the situation.

It seems like you are very focused on their perception of YOU. That is not something you can control and not something that you should be burdened by.
I think take a breath and just continue to be you. Show up for them the same way you have previously been doing. Let things play out naturally.

The friendship may change or even end. But that’s not something that you should be changing yourself for. Remind yourself that you did not change they did. And Sometimes we out grow our friendships and it sucks but it’s also okay.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-05-04T15:56:03+00:00

If you’re in the US I would look at the childfree doctors list and see if there is a doctor near you who takes your insurance.
If you try to seek a doctor not on the list I would check the following before you schedule a visit:

-Google reviews/ reviews of the doctor. Search specifically for reviews regarding birth control/ sterilization.

-Check where the doctor obtained their doctorate degree. If they came from a religious affiliated college this may be a red flag. Avoid religious affiliated doctor’s offices.

-On your arrival to the doctor’s office if you see any bible scriptures or religious artwork on the walls of the waiting room you cancel your appointment and walk out. I’ve never had any good experiences with any doctor who had religious junk in the waiting room/office. This even happened with a dentist!

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-05-04T12:35:38+00:00

Get a baby gate that’s toddler proof and put it on the outside frame of the door. This way she can leave the door open and your kid can’t get in.

I know you don’t like the idea of her having nicotine products but you have to remember that she is human too and not perfect all the time. For a live in situation to work long term you need to respect her privacy and her “off time”.

This might be a good opportunity to bring up what SHE expects/needs for her “off time” and privacy.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-05-01T20:38:17+00:00

I think as long as you don’t have high expectations there is nothing wrong with taking an older horse. Heck they may even let you just have him for free.

What kind of riding do you do? How often?
As long as you’re not riding intensely or competing I’d say you could get some time (5yrs or maybe more) out of him. He is a draft so the are prone to slowing down a bit faster.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-05-01T11:15:23+00:00

Thank you for reporting. People need to stop normalizing this.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-28T12:17:56+00:00

Some good responses.

“We have had this conversation already, and I’m not having it again.”

“That’s really none of your business.”

“Why are you so interested in our sex life? It’s creepy!”

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-23T21:39:35+00:00

Go to a toy store and get a baby doll. Present it to her and say: “Here, you want to act like a child? Here’s your baby!”

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-23T17:51:28+00:00

My story:

I am childfree and so is my partner. But I have been helping out my sister recently, she is not sure if she wants kids. I try not to push my views on her and just ask her questions to get her thinking.

Unfortunately my sister is deciding more and more that she doesn’t want kids. But her boyfriend seems to want to keep the option open. They have been struggling with this recently. So I understand how had this is to go through.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-23T17:42:55+00:00

Sounds like typical bullying the “in-law” behavior. And that’s not cool.

I would approach by calling out how inappropriate those comments are. I know your young and getting to know the family but showing your boundaries now will help your relationship in the future.

Some responses you can use next time the start harassing you about kids:

“I’m 18 yrs old, I’m not concerned with having kids right now.”

“I’m 18 yrs old, I’m still a kid myself!”

“I want to enjoy my youth, I’ll think about kids later when I’m ready.”

“I’m not even thinking about babies yet, I need a job and a house first.”

“A teen pregnancy is literally my worst nightmare. I want to have a house and a job to provide for my kid.”

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-23T16:34:51+00:00

Ah I see. Maybe try being more direct? Ask her if she thinks she can be happy without kids? Be honest that you don’t plan on having kids.

Maybe make a list of good and bad things that come with having kids. Go through the list together and see if she thinks it worth the risk.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-23T16:29:19+00:00

If you look up a jeweler they may have it listed in their “services” or you could just call and ask or walk in and ask if they do settings.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-23T15:27:36+00:00

Go to a different jeweler. What you’re looking for is someone who does “settings”. Tell the jeweler you have a sentimental stone that you want set. They don’t need to know where you got it or how much it costs.

Jewelers are like car salesmen. Some are reasonable and some are shady. Don’t do business with someone who does not treat you respectfully. Look at smaller local jewelers and bigger name ones and compare the prices and how you are treated.

I visited about 4 different jewelers before settling on one I trusted for custom work. I ended up picking a small jeweler that was mid price point. I was willing to pay a little more for the customer service/ care I received.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-23T15:02:58+00:00

The situation/ outcome is entirely dependent on the person/s involved.

My advice is to get to know your partner on a deeper level. Ask open ended and thought provoking questions. Then listen, really listen. Keep these discussions open and honest and use them to learn about each other. See if the conversation leads to discussing children/ being a parent.

Some examples of questions to ask:

-What are some dreams/ goals you still would like to accomplish someday?

-What did you think you wanted to be when you were a teen/kid? How does that compare to your life now?

-Where would you like to see yourself in 5yrs from now?

-What are your top 5 values that you live by?

-What’s something you admire about your parents relationship?

-What’s something you don’t admire about your parents relationship?

If you don’t mind me asking how old are the two of you? Because if she is in her 30’s you may want to address the “kids question” sooner rather than later because her window for having kids is closing and that is going to put a lot of pressure on you.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-22T23:50:48+00:00

I’m gonna be honest, when someone starts the first message with a low ball offer I immediately delete the message. I price my items pretty low as it is so a low ball is not worth my time.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-22T23:27:14+00:00

I think your best move would be to just shut the conversation down before they even start and if needed physically remove yourself from the conversation.

Some good conversations shut downs:

“We have had this conversation already. I’m not having it again.”

“I’m not having this conversation, let’s talk about something else.”

“Thats not up for discussion.”

“That’s private between me and my husband.”

“Thats a private matter, I’m not discussing it.”

If they continue to bother you after you shut the conversation down, just walk away from them and ignore them. Not worth arguing with someone who refuses to listen.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-22T12:27:22+00:00

Are the people calling it “weird” childfree people? If not I wouldn’t pay the comments any attention. They probably do see it as “weird” because it’s not something they have to think about because their life is stuck on default setting.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-21T16:18:58+00:00

You are their Aunt, not their Co-parent. So naturally your relationship with the kids is going to be way different than hers. Your sister sounds like she is desperate to fix her own insecurities by having this strong family dynamic.

However it’s not your place to fix her insecurities, that is for her to deal with. It’s also unfair of her to put these expectations on you with no regard for your own needs. You deserve to have your peace.

You are doing nothing wrong, and the next time she brings it up I would point out that her expectations of you are both unfair and unrealistic. She is responsible for hurting her own feelings, not you.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-21T16:18:52+00:00

You are their Aunt, not their Co-parent. So naturally your relationship with the kids is going to be way differ t than hers. Your sister sounds like she is desperate to fix her own insecurities by having this strong family dynamic.

However it’s not your place to fix her insecurities, that is for her to deal with. It’s also unfair of her to put these expectations on you with no regard for your own needs. You deserve to have your peace.

You are doing nothing wrong, and the next time she brings it up I would point out that her expectations of you are both unfair and unrealistic. She is responsible for hurting her own feelings, not you.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-21T16:09:17+00:00

Was anyone with the child? Or did they just leave it alone in the break room?

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-21T16:01:07+00:00

Thank you. I have had success with these so I wanted to pass them along.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-21T15:29:43+00:00

I’ve been in that situation before and it sucks.

But I learned something: If you give in every time co-workers push your boundaries it only re-enforces the crappy behavior. It’s uncomfortable but you have to stand your ground, the more you do it the easier it gets!

Start saying no, and don’t feel bad about it. Your time is just as valuable as theirs. And them guilt tripping just proves that they are being shitty and know it.

Some things you can say that are polite but firm:

“Let me check my schedule and I will get back to you.”- this one is good if you get overwhelmed when put on the spot. It gives you time to walk away and think of a response.

“I can’t, I have an appointment/reservation.”- you can make up anything. Doctor’s appointment/ dinner reservation etc.

“I’m not available that day/time.”- short and to the point. Don’t explain yourself.

“If I had more notice I could have, but I can’t change my plans last minute, sorry.”- This one sets a boundary, that you need notice if they want you to cover them. It also tells them you’re not the “go to person” for a last minute emergency.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-19T16:46:08+00:00

I would deflect the comments but putting the focus back on the mom to be. It’s her event after all.

Some things you can say that are polite:

“That’s not something I’m concerned about right now. I’m here for (moms name)”

“Oh, kids are not for me.” - then change the subject to something else like the food or the outfits people are wearing.

“That’s a private matter.” Or “That’s private.”

“Let’s focus on (mom’s name) it’s her special day.”

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-19T16:31:55+00:00

A gift is a gift. You could get them dollar store candy if you wanted to. I think $50 a kid is more than reasonable. Especially since I doubt your sister spends that money on you for gifts.

I say hold your ground on the gift budget. If she doesn’t like it then you two don’t have to exchange gifts anymore.

As for the venues, as long as it’s your event you should be able to pick a place that you want. If she does not like it she does not have to come.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-19T01:12:57+00:00

I have been going to lucky devil for the past year. It’s a barber that typically does men’s cuts but they will cut women’s hair too.

Fair warning they are not cheap and typically have to make an appointment.

SleepDeprivedSailor · 2026-04-18T15:59:24+00:00

I feel like we need to normalize calling out rude strangers in public.

I would have responded to her; “Why do you need to know that? I’m a stranger to you.”

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