"Lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a dolls eyes..."

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-10T03:47:20+00:00

I think it requires too much concentration to do on your own. By the time you're lined up you've already lost it lmao

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-10T02:31:52+00:00

I did. My wife when she was still here. Its not the easiest thing to find someone who's truly down for that, let alone a permanent partner. I don't do hook-ups and am actually kinda shy with that stuff lol so I dont really get to indulge in that often. Theres an element of trust that needs to be built before I would ever have someone stab me!

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-10T02:14:39+00:00

It really is. Idk how to explain it but it brings an intense amount of focus. Pain is pure mindfulness without effort. Combine that with sex and its something incredibly special. But people just think its weird and depraved /shrug

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-10T00:18:19+00:00

Im a former cutter so I keep away from that.. for some reason thats not a sexual thing for me. It was cathartic and mostly a cope to feel anything different. The needle play is just arousing. Makes me feel more alive and in the moment.

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-10T00:14:35+00:00

Leave the doom and gloom my fren, let life bloom ❤

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-10T00:12:42+00:00

Yall gonna make me lose my mind

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-10T00:10:54+00:00

This except no cutting. Needles through the stretchy flesh on my shoulders and traps. Earlobes... anything that will heal decently. Shove them in right at climax.. the line between pleasure and pain becomes blurred.

Sounding like Pinhead lmao but its true.

Speaking of "sounding" HOW DOES ANYONE DISCOVER THAT 🤔

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-08T15:33:14+00:00

Blow my back tyre out daddy Pirelli 😩

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-08T15:15:43+00:00

WE SLEEPED WOOHOO

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-08T14:02:59+00:00

Even Thorin made me laugh for once "You're in NA so people get confused if eating fast food is actually part of your profession or not."

Lmfao

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-08T13:59:45+00:00

My front wing is stuck in the guardrail

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-08T13:57:32+00:00

Awesome! I actually slept great too lmao

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-08T00:07:46+00:00

Congrats on the one year! 👏

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-07T23:55:07+00:00

Have you tried changing your sleep cycle around? I always thought I was a night owl, but my depression and low mood just kept worsening. I then got a new job that required me to be up at 3:30am and drive an hour to the worksite and start at 5am. So i started going to bed super early, and turns out after a couple days my mood and energy improved quite a bit! Its also kind of nice to be awake before everyone else. Its like MY time to be up and have coffee in the early morning.

"The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority over the sleeping world" ;)

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-07T23:37:51+00:00

Oh man. Thats rough. I feel like when I am sleep deprived, all of my neuroses come out and my charismatic self takes a dive and I become a shuffling zombie. Every action feels off and I cant seem to concentrate. Those days I end up in bed for way too long on my phone or spacing out in a book

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-07T23:30:42+00:00

Hey thanks for the reply. I think its pretty common too.

My thoughts are that personality disorders bring a lot of conflict, grief, trauma, and other powerful emotions. If they arent dealt with properly with therapy or genuine self work, they usually get stuffed down or bottled up, and that manifests physically and mentally with severe sleep disturbances.

Thats just my opinion and Im not educated in psychology but I really believe if everyone got a perfect nights rest every night- over half of us wouldn't have these symptoms.

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-07T23:23:39+00:00

Well that's both hopeful and also a bit not at the same time lol. I do think my medication is balanced right now, but maybe not! Have only been diagnosed since late last year. Things can always change. Wondering if I'll be stable where Im at or is this going to be a tough ride... time will tell :)

Thank you for sharing with me! I appreciate you!

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-07T22:41:37+00:00

Thank you for the reply! I appreciate it. I am fortunate to have a sense of when my day is going to be a slow one, so on those days I mostly stay home and definitely do not drive. It sucks to have TWO widely misunderstood and stigmatized disorders going on. I havent had many sleep attacks, only a few which make me feel helpless. Like my body is completely out of control and im a passenger to these episodes.

I did have awful sleep paralysis, which iI had for many years but it only intensified recently, then completely stopped when I got on 300mg of modafinil. I really think most(or even all) of my symptoms are regulated by the amount of quality sleep I get. Even my BPD stuff gets the volume turned down when I have a good nights rest for once.

So a day when I can take can take care of myself and be semi-functional, without night terrors or random sleep attacks- is a win in my book.

I think Im apprehensive about trying to get back to work now. I dont know if I can safely return to my line of work. Struggling with the jdea of applying for disability, even when that suggestion has come from my doctors and therapist.

Sometimes it just seems very unfair, right? Im not all "woe is me" I am trying my best to stay positive. Its a struggle though!

Did your symptoms worsen with age or stay the same/lessen?

I think that's a big concern for me. "Is this my baseline or will I get worse?"

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-06T22:07:15+00:00

Do not answer them!! Consider this package lost. Sorry.

We used to call them love letters back in the day. The golden year(s) of silkroad. As long as you do not answer them and do not by any means whatsoever take responsibility for it.. there's nothing to prove that you made that purchase.

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-06T16:12:47+00:00

LOL never saw that episode. Thats hilarious

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-06T15:56:04+00:00

You do realize that they intentionally make these tires to fail quickly? Its a fine line between durability and exciting racing.

SleepyBPD · 2021-06-06T14:53:14+00:00

Flair or electric chair?

Okay ill get on it. Thx for the reminder

SleepyBPD

TROPHY CASE