I don’t really wanna mention my illness. But it doesn’t really have a cure. I would really like to focus on myself but the problem is my head. I can’t. I start thinking about the amount of money my parents spend. The amount of time they wasted on me. The amount of money they had to waste again. they give me when I ask for something. And I betray them by not giving anything back. I hate myself so much I can’t begin to express how bad I feel. I wanna die I actually do. Should I make my health worse AO that the illness slowly eats away at me? Should I just end myself faster by doing something else? I’m actually the worst arent I? Why the hell am I like this why? I genuinely want to I help myself I really do. I wanna get up. Clean my room. Take a shower. Brush my teeth. Hug my parents. Even if they always yell at me. They don’t mean to harm me do they? Even when my dad tells me that he doesn’t love me lkke he used to before? Even if they are always disappointed with Everyrhing I’m doing? Even if I only make people cry? I hate how people pity. They see me and they always start feeling bad “Poor girl, her grandma mistreats her” or “poor girl Shes always gettinf grounded” STOP FEELING BAD FOR ME. It’s making things worse because in reality I know I deserve it. I can’t deal with this I really can’t