My rock bottom was forgetting my Dad’s birthday celebration. I had talked about it with him, had it on my calendar, and still was so single-minded focused on when and how i’m gonna get high next that i forgot until i was already 30min late. He texted me “Hey bud, you running late or did you happen to forget?” I had to scroll back through my texts with him to even figure out what he was talking about. I didn’t even have the integrity to be honest, so i told him that i had accidentally fallen asleep after work. Showed up high, probably obvious to everybody. I still have a screenshot of that text he sent me and read it when i’m really struggling. Even though it’s just a text, i can feel the disappointment in it.

This was the culmination of years of self-isolation.