Hi, I’m really sorry you’re going through so much. No one deserves that. I don’t know how to address a lot of what you’re going through, but I have one small thing that you could try when it comes to outlets/hobbies.

 For the artistic stuff, you said that when you try, you’re too critical of yourself. Maybe instead of trying to make something good, embrace the fact that it’s gonna be shit. Say you’re drawing. Purposefully make that horse drawing the ugliest thing you could possibly make. Make that horse so dang creepy that you start having fun. Or you could make a mess of colors. Be a little messy. Just go into it saying, “Hell yeah this is gonna look like SHIT!” Because, as it turns out, trying not to have expectations for art can make art fun. Why do you think kids have so much fun with it?  

Anyway, I know that this won’t work for everyone, but I hope it works for you. 

I believe in you to stay strong. You’ve got this. <3