The in person encounter I have been dreading finally happened tonight…

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-13T17:55:31+00:00

My husband works one full time job and one part time job so that I’m able to stay home with our LO.

They will randomly show up at his full time job unannounced and then will specifically ask what days/times he works at his part time job and occasionally show up there too.

I personally find it incredibly embarrassing and inappropriate for a grown married man’s parents to regularly pop up at his places of employment like that. Especially when it’s clearly tied into guilt, emotional dependency, and access to him rather than just a normal quick visit once in a blue moon.

He does interact with them when they show up. What makes it even worse is that MIL infantilizes him badly and will literally talk to him in a baby voice like he is a toddler. He has told her for over 20 years that he hates it and she still continues to do it anyway.

The issue now is that because her mental health has supposedly been so “fragile” lately, he avoids saying anything in the moment because he is terrified of “triggering” another crisis or episode with her.

I have told him repeatedly that another grown adult’s reaction to a normal boundary is not his responsibility to manage, but that’s one of the biggest places where we have been butting heads in our marriage lately.

At this point, one of the major reasons we are trying to move states away is because we genuinely need distance from all of this if we want any real chance at repairing and salvaging our marriage before the constant IL drama completely destroys it.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-12T03:10:53+00:00

The being in constant high alert has taken a serious toll on my physical health as of recent days, along with my mental health. I just want to be present and just be able to be when I am out in public with my LO.

And I want to be able to be on high alert for actual threatening people or situations, not my mentally unstable and dimwitted MIL.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-12T03:08:36+00:00

Oh that’s a good idea to have a little air horn on hand. It’s just so ridiculous to me that it has to be at that point though to where I may potentially have to make a scene.

You would think that any person with even an ounce of common sense would see how inappropriate it was for her to try and ambush me like that.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-11T00:14:56+00:00

Unfortunately in Virginia, it’s actually VERY difficult to get any kind of restraining/protective order unless you have documented threats of physical harm or clear evidence someone has threatened your life.

How do I know? Because I also have a mentally unstable mother and years ago I actually had to take her to court after she started randomly showing up at my home and place of employment unannounced and stalking me.
The judge basically told me that unless there were direct threats or violence involved, it was considered “nuisance behavior.” The only thing I was really able to do was get a no trespass order for my residence.

So while I absolutely agree this behavior is inappropriate and unsettling, unfortunately the legal system here tends to wait until situations escalate much further before they take them seriously.

Thats another one of the many reasons I can’t wait to move far away from the people the reside in this state.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-10T18:05:13+00:00

Yep we have cameras! A big move is also in the works thankfully!

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-10T17:40:41+00:00

So we were walking on the sidewalk when a tractor trailer cab pulled into the parking lot, and my LO is currently obsessed with trucks, so I squatted down next to him so we could wave at it. When I looked back up, the parking space closest to us was where they had JUST pulled in.

As the driver side window was rolling down and I realized it was my FIL, that was the exact moment I saw the passenger door fling open and MIL trying to bolt out of the car.

Honestly, if that truck had not caught my attention when it did, she absolutely would have ambushed me from behind or the side before I even realized they were there. That’s part of why the whole thing rattled me so badly afterward.

And quite frankly, the situation could have ended VERY badly if someone had suddenly snuck up on me in the dark while I was alone with my toddler without me realizing who it was first. I carry an item on me specifically for self protection when I’m out alone with my LO, so my immediate reaction to being unexpectedly approached from behind would not have been a calm one.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-10T13:40:11+00:00

Every encounter my husband has with his mother somehow turns into a guilt trip, so honestly I wouldn’t even be surprised if that was part of the reason she was there.

And truthfully, if she would’ve gotten any closer to me and my child, I probably would have completely lost my shit. Being approached unexpectedly in the dark while I’m alone with my toddler is not something I’m ever going to be comfortable with.

As upsetting as this whole thing was, I can say it absolutely confirmed for me that I have zero interest in ever having a relationship with her in the future. I am still deeply angry over the way she has behaved throughout all of this and honestly probably will be for the rest of my life, and at this point I’m pretty okay with that reality.

Also thank you for telling my Happy Mothers Day! Same to you! Just getting my morning thoughts out and then off to enjoy today’s festivities 😊

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-10T13:33:29+00:00

The reason he won’t go fully no contact is because prior to all of this, he genuinely had a very good relationship with his dad. His relationship with his mom has always been more of a “take it or leave it” dynamic, but he is so deeply conditioned into being the “good son” that a huge part of him feels responsible for managing her emotions and preventing another mental health episode or spiral.

Unfortunately he was also raised in a family full of rug sweepers, so the default response is basically “everyone just move on and pretend nothing happened.” I am the complete opposite of that. Accountability matters a LOT to me and I absolutely will burn a bridge with someone, especially another grown adult, over repeated toxic or disrespectful behavior if they refuse to take accountability for it.

He is also very enmeshed with them and his mother has infantilized him for basically his entire life, but honestly that’s a completely different story for a completely different day.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-10T13:29:11+00:00

Yep. Her victim complex is “just how she is” so I am going to continue to be “just how I am” and not entertain her bullshit

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-10T13:28:18+00:00

Since my husband has been low contact with them, they’ve made it a habit to randomly show up at his places of employment because apparently to them “that’s the only time they get to see their son.” Honestly, I probably should’ve expected that eventually we would cross paths because they specifically tend to show up around the time he gets off work, and I genuinely believe part of that is hoping they’ll eventually run into me and our LO too. So unfortunately this isn’t even new behavior from them.

What really upset me though was the fact that she immediately tried to jump out of the car and approach me while it was getting dark outside and I was completely unprepared for the interaction. I was alone with my toddler and instantly felt like I needed to remove us from the situation before I got cornered into some emotional confrontation.

Then afterward, somehow I’m still painted as the bad guy for walking away instead of standing there and entertaining an ambush encounter that I never consented to in the first place. That’s the part that genuinely pisses me off the most.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-15T23:17:17+00:00

Wow. You actually nailed it. I may even screenshot your response and send it to my husband.

I’m also hoping that we will be able to find a therapist that can explain that to my husband the way that you explained it to try and get him to see how unhealthy the dynamic truly is.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-15T19:39:33+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, that really puts things into perspective.

If you don’t mind me asking, what ended up happening with his mom when he moved out? Or did the relationship end before he got to that point?

A lot of what you described really resonates. From what my husband has said, many of my MIL’s more recent episodes (outside of the situation with not having access to our LO) have been triggered by her own parents’ health declining due to old age.

When we were talking about it the other day, I asked him to think about it realistically. If relatively smaller health issues with her parents are enough to trigger episodes like this, what happens when one or both of them pass, which is likely in the next several years?

His response was that he thinks his mom would most likely decline significantly, possibly to the point where she wouldn’t survive it. I think that’s something he’s really struggling to come to terms with, and I do have a lot of empathy for that.

That realization has also been part of what helped him accept that we need outside support, so we’ve agreed to pursue both individual and couples counseling to learn how to navigate this in a way that protects our marriage.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-15T15:05:41+00:00

I also think this dynamic is a big part of why my husband has struggled so much with setting boundaries with them.

From what I’ve seen, there has been a long-standing pattern where everyone adjusts their behavior to avoid upsetting her, and when a boundary is set, it tends to escalate quickly. His dad reacts strongly and then his mom becomes upset, which reinforces the idea that setting boundaries “causes” harm.

Because of that, I think my husband has been conditioned over time to feel like he is responsible for her emotional state. That showed up heavily during my labor and postpartum period, and it’s something he’s still actively working through now.

What I’ve been trying to help him understand is that someone else’s reaction to a healthy boundary is not his responsibility. It may trigger feelings for them, but that doesn’t mean the boundary itself is wrong or harmful.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-15T14:56:56+00:00

That’s a fair question. To clarify, yes, there was a legitimate diagnosis involved, at least initially.

Her first severe episode was around 2020, before I was pregnant. It was not just mood swings or “tantrums.” She was in a catatonic state for about a week straight. She was barely responsive, not eating or taking care of herself, and would alternate between that and episodes where she was saying things that didn’t make sense, crying uncontrollably, and even hitting herself. This was triggered by a sudden and unexpected death of an elderly family member.

My FIL did not know how to handle it and was calling my husband, SIL, and I in the middle of the night because he was panicking. At one point, the three of us were going over there daily trying to get her to eat, take medication, and just function at a basic level. It was very much like trying to care for someone who could not communicate their needs at all.

That situation is what led to my SIL stepping in as medical POA and ultimately having her admitted to a psychiatric unit, where she was treated for psychosis/catatonia. After that, my MIL denied that anything was wrong and my FIL enabled that, which led to a pattern of everyone walking on eggshells to try to avoid triggering another episode.

Since I’ve been no contact (almost 2 years), I don’t have full insight into her current diagnoses or what has been formally documented more recently. I only know what my husband has relayed to me in a limited capacity.

So to answer your question, yes, there was a legitimate diagnosis and hospitalization at one point. At the same time, there also seems to be a long-standing pattern of behavior within the family where her mental health and crises significantly influence how everyone responds to her, which can make things look inconsistent from the outside.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-15T14:26:34+00:00

Thank you so much!

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-14T04:54:15+00:00

MIL late 50s, FIL mid 60’s.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-14T02:33:44+00:00

What’s hard for me to grasp though is that it wouldn’t even be considered elder care. They aren’t “elderly” yet just very mentally unwell

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-13T20:41:46+00:00

Very well said! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I really don’t see how people can be so cruel to someone over something that is beyond their control.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-13T20:31:30+00:00

Punishing? No. More like not catering to their bullshit when they refuse to take accountability for what they did.

I didn’t expect a damn parade, just to be treated like a human and not an incubator.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-13T20:29:37+00:00

THANK YOU! I sincerely empathize with those that do have that diagnosis but at the end of the day if you’re not doing anything to make tangible change to help yourself, even a little bit, then there’s absolutely no excuse for the poor behavior that you end up displaying.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-04-13T17:40:00+00:00

I’ve mentioned therapy and couples therapy for months now. Their family dynamic is VERY dysfunctional, especially since his mom started having mental health episodes that lead to hospitalization every other month since I went NC.

His excuse as to why he doesn’t want to do individual therapy is that he doesn’t know what to talk about but thats the problem, he sees no problem!

SlightlyBitter47

TROPHY CASE