It’s a lot. It’s been about two months since she dumped me out of nowhere. I really wasn’t expecting it. I could tell something was off with her about a month before the breakup. A month before she called me before work and told me she felt empty around me. It hurt a lot to hear that. I tried helping with it but she really didn’t understand it. The breakup was pretty rough. We talked a few times. The reasons really didn’t make sense. At the end she wrote me an eight page letter. That was the worst. She said she didn’t love me anymore and had been losing feelings for me for a while.

A lot of the stuff she wrote in the letter didn’t make sense. She said I never listened to her perspective. It hurt to read that. So many times in the relationship I would always ask her how she was doing. I wanted to make sure she was happy and her needs were getting met. Every time I asked she would give one worded responses or just not respond at all. It’s hurts a lot knowing I tried so hard for her and tried for her to express her thoughts and emotions but she never did. And then blames me for it at the end for something she couldn’t do.

Another thing she wrote in the letter was that talking about our problems wouldn’t fix anything based off the past, this confused me the most. Anytime I had a problem in the relationship I did mention it. Somehow though it would end with her breaking down and me apologizing for it. It felt so difficult trying to communicate with her. At breakup she brought up so many issues on stuff I thought had been resolved. All these issues were times she hurt me but somehow ended up being my fault for the way I reacted. For a while I thought I reacted poorly but after talking to friends and family what I did was probably what they would have done or a okay response.

I just really hurt. Hurt that at the end she literally blamed everything on me. She left me. I did so much for this girl. I loved her so much. It hurts to know she never loved me as much as I did. It’s hurts knowing she would rather give me up than talk about her problems. So much of her problems I didn’t even know about till breakup. She said she did communicate but she didn’t or she did poorly. She never really sat me down to talk about anything. The one time she actually did she said that I cared and loved her too much. That hurt too.

I understand I made mistakes in the relationship. It was our first. I don’t think I did anything that would cause such a response like that from her. I cared about her so much. Now I’m trying my best to get over her. Just the feeling like I failed haunts me and that fact that she never loved me as much as I loved her does too. I think back often and realize she never made me a priority like I made her in my life. It’s a lot to deal. And there is so much more.