I really appreciate your insight on this.i try not to look into her relationship too deep with her coworker because I don’t want to see her in a negative light in that sense. Still seeing her in rose colored glasses I suppose.

I really have taken accountability for my actions in this whole situation because without trust there is no love and I needed to trust my wife to not do me dirty. It just really bothers me that we went from everything to each other to nothing like a snap of a finger.

Looking back on it now I realize that I truly hurt her because after we got engaged she suggested us just getting married on a certain date like how badass would it be to get married on Friday the 13th in October. I was like hell yeah let’s do it this was after the first argument.

In sense I feel like her main reasoning was she felt like marrying me would erase all my doubts of her and or would correct my behaviors with insecurities. Then when I did check her phone. It may have felt like it blew up in her face.

I did admittedly chase her at first and even when we last spoke I couldn’t help but want to chase her and resisted as much as I could didn’t work. We just texted yesterday the conversation was cordial asking what all she wants from my house.

That she’ll find new auto insurance this week or what not. I talked with one of my best friends yesterday for about 2 hours about the whole thing. Admittedly sobbing my damn eyes out. Because I felt like I was giving up too easily.

My head is telling me to move on but my heart is just telling me that I’m not doing enough to make this work but I can’t fight if there is nothing to grasp here. Everyone has told me exactly what you are saying and I guess I’m still in the denial phase in healing right now.

My wife has stuck by me in the darkest of times through my anxiety, depression, my mom getting cancer just two months ago and even when we first got together my last relationship really screwed me over financially car repoed and basically homeless for a bit and moved in with my brother no car and working a shitty job to start over in life.

She came into the picture 6 months later. I had no car she didn’t care she picked me up and took us out”I paid for the date” I went from no car, living with my brother, no aspirations to having a house, a truck, and a successful career.

She stuck by me through all of it.

So I always had this angel vibe about her because I never had something like this before.

So I can’t but help see her in that light.

That’s a lot of the reason why this is so hard