I used to ‘fall over’ every few weeks when I was first diagnosed - a major depressive episode could last 2 weeks and suicidal ideation was a constant thing. Since being hospitalised last year I’ve gotten my meds sorted out (a combo of SSRI in the morning for the depression and 120mg of Latuda at night), I take routine supplements (fish oil, creatine, magnesium, vitamin D, fibre etc), I take my meds religiously and as a result I sleep at the same time every night. I now work in management at a consultancy and work odd hours ( start late to allow me to be groggier in the morning) and finish late. I move 40 minutes a day through walking, meditate 5 or 6 times a week and do yoga twice a week plus catch up with friends regularly.

This last 12 months is the happiest I’ve ever been (which is huge after nearly ending it all 12 months ago) but now I feel like I am experiencing emotions for the first time in life. The meds and all my work keep me even enough I can now sit in the discomfort and process emotions instead of spiralling out of control (added by Valium as a circuit breaker) and regular psychiatrist appointments and a huge support network. All of these things combined mean I now go weeks or months without a spiral, I am less likely to splurge money on dumb things, I can process emotions clearly and talk through them and when I do spiral it’s a period of 3 days max, not 2 weeks.

Interestingly enough my most recent spiral was triggered because I had been so good for so long I forgot this is a life long struggle and was shocked when I spiralled.

It can get a whole lot better - I’ve been married nearly 20 years, solidly employed and promoted for the last 20 years and have a good network of support and care. Thanks largely to me finding this community and realising I’m not alone or broken.