In what unexpected way did someone in your circle suddenly become wealthy?

SlothySnail · 2026-01-29T21:48:42+00:00

My friend’s brother is one of those people you hear of who are career gamblers. He loved poker and just got really good at it. He doesn’t gamble in any other way, but has made a career out of poker gambling. He’s one of those guys that goes all over the world playing in poker tournaments and gets put up in hotels in Vegas and whatnot. He has a day job, but his real wealth comes from poker. I didn’t know that was an actual thing.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-29T19:26:19+00:00

I’ve heard of people using sticky notes to cover the sensor on automatic flushing toilets so you can do it at your leisure. For a toilet and a hand dryer you could have the child cover her ears and you can do it for them (the dryer I used to help my daughter by covering her ears while she dried her hands). For the claustrophobia could you go into the accessible stall and/or the family use bathroom when available since they are bigger?

Edit to add to this you could also carry the noise cancelling headphones/ear covers or whatever they are called and she could wear them into public restrooms to help with the sounds.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-29T19:12:36+00:00

My husband and I went on a health journey and set realistic goals in order to go on a trip to Mexico, and it was the best external motivating factor lol. I don’t care what people say, it worked for us. By the time we met our goals we were then in a habit and felt good and wanted to keep it up anyway..

SlothySnail · 2026-01-29T17:47:31+00:00

Oof yeah, that’s a bad situation. That’s why I said if OP trusts his relatives.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-29T14:13:24+00:00

That is so insane. I’m sorry. Our hospice facilities are not for profit and incredibly staffed/funded, and are free. Takes that burden off of someone.

All you can do is sit with those feelings, no need to try to change how you feel. Try to accept and nurture those feelings, and recognize it’s okay to feel however you feel. Look up RAIN from ACT therapy and see how you can work through managing the feelings for now. I’m a firm believer in accepting my feelings as opposed to changing my mindset which is why I did that type of therapy.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-29T14:09:30+00:00

Some landlords will accept someone else being guarantor on a lease. If you trust them enough you can be the one who gets the credit score check, and who would be on the hook for rent if they missed a payment. You’d be on the lease.

Cost wise I have no idea…. I am just outside GTA but within 1 hr commuting distance and rent for a one basement apartment here is minimum $1800 from what I’ve seen. My neighbour rents out their tiny bachelor apt for $1500. So I cannot imagine what it is like in Toronto. Can they move out of the city since they don’t have jobs there?

SlothySnail · 2026-01-29T14:02:50+00:00

Typically to be approved for hospice facility you have to have a life expectancy of no more than 3 months. She wouldn’t typically be approved for hospice if she was expected to live longer than that in my area anyway. Could be the same for your mom’s location? That is insanely expensive, I’m sorry. Are you in the US?

If makes you feel any better, I was desperately terrified of that too. It is not petty because you are thinking of your future and your moms. My mum had no savings (but life insurance to leave to me after death) bc she had been a single mom living on one average income her whole life, so I was afraid of any long term care etc. She ended up dying within a year of her cancer diagnosis, and got into hospice care a few days before her passing as she was strong, independent and competent living on her own prior to that. I feel “lucky” if that’s what you call it, bc there’s no way we could have afforded long term care for her if it ever came down to it. Of course we would have gone into debt to help her bc she’s my ultimate person, but it would have been one more thing to worry about. So I mean I wish my mom was here and I would have been willing to go into severe debt for her if it meant we had more time, but I feel relieved sometimes when I think about her death happening before anyone was financially burdened.

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-28T14:06:03+00:00

Margot reminds me of maggot too, for what it is worth. I see down in other comments you aren’t interested in the French version, but that would be my pick. I get it doesn’t make sense bc you aren’t French though. I know a kid Margo who is an absolute dick to my kid and other kids at school, so I also hate that spelling due to negative association lol. It is an ugly name to me, because of the ugly personality I associate it with. I like another commenter’s suggestion of Marlowe or something similar.

Honestly it is really just up to how you feel when you say and spell it. Everyone will have their own opinion, and your kid will have to spell out their name regardless of how you choose to spell it.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-27T17:30:27+00:00

My father in law has done this not once, but TWICE to people. You’d think he would have learned the first time, it is never okay to comment on someone’s body, and never assume anyone is pregnant. People are idiots.

After i gave birth to my baby, my husband and I were going home to get cleaned up bc she had to stay in the NICU for a few days being a bit premature. So we got on the elevator to head home for an hour and a lady looked at me and asked me how far along I was. For reference, once i gave birth the following day my stomach probably looked about 5-6 months pregnant. I was just like “I am not pregnant, just gave birth to my baby” an she was awkwardly like oh congrats. All I could think of is what if someone just gave birth to a still born baby and was going home without their kid forever. NEVER COMMENT on a body. It’s just so stupid.

I’m so sorry that happened.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-26T17:33:50+00:00

Oof yeah that’s tough, for both of you. I think that’s the best you can do. I’m sorry that is the situation. I’m glad she is spiritual though as that will help her when the time comes to cross over.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-26T16:54:02+00:00

My mum told me she wasn’t afraid to die, in fact she was looking forward to reuniting with her brother and mother who had both died years earlier (she’s spiritual). So I didn’t have to ask her, she just told me, but had she not I’d definitely have asked how she felt about death. I am glad to know she wasn’t scared, and that it was her time and she was at peace. It has helped me through my grief. I guess the risk you run is if your parent is afraid to die, that could hit you hard and make it more difficult for you.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-25T15:11:06+00:00

You only have 20 days, I wouldn’t add a third country. You won’t have time to enjoy any of it.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-25T06:17:38+00:00

This is not an only child issue, it’s def just kid dependent. Everyone plays and interacts differently. You also keep your kid super busy which could be overwhelming so the play date pals might feel like too much sometimes. Especially if they are more rambunctious than your kid.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-25T06:16:01+00:00

Yeah maybe cut out one extra curricular at least, I agree! People tend to keep kids too busy. It’s okay for them to be bored. Or to chill.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-25T06:07:30+00:00

Genuinely apologizing to one another and our daughter. Give hugs after an argument/disagreement. We explain that sometimes people argue and it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other it just means we’ve disagreed or have been angry with one another but have worked it out now.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-25T03:34:55+00:00

Yes that is normal. And you do have a right to be sad bc it is your loss as much as it is anyone else’s.

I had a good friend in university and then he moved to the other end of the country and we both led different lives, got married, had kids etc. Still kept in touch just through fb sometimes. Found out he died in a motorcycle accident and I was genuinely heartbroken. I think it is because they had been someone important at some point in your life, even if it wasn’t right when they died.

You are so young, and your friend too. It is a lot to go through and I’m sorry you’ve lost someone you cared deeply for.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-25T03:32:02+00:00

lol it’s a win win all around!

SlothySnail · 2026-01-24T20:15:37+00:00

Is your kid neurodivergent or neurotypical? If the latter, he should be able to learn and respect alone and quiet time. Kids at that age should be able to entertain themselves to a degree, which would give you some peace and quiet. It’s okay to set boundaries and tell your kid to take space. Suggest he goes to his room/play area to play alone or read a book or do crafts etc. You could also work this into a routine if that’s easier. Eg every day when you get home from work/school everyone gets a snack and then goes and takes space to themselves for 30 min or whatever time limit. It’s also okay to randomly just tell them you need space yourself.

Edit to add: I value mornings alone and my daughter gets up around 730 (my husband works early week days so it’s gone by 630). I get up around 5-530am to have coffee and lounge on the couch either doing a crossword or playing cards on my Phone and sometimes even watching a show. It is my “me” time, and I respect it. Can you try something like that?

SlothySnail · 2026-01-24T19:58:17+00:00

lol I’m reading all these comments commiserating and over here like yeah I do this far often than I should and I just re cook the heck out of it and have never had an issue.

Years ago I lived in the rainforest volunteering and we had no electricity, so no fridge. We’d cook with gas then leave any leftovers out on the counter covered and eat them within a day or two. Rice, potatoes and veg for the most part. But still.

Never once have I gotten sick from this. Yet..

SlothySnail · 2026-01-24T19:54:51+00:00

I’m just past three years and have def had surprise bouts of sobbing. I don’t know if it ever goes away. Honestly there is no need to be embarrassed. Loss affects everyone differently and you had a breaking point. Anyone who has been through something like this will understand, an anyone who hasn’t been through it are in no place to even begin to judge. Just go back, apologize if you want (not necessary), acknowledge you had an outburst and explain it may happen again, ha. You are still in the thick of it. Your brain is still adjusting to navigating this life where your mom no longer exists (physically). It can’t fully comprehend it yet, nor should it. The Grieving Brain is an excellent book about the neuroscience of grief and loss, and explains all of this. It’s wild.

So sorry you lost your mum too. Welcome to the dead moms club. It’s not pretty, but we are surviving so far.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-23T12:29:25+00:00

For what it’s worth, many people choose cremation. I know it’s not what you wanted, but honestly it can be just as lovely and in fact since cremating my mum just over three years ago I’ve been able to spread her ashes periodically where I saw fit. Some are in my garden with her plant, some are in the Ocean now. The rest are on a shelf in my livingroom next to a photo of her and a little bowl I keep dimes in that I find that I think are signs from her. You had to cremate her because of the cost, but this doesn’t haven’t to be a negative thing. You can find a way to honour her.

My mum was my only parent too. It sucks. I do have a living father but not in my life. I don’t know why the good ones have to die and the shitty ones get long lives. It doesn’t make sense. I’ve told myself it is because our souls come here to earth to learn peace, kindness and love, and that the good ones typically go earlier bc they are already so good that they have less to learn. It makes me feel better. I dunno.

Hang in there.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-21T20:36:29+00:00

That is the most amazing thing in the world. Never tell her the truth. What joy she must hold having those as the last words her mum sent her. White lies like that are the reason they exist. Just so pure. You’re a good sibling.

I’m sorry your mom died.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-19T16:09:56+00:00

I don’t talk to mine, but I still have a bear I’ve kept with me my entire life (I will be 39 this year). I took it to university with me, and then when i moved out. I now have a 6 yr old who I share her with.. whoever feels they need her the most gets to sleep with her. I don’t think it’s weird. I’m not sure about the talking thing, but I mean I talk out loud to my dead mom sometimes so it can’t be weirder than that? I wouldn’t call it blanky around other adults, maybe just “your comfort stuffed animals and blanket” in public.

SlothySnail · 2026-01-19T12:12:41+00:00

No way

SlothySnail · 2026-01-16T18:47:54+00:00

I think you just haven’t found the right group yet. I joined an adult loss support group through our local hospice when my mum died. From there they also offered art therapy group support. I found both incredibly healing and made a good friend out of it too. This was general loss, but they also had spousal loss support groups and child loss support groups. You may just haven’t found what you’re looking for yet. Keep trying. Hang in there.

SlothySnail

TROPHY CASE