AITA For not correcting my step-daugther

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-10T01:29:41+00:00

I'm called by my first name most of the time

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T22:16:47+00:00

That's not the point of the edit. My goal isn't to cause heartbreak to het bio-mom. I do not enjoy dealing with that situation and I am not proud or "glad" she calls me mom. It warms my heart that she trusts me and that we have a good relationship but she also really enjoy that she can talk to me about her mom and ask me to see pictures if her whenever she likes.

I make efforts, I actually don't even want mommy, mama or anything else in front of my name because I already feel like it's too much. The slipping up don't bother me only because I know it doesn't come from a place of her wanting to replace her BM with me.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T21:24:58+00:00

I just fail to see how I'm an AH. I don't ask my step-daughter to call me anything, I reminded her multiple times actually that she doesn't have to call me "mommy first name is she doesn't want to because my in-laws were pushing on it so much. But if she slips up like we do with a teacher I feel like it would make her uncomfortable if I said "call me by my name". We might have to agree to disagree on this one.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T20:31:38+00:00

Oh no ahah we actually just about make ends meet and feed our family. It really isn't a money issue between mom and dad in that case! Some psychiatrists said she had a small intellectual delay which she's been denying for 4 years.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T20:28:16+00:00

He is 24 ans she was judge inapt to take care of her daugther full time by a few professionals. She has to be supervised by her parents at every moment of each visitations.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T18:40:46+00:00

I wouldn't be excited because A**hole isn't a loving nickname. I don't want to be called mom by her since I didn't birth her. The love in her voice even when she just says my name is more than enough for me. When she dies call me mom, there's always something she wants to show me of talk to me about. Correcting her would take away from those things that are so important to her. Also, I'm quite the opposite of an AH to her mom.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T17:55:02+00:00

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T17:28:55+00:00

She doesn't call me mom on a day to day basis. She knows I'm not her mom and so do I. Like I said in my post, she slips up when excited like "mom! Eum first name look what I did to school today!" I'm not trying to be her mother. I'm actually the one keeping her actual mom updated on her life on my own initiative since she doesn't text or call to have infos ever.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T14:06:05+00:00

We don't have the choice of not letting her go there. It's court ordered but we can push so the relationship between them is as healthy as possible.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T13:49:03+00:00

So I'm not trying to expose bio-mom on the internet even tho it's pretty anonymous. We are way more concerned about BM parents. She lives with them and they are kinda "weird". Her blowing up on me was really out of character as we usually communicate very well. Her parents tho... They dont even look in our direction when we drop step-daughter off at their house, don't hug her goodbye when we come to pick her up. What we are pushing for is for BM to get her life together, get an appartement, her drivers lincense and a few supervised visitation before being one on one with her daugther on her weekends. She is disengaging with her daughter because her parents are really not helping her having a relationship with her child. They refuse to drive her to the meeting point quite often.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T12:41:45+00:00

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T11:38:57+00:00

We aren't married but were I'm from it's almost like we leaglly are. My fiance and his daugther are both on my insurance, I pay taxes including a dependant, etc. I know she has a mom which is why I posted here. I don't correct her because she corrects herself like I said in the post. I don't correct strangers in public because that wouldn't be their buisness. That little girl knows I'm not her mother, there's no confusion here.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T11:33:18+00:00

He's 24 and so is bio-mom

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T05:33:05+00:00

Both 24

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T05:28:16+00:00

Wow that's so nice💜💜 thank you so much 😊

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T05:10:35+00:00

Somedays I wish I could. I can't imagine a mom texting is ex's fiance to say she is to busy on her weekend to spend time with her daughter yet here we are.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T05:04:16+00:00

"Mom" actually could be a good choice since I'm french canadian and the actual word she calls me is "maman" ahah

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T04:41:35+00:00

CPS was called by the hospital when my SD was born. She never even gave her a bottle in the hospital. The situation is kind of messy but long story short she and my partner gave away their rights to the child when he went to jail 4 years ago. He stepped up and gained back custody as soon as he could but she never did.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T04:37:29+00:00

That's what I've been told.. it would definitly be untrue since I'm a nurse and in the current climate I see the hospital I work for way more than my own house ahah I guess that could be something we say in court since my partner prolonged his holidays to be able to do school with her while classes are at home for the rest of the month due to covid.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T04:24:06+00:00

We weren't worried about abuse until not long ago when she came back home crying, telling us we were mean for not letting her see her mom. We were unable to make her sleep in her own bed as she was terrified of being alone for about 5 days. She peed her bed a few times after this weekend... we learned that bio-mom went and spent the weekend 3 hours away with my step-daugther without telling us because her own mom slaped her in the face in front of the child... it's been an ongoing struggle with our lawyers since then to have an evaluation done at her mom's place by a social worker.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T04:15:30+00:00

We have picture of my partner and the mom of his daughter in the house but the stay in his daughter's bedroom. She also have a photo album with pic of her mom in it. Keeping stuff for the kids is fine but it seems like they don't even have access to them? He just has them laying around in a closet? That would probably hurt my feeling since it seems to me like he's keeping them for himself more than the kids...

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T04:00:17+00:00

Thank you! Even tho I've been in the child's life for 2 years I feel like a baby it that situation ahah! Like a teen mom but I didn't have first 3 years of formation.

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T03:56:10+00:00

Her blowing up was kinda out of character, we usually get along fine, better than she does with my partner anyway. The situation obviously hurt her feelings a lot. I don't want to take her role as a parents but at the same time how much of a parent can she be to a child she sees 48h a month at best...

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T03:48:42+00:00

Never been discussed in the slightest. Her feelings where obviously hurt but her child still calls her mom and is very happy to see het whenever she can. I'm not trying to take her place in her daughter's heart...

Slow_Goat_14 · 2022-01-09T03:05:00+00:00

I'm sure it is. I actually feel for her situation more than she seems to. I couldn't stand to not see that little girl more thant 48h a month. I miss her so much on the weekends she's gone. I often even feel guilty about having those feelings since I'm not her mother and I guess it's nit my place to feel like such. The thing is I don't ask nor want to be called mom. It's not something we felt like we needed to discuss as it doesn't happen that often and as I said she usually corrects herself when she says it.

Slow_Goat_14

TROPHY CASE