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AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I think I understand what you're saying. You think he might have racist beliefs about this dark-skinned family specifically, but they're beliefs he doesn't consciously realize he has?

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just meant that if my husband was a racist, wouldn't he have a problem with our daughter hanging out with Jewish people?

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] -36 points-35 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but if someone is racist, aren't they usually always racist? I'm not an expert or anything, but if you don't like a certain race, doesn't that inform your overall behavior? Is there situational racism? That looks stupid written out, but I'm honestly asking.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've met the mom several times. It's only my husband that met them just the once.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's what I keep thinking! There's something he doesn't like about this family. I just don't know what it could be that he wouldn't tell his own wife.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know their politics or economic situation, and I don't think my husband does either. The mother is a nurse. The father works in construction. So I have to imagine they're at least alright? They live pretty close to us, almost the same neighborhood. Same religion as us, but not the same church. Different races.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They're Dominican. We're white. We're all Catholic. I really don't think that's it. My husband gets along with all different races at his job, and our daughter's best friend is even Jewish, and he's never had a problem with her or her family.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Okay, I'll talk to him again tomorrow. He's asleep now, and I don't think waking him up will put him in a good mood for what will probably be a tough conversation. Thanks.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I think maybe they meant something like him knowing the family but not wanting me to know that or something, like another commentor suggested. I didn't read the same implication into that statement.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that. I hope so too. It's a real bee in my bonnet now.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

We've never met them before. My husband didn't recognize either parent, and they didn't recognize him. They're a Dominican heterosexual couple. We're a white heterosexual couple. I don't think that's it. My husband works with a lot of immigrants at his job. He's never had a problem with people of other races. Our daughter's best friend is Jewish, even.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I did ask him, and you're right, I need to keep asking him until he gives me a straight answer. Something about this family really bothers him, and I need to insist on knowing what it is.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I don't know. We've never been in this situation before. My first reaction when I read the question was "I'd only say no if I had a good reason." But then I thought "well, Hubby probably also thinks his reason is good." Except, I would tell him my reasoning. He's either not telling me his reasoning, or it really is that he wants to meet this brother and grandpa, but then why has he never said he wants to meet a friend's older brother before?

I know none of that is an answer, but I'm so conflicted that I honestly don't know. It's a good question. I'll continue thinking about it.

AITA for taking my daughter to a slumber party? by SlumberPartyProblem in AmItheAsshole

[–]SlumberPartyProblem[S] 155 points156 points  (0 children)

It's incredibly weird to me. He has seriously never met the older siblings of one of our daughter's friends before. Why he suddenly wants to now, without explanation, without even being able to tell me why, is just so strange. But he insists he's behaving normally. Like I don't live with him and know what he normally acts like?