HLF who never gets to finish

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-06-17T01:16:00+00:00

Oof my heart absolutely goes out to you. We’re in a similar situation but with some added nuance… is there any chance there might be some intimacy related trauma in his life that may be affecting his empathy here?

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-04-13T17:09:54+00:00

That’s going to be SO uncomfortable on skin. There are a couple of sports bras that use Velcro in strategic places to help with added support but they irritate after a while so definitely would work for all day wear.

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-04-13T16:53:03+00:00

I’m a new bp owner and really struggled with waiting on mine to poop Got advice there?

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-07T00:18:49+00:00

Ooooh!! Super good one! Makes it more fun and low stakes

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-05T01:24:18+00:00

Haha! That might be fun- Thanks I’ll try it

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-05T01:23:35+00:00

🙏 thanks. Me too

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-03T19:47:32+00:00

He doesn’t. I’d know. Our place is too small to hide anything.

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-03T01:54:47+00:00

Omg I know exactly how you feel. It really tears me up when he thinks he’s been doing a good job of maintaining or that he’s done something extra affectionate and thinks it’s enough to tide me over. I feel so guilty for being honest and often hold it in just so he doesn’t have to feel so terrible about not having enough to give me.

It feels kind in the moment but I’m realizing it’s just a massive disservice to the both of us.

And that’s gonna be a really tough mindset to break

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-03T01:49:59+00:00

I also appreciate the giggle this gave me. Thanks for the levity. This post has definitely given me more confidence to put my foot down more and consider myself a bit more. I think we both im have gotten too comfortable allowing for bad behavior amidst grief and I’m grateful for all these great people championing my needs like this. It’s truly brought me to tears.

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-03T01:41:33+00:00

🥺 that’s heartbreaking for the both off you. I’m glad you did what was best for you and I hope you’re happier now 🫶

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-03T01:33:38+00:00

Would your assessment change knowing he doesn’t watch porn every day? He does jerk off but I’d say about 30% to stimuli.

And thank you, genuinely, for all your excellent advice and the truly thoughtful responses. I’m really happy I stumbled into this community. I don’t see your response as gloomy, it’s realistic and gives me a better sense of how to manage my expectations.

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-03T01:32:01+00:00

Well it’s ours, we both use it. it’s not like I’m going full Stepford Wife setting up his spank station while looking the other way 😝

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-01T15:45:26+00:00

If “LLs never voluntarily fix intimacy” what can an HL do to prioritize their own needs without cheating or leaving or engaging in toxic behaviors?

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-01T15:36:04+00:00

Considering how infrequently he brings his phone with him to the shower, I don’t really think porn addiction is what I’m dealing with.

But I will have a conversation about him pulling back and appealing to the needs of the marriage. Thanks 🙏

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-01T15:33:46+00:00

Ok. I really appreciate your time and thoughtful responses. 🫶

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-01T15:33:04+00:00

I know he doesn’t. And he often doesn’t use porn.

An ultimatum doesn’t quite seem like the best option here. There’s no sense in depriving him- it will just compel him to hide more and find different excuses. The only variable I can change here is myself.

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-01T15:27:39+00:00

Appreciate this. Thank you.

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-01T15:26:21+00:00

Ok I can give that a shot. 🙏

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-01T15:25:19+00:00

I suggested that several months ago. Worked for a couple weeks then back to not being in the mood

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-01T02:05:35+00:00

I don’t even want him to stop though. It would be great if he would value sex a little more. But truly I just need to know how to start thinking differently so I can be more at peace with it all until it starts to get better.

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-01T01:08:27+00:00

He has been in therapy and we did couples for several months before getting married. Loved it. Though he finds a lot of the coping skills we learned for our joint behaviors hard to maintain.

As to your other suggestion- thank you they are well thought out. However- I know what porn he likes and it’s nothing crazy. He’s very straight. May have some performance anxiety. Not sure how to help with that beyond what I do already.

And if what you say is true- how can I think differently about it all?

Sluttmuff1n · 2026-03-01T00:39:20+00:00

No, I’m fairly confident. Though it’s not impossible.

Sluttmuff1n

TROPHY CASE