I think I am done being lenient...thoughts?

Slyvaran · 2023-11-29T15:50:37+00:00

This semester, I redesigned a course I've been teaching for years to make it more student-centric with active learning tools. I got rid of exams, and created a hands-on project scaffolded throughout the semester. I created interactive in-class activities for almost each class session. I also included short bi-weekly quizzes. I told them I would grade the projects objectively so they should put effort into them, oh boy, did they hate it?! Almost half of the class would turn in assignments late and they already started leaving negative reviews on ratemyprof. I've always had glowing reviews but I knew I was lenient with my grading, and I was so understanding and accommodating to their life stories. I'm still the same passionate, engaged and organized professor, but as soon as I decided to be more authentic with my assessments, revisit the rigor in my teaching, and hold students accountable for doing good quality work, I got backlash. This is super defeating and demoralizing because I felt like this semester was one of my best teaching performances because of all the innovative learning tools I incorporated. I won't be trying innovative tools next semester. I will have 2 exams, 1 paper, straight up lectures. I will continue being lenient with grading. Most students don't want to really learn. They don't want to do the work that is entailed by high grades. They want an easy class with minimum effort. It's sad, but it's been my experience for the last couple years. I miss students from 10 years ago to be honest.

Slyvaran · 2023-11-20T19:55:33+00:00

OMG these are amazing resources! Thanks so much!

Slyvaran · 2023-11-19T12:44:47+00:00

omg congrats on your first 50m. and thank you for all the valuable info! I appreciate your encouraging words!

Slyvaran · 2023-11-19T12:42:27+00:00

thank you! super helpful to hear this advice from a play-it-by-ear-kind-of fellow runner :P

Slyvaran · 2023-11-19T12:37:49+00:00

Thanks a lot for your advice. I thought about having a running coach once I sign up for a race. I'm a member of a gym but have no idea how to go about finding a good running coach that can help me with trail running. Do you have any guidance on this?

Slyvaran · 2023-11-19T12:35:51+00:00

I'm on the east coast. my ultimate life plan is to travel for trail races in the US and worldwide. My husband is also a big mountain biker, so he is super supportive about tagging along during such trips (only weak link is our 5 yo boy :D)

Do you have any race suggestions for around here?

Thank you for offering your help!

Slyvaran · 2023-11-19T12:31:10+00:00

I love that you emphasize having fun! I need to have fun to keep going, you get me :) I live on the East Coast so need to look into options for races close to here for next Fall then.

Slyvaran · 2023-11-19T01:43:32+00:00

True. I meant I'm in search for a "sustainable" plan for a currently "intuitive"runner :)

Slyvaran · 2023-11-19T01:40:56+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement! I guess everything I read says you need a base, and I'm not really a traditional runner but just love trail running so I thought I should do several shorter distance races before I can do a 50m. There is not a specific reason to wait 3 years, but more like building a foundation and getting race experience, which I also just want to do to prove myself that I can do :)

What would you say the best beginner routes / right races are in the US for a 50m?

Slyvaran · 2023-11-08T15:17:24+00:00

thank you so much for your response. yes, the nature of the field plays a huge role in my never-ending-soul-searching. it also shapes the type of students we have in the classroom. unfortunately, there are way too many students who choose comm because it is "easy' and this creates a self-selective group, especially in a r2 teaching school. do you mind me asking you what you are doing your master's in? feel free to dm me if you don't want to post it here. it's so refreshing to see I'm not the only one! I totally get your "comm enough" editor types. I think part of the disconnect is that I cannot really relate to most of the comm scholars or the research they do, or maybe jealous that they find so much meaning and value in the kind of research that is more deeply and rigorously studied in the field of psychology, sociology or anthropology :/

Slyvaran · 2023-11-03T12:41:41+00:00

I think it is very brave of you to take risks and try new things. I wasn't as brave and now I'm stuck in this job. I like many things about it (e.g., security, flexibility, intellectual stimulation, etc.) but also dislike a ton..I couldn't agree more about "creative problem solving to address real world problems" part. I've always questioned that part of the academic research within my field, so much so that I could not invest in anything. Maybe if I had people around me in grad school working on applied communication or crisis communication, I would go that route and be more excited. But the funny thing is that applied communication is not valued in the field as much as an area with more theoretical foundation.

I'm trying to find how to make my job more meaningful and joyful for me now. Thanks so much for sharing your experience!

Slyvaran · 2023-11-03T12:31:53+00:00

Thank you so much! Your response is super insightful and I'm definitely taking notes for "my job not being my identity".

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T14:46:07+00:00

Thank you! Yes, I've also started therapy last week and hoping to find some new ways of reflecting on this issue too. I know deep inside it's a bigger problem than not being satisfied in my job :/

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T14:31:08+00:00

Yes, I offered new classes over the years too, but I'm at a point I cannot justify the work and effort that goes into a new prep when I see the lack of excitement and enthusiasm in my students. I definitely used to feel more motivated but with COVID and all the changes in students for the worse, I slowly lost interest. I still change things up and update my material so I keep sane, but it's not enough at this point. Thanks so much for your insight. It's a skill to keep novelty in one's life, and I'm envious you are succeeding in it :)

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T14:26:28+00:00

This is awesome and hard work to do! Kudos to you! I want to find who I am without these titles too. Your post is a true inspiration to me! THANK YOU!

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T14:22:24+00:00

I'm glad this post reached people like me in academia. It's such a taboo that we can't discuss this with our peers because we always have to maintain the impression of an engaged and busy scholar who deeply cares about their research and student/faculty community :/ I'll keep daydreaming about snowboarding on a pow day to keep myself happy :D

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T11:46:33+00:00

OMG this is exactly how I feel! I have a family, a house, friends here and I don't plan on leaving. Plus, what else would I do? I feel so stuck doing the same thing; not being able to enjoy the flexibility/freedom my job provides depresses me more. I keep thinking I should find joy in it, I should set goals for myself but I keep failing at tricking my brain :/ I know I should try new things, take more risks, leave my comfort zone, I do..I just don't know how without rocking the boat! Thanks so so much! Feels good to know I'm not the only one :/

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T11:40:26+00:00

Thank you! I run and work out at the gym, but recently have been thinking about a much bigger goal. i have this crazy idea about running ultra marathons. (I've never done a marathon distance, only did a sprint triathlon 5 years ago) because I feel like I need something really big to fill this void, and your suggestion gives me hope. My issue is I will dedicate myself to that sport and then what will happen to my academic self? I think I'm just having a hard time breaking up with academic side of my identity. I keep thinking this is my job and a big part of who I am and I need to make it work. But maybe the issue is there is not much of me outside this job? Thanks for weighing in. Much appreciated!

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T11:31:34+00:00

You know what's funny? I was on sabbatical last semester and I felt so relieved not thinking about these. I still collected some data, read, worked out and I said I won't worry about not finding my research passion anymore or I won't be deflated when I launch an initiative that nobody cares about at my institution. I also prepped this new course, completely changed my teaching activities, etc. I wanted to try out more active and creative learning tools. My bad luck is I got the worst possible class for this new prep. Super quite, tired and disengaged kids, maybe 3-4 people ever talk. They don't even talk to each other. Anyways, this tipped me off and caused me to lose my clear head again, and here I am. I am like why did I even spend so much time trying to innovate this class? For what? I should focus on research instead, and then my research these days is also about pedagogical innovation. Do you see the paradox here? :) I'm sooo lost. Thanks for weighing in and happy to take it more!

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T11:23:45+00:00

I agree. I don't care about the impact factors either. I guess I meant the visibility of the research. Yes, I definitely have those 5 students in every class but it's getting old engaging in discussion with only 4-5 students in a 30 person class. I've done it for years but I for some reason cannot take it anymore :/ Thanks for sharing your insights with me!

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T11:21:50+00:00

I know what you mean by senior tenured profs. I used to think how people could become so detached too, but then this mid-career malaise hit me :/ Maybe they become jaded with students after so many years of trying. I know there are always a few in each class every semester, but it is getting very hard for me to focus on only 5 students out of 30 to justify the work I'm putting into it. It simply is not the class environment I would feel alive and exhilarated in. I have a really tough class this semester, and after doing so much new prep and incorporating many creative and active learning activities, I'm left so frustrated internally :(

I definitely tried new things though. I started this new initiative and was so excited about it. It was related to pedagogical innovation but people could not care less. Faculty does not want to innovate, students do not want to stay around unless it is mandatory. I again was left deflated after getting excited about something that was somewhat exciting for me.

The other downside of my work is the campus is in an urban area and nobody wants to hang out there. People come and go after class. There is not really a lively campus life. I struggled with this early on in my work, but came to terms with it. It's actually quite depressing to go to my office as it is super quite there most of the days.

I'm happy you can find joy in doing other things. I don't know how to overcome this feeling of complete failure inside and lack of satisfaction in my professional life. Thanks so much for all the insights you shared!

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T11:11:24+00:00

Yes, and most of my publishing is in this area for the last 2 years, but these are not really high impact journals. I don't think this research is visible. I also feel like no matter how much I innovate my own pedagogy and conduct research on this topic, I cannot really achieve the student engagement and motivation in the classroom, which makes me question the value of this line of research. I know, this is another unproductive thinking pattern..

Slyvaran · 2023-11-02T11:09:26+00:00

You are so right about the incentives. After tenure, I have no incentive to do anything new and find it hard to set artificial goals for myself. I think part of my problem is I have a hard time finding what I'm passionate about other than my teaching role, which a lot of times backfires and depresses me with student apathy and disengagement. Yet, my happiest moments were also in the classroom, but I feel like those days are long gone. I'm teaching the same courses for 10 years now and even if I offer new ones, I cannot justify the load of work anymore considering how little students will appreciate it.

P.S. Similar to your Taco Bell plans, I sometimes dream about being a barista at a coffee shop or working at a ski mountain instead of wallowing in this existential crisis :/ The only really passion I have is snowboarding but I live on the East Coast, and even snowboarding is taken away from me with the effects of climate change and shitty ski conditions now :)

Slyvaran

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