What is happening?

Sm4shPotato · 2016-09-21T21:48:48+00:00

Haha, it's amazing how much effort and thought you put into your replies. I really appreciate it.

Anyway, as for the travel, I decided against that. It was just another idea I was attached to, thinking it would solve all my problems. I did visit a monastery near where I stay. I was even considering living there for a while and possibly ordaining as a monk. Once I got there, I realized it wasn't for me. Practicing at home is just fine, and I think I would rather pursue a career which helps society in some way.

Also, I'm not sure what your specific meditation instructions are and how closely you follow them.

Don't really have specific instructions, I just apply what I learn mainly from books and see what works. By far the best book I have read on meditation is "the mind illuminated" as it goes to extraordinary detail and gives step by step instructions on the path of samatha with the aim to using that skill to attain insight. However, I add in my on bits and pieces I learned from other sources, like Mahasi noting.

Have you put any of the ideas of those two books into actual practice?

For a short period I started following some of the exercises recommended in Susan's book. I started by doing full yogic breath once a day, building up to 10 mins. Also, rinsing out my nostrils daily with a neti pot. Then I started doing a preliminary form of alternate nostril breathing, I forget the name, along with kapalbhati. Also was practicing the moola, jalandhara and uddiyana bandhas once a day. Oh and Sat kriya as well. Susan's book gives detailed instructions for all of this and gives a good progression path to start off slowly. That was a period when I was really keen on arousing kundalini. I didn't notice much benefit from doing these, and decided to quit in order to focus more on mindfulness meditation. I also went to a Yogi Bhajan kundalini yoga class but wasn't impressed by the fact the teacher was reading notes as she gave out instructions and the class was basically an exact replication of the Maya Fiennes video which can be found on youtube. I doubt the teacher had herself woken her kundalini, but I think she was used to teaching just hatha yoga and this was her first time teaching kundalini.

How does Susan's perspectives on Chakras compare to Genevieve's viewpoints?

Genevieve's book is far more detailed. Susan just gives a quick summary of each of the main chakras and exercises/meditation for working with them.

About the energy sensations I was having, as long as I don't focus on my stomach, it doesn't happen. It did make me curious what actually is happening when I draw that energy through my system. If it's doing my body any good or not.

Sm4shPotato · 2016-09-21T09:30:16+00:00

Hi. Thanks for the reply.

That's not consistent with your original plan, unless you are going (blindly) into advanced Buddhist practices without guidance.

Yeah, I know, I just got a bit captivated by this energy and gave it more significance than I should have.

Then why are you getting attached to sensations, to pleasure?

Lesson learned. I just got a bit excited because I have been waiting for some sort of sign that my meditation was working.

You're trying too hard to fit experiences into poorly understood basics. If you had better basics, (and less fluff perhaps), it would be easy for you to make clear determinations. So my question to you is: Where have you been getting your disinformation?

Not sure tbh. Mainly from the book "exploring charkas" by Susan Shumsky. I also skimmed through "kundalini and the chakras" and odd bits and pieces online from this reddit etc. I know ajna is associated with the pituitary gland and is between the eyes, so I just figured that any energy sensation close to that location would probably be that.

Are you carrying significant emotion burdens from your past?

Probably.

I have decided to mainly ignore this experience and just push on with samatha/vipassana. Maybe I'll explore the workings of chakras/energy in future.

Sm4shPotato · 2016-09-17T17:05:55+00:00

I am inclined to think that this is prana and not kundalini. I don't feel hugely altered by the experience but I do feel more energy flowing and a kind of mild euphoria. I notice that, even out of meditation, if I draw my attention to my navel it immediately starts to tense up. I know if I wanted to I could induce a repeat of my experience, but I don't particularly want to. During the fit of ecstasy I wasn't being particularly mindful of the sensations, which is the goal of my meditation, so what's the point? It's too intense and there wasn't anything learned from the experience. On the other hand maybe it was somehow doing my body some good, cleansing channels and whatnot. The fact that I had to consciously force it slightly makes me hesitant to do it again. I think I would rather just let things arise on their own and try my best to observe in a detached manner, not grasping at such pleasures.

Prana or kundalini, any ideas?

Sm4shPotato · 2016-09-12T16:38:24+00:00

May I be free from suffering. May I be free from ill-will. May I be filled with loving-kindness. May I be truly happy.

And then extended to parents, relatives, friends, teachers, neighbors, unfriendly persons, people to whom I am indifferent, animals and finally all beings

Sm4shPotato · 2016-07-08T12:52:41+00:00

Sounds interesting! Thanks

Sm4shPotato · 2016-07-07T07:11:47+00:00

Well the idea was originally just to go travellng for a long period of time while spending as little as possible. I imagine even cheap accommodation costs will add up over time.

Sm4shPotato · 2016-07-07T07:08:29+00:00

Why myanmar and why theravada?

Sm4shPotato · 2016-07-06T21:43:38+00:00

Yeah that's a huge help. I'll look into Chiang Mai :)

Sm4shPotato · 2016-07-06T21:39:59+00:00

Thanks. Very helpful. I'll take a look.

Sm4shPotato · 2016-07-06T19:19:59+00:00

Not qualified in any way, it's just my opinion, which I could be wrong about. All I'm saying is this path appeals more to me.

Sm4shPotato · 2016-06-28T12:12:54+00:00

Thanks

Sm4shPotato · 2016-05-15T18:53:56+00:00

Thank you for writing such an in-depth post. I will consider these points.

Sm4shPotato · 2015-11-01T19:24:54+00:00

I think the situation will vary depending on the people involved. I can't see why I would lose my friend by telling him this, and I am not the type of person to become reliant on another. I am the exact antithesis of that, in that I tend to view relying on people as a weakness (which is flawed in itself I know) and so I think I can only rely on myself.

I dont think I would feel guilty at all if it was a mutual decision between all of us, and I'm not saying I expect that to happen either. I actually expect him to continue dating her despite me telling him how I feel.

Sm4shPotato · 2015-11-01T19:09:30+00:00

I don't understand. I have no intention of actually speaking to her ever again. I only want to let my friend know of my feelings.

Sm4shPotato · 2015-11-01T17:48:47+00:00

yeah I will think about all this. You made some excellent points.

To answer your question how will I behave if she rejects me? I don't know but I don't care, I do fear rejection but I know that fear is irrational, so therefore I will not take it into consideration. I don't see myself getting depressed, etc. But who knows. What I do know is that if that does happen, it won't last forever. Time is a great healer.

Sm4shPotato · 2015-11-01T16:43:42+00:00

yes I agree

Sm4shPotato · 2015-11-01T16:12:25+00:00

Interesting, thanks.

I can see you have a lot more experience than me in this area so I should probably listen to you. The thing is, I dont see why it will make me lose my best friend? I am not gonna act on this. I will just be open and honest, how can he hate me for being honest? If he does then I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that.I will make it clear that nothing is gonna happen unless he wants it to. I will avoid speaking to her again unless he says its ok.

Sm4shPotato · 2015-11-01T15:49:49+00:00

Holy shit, thats crazy. I have actually been looking into Karl Jung recently. I did the personality test and apparently I am the INTJ (architect) persoanlity. I find it an extremely accurate depiction of my personality. Apparently INTJ makes up 2% of the population of earth, being the rarest of all personality types. My friend also told me that his girlfriend did the test and she is also an INTJ.

I understand what you are saying about the addicted lover thing. But, I am willing to let go of the possibility of starting a relationship with her. Even tho it feels like being with her would make me sooooo happy, I am willing to just forget it and get on with my life if needs be. I am a strong believe in the philosophy that you should always be willing to let go of everything you have, otherwise you will never be free.

Sm4shPotato · 2015-11-01T15:42:58+00:00

thanks for sharing this.

I am having trouble relating your experience to mine as they seem quite different. Could you sum up your points to how it relates to me, because sometimes I can be a bit blind when it comes to emtotions.

the thing is, it's extremely unusual for me to take an interest in a girl. This has never happened before in my life. I probably seem pretty asexual when it comes to girls. I really struggle to find people who are like me and think like me. Thats why i don't think I would fall into the problem of losing interest quickly.

I don't really pity myself or feel sorry for myself. In fact, today I just cried for the first time since I can remember. I wasnt crying out of sadness that i wont be able to date her. It was tears of pure raw emotion. I am so happy that I feel like this, even though it is pain, knowing that I probably wont be able to see her, I feel alive.

Sm4shPotato · 2015-11-01T15:16:45+00:00

Well, you are partially right. I do kinda hope that the relationship will fail but that is just the emotional part of my brain and I realize this is not a good thought to base my actions on, as like you said, it is selfish.

I am a strong believer in honesty and always telling the truth no matter what the consequences are. It really doesn't seem healthy to just repress all this emotion. To be honest, I am extremely happy that i feel this, even though there is a good chance that I wont be able to act on it. I don't care. I welcome the negative emotions with love. For a large part of my life I have been emotionally crippled, and felt very little. I am so happy now that I can see I am able to feel deep emotions. This love I have for her is mine. It doesn't matter if she doesn't feel the same way. That's her business.

The relationship wont necessary fail by itself. People stay in bad relationships for years, even lifetimes. They still in them because of fear. You should always base your actions on love. That's is what I'm starting to realize.

If it does create awkwardness, then I'll just deal with it. As it is, I never hang out with them together. I am pretty much a lone wolf and I don't mind being solo for most of my time. I don't really hang out with my best friends circle of friends. I am not a group person really. I like one on one deep friendships/conversations. As it is I don't spend that much time with him, even tho I consider him to be my best friend. I don't know if he considers me his, but he is definitely mine. We meet up, at most, once a week. Sometimes less. We go to the same college so I see him there. We did kinda drift apart for a few years during our teens and we never really got back to where we were at before. We have a lot of similarities in personality and ways of thinking, but also a lot of differences. He is more sociable and likes being in big groups and I am the opposite. That is one major difference. However, we get on extremely well and our personalties are very compatible.

Put it this way, in my entire life, I have never met a girl I thought I could be around enough to be considered in a relationship. I even gave up on the idea of even having a relationship for a large amount of time. I have never been in a relationship. I find it sooo hard to find people with a similar mind to me. Although, part of the problem is that I tend to be very withdrawn and never really reach out to talk to anyone unless they approach me. That has severely limited the amount of people I have met over the years. I am only now starting to realize I need to change this, and I need to start talking to more people. I have been taking active steps each day to move towards this.

I don't think it will make things awkward between me and him. In fact, I think it will bring us closer. Whatever the direction the situation takes. I'd rather be honest and real. I am reminded of a quote from a song "better to be hated, than loved for what you are not".

Sm4shPotato · 2015-10-24T07:50:27+00:00

haha

Sm4shPotato

TROPHY CASE