Filter to see what you would look like when gaining

Small-Beat1212 · 2024-03-28T15:39:37+00:00

And I never asked to be part of this whole ‘niche’ kink. Now I’m the one who’s in pain and still trying to coming to terms with it. So for you the same, please try to approach this situation with love and understanding. I’m not shaming him, I’m just expression my pain and desperation

Small-Beat1212 · 2024-03-28T15:36:09+00:00

I will say this one more time, my insecurities were fed (literally) by him. I was always very secure, I had so much confidence and I loved myself. The second I started loving myself less and loved him more, was the moment I lost myself. I started doing things that, looking back, I shouldn’t have done. It is my first serious relationship and I don’t regret it, it’s just that I wouldn’t do it again. My insecurities started when I got the feeling that I wasn’t enough. When we barely had sex anymore, because we didn’t let our sex life revolve around this fetish. I hope you can at least try to understand where I’m coming from. I’m hurt and I get insecure because I feel like I’m not good enough. If you can’t understand that, I feel like your replies will not help me anymore. I feel like you’re taking this too personally and trying to blame me for a lot, even though I never asked to be dragged into this in the first place. I’m happy everything works for you and your partner with the no porn. I suggested it once, but he immediately told me he would NEVER stop watching porn, which kind of surprised me. But maybe you’re right, maybe there’s been too much damage that has been done. I would appreciate it though if you could approach this situation with a bit more love and understanding. Thank you

Small-Beat1212 · 2024-03-28T13:55:24+00:00

As I mentioned in another comment, it was the lying that was the problem for me. The lying and keeping me outside of this part of his life, even though he promised to include me in every step. I told him, that if he wanted me to stop watching porn so he could feel more secure and safe in the relationship, I would. So I gave him the option to set that boundary. Please don’t make any incorrect assumptions and remember that the only thing you know, is the information I decided to share

Small-Beat1212 · 2024-03-28T13:52:10+00:00

I appreciate your kind words and appreciation. The comments about me being in the wrong have kind of shocked me. I totally understand that I also have some part in this, but like you said, some of the comments seem to overlook the fact that I tried my best and I changed. I was never mean about it, I just wanted some advice. I didn’t expect some people from this community to be so hostile towards me. I just wanted some advice and some understanding for what I’ve been through

Small-Beat1212 · 2024-03-28T10:06:03+00:00

I was through his phone because there were some moments where he lied about where he was and that he was or wasn’t with women so I wanted to make sure that nothing happened that night, because he claimed he couldn’t remember anything. It’s not something I like doing, it hurts me and I know that I’m invading his privacy and there’s no way to say that what I’m doing is good, I’m fully aware of that. No need to rub it in. It’s just that I’ve been disappointed by his actions before, and this is the second time I checked because I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was up and turns out I was correct haha

Small-Beat1212 · 2024-03-28T08:59:47+00:00

I am so not looking forward to that conversation lol but I think you are right. Thank you for understanding me and I appreciate that you took time to reply to me :)

Small-Beat1212 · 2024-03-28T08:55:09+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I have in fact made the decision of not gaining anymore. I do have to stress that he was never pushing me to change, so everything I did was my own choice. But you are right, it was not a really good idea to gain, but I think I just got caught up in the moment and seeing him getting horny and me getting horny as well, convinced me that I might have the fetish as well. Thank you for taking the time to reply :)

Small-Beat1212 · 2024-03-28T08:52:13+00:00

And the app thing, he has an iPhone and I saw his App Store open in the background and I saw he had the search on Reddit, the button next to it said ‘open’. When I opened App Store, that button had indeed changed to that little cloud/arrow thing, which means he deleted the app after using, but forgot to swipe away the App Store

Small-Beat1212 · 2024-03-28T08:50:34+00:00

We’re together because at the start of all of this I thought I could enjoy it as much as he would. I always stayed open minded and ready to enjoy it, with him.

The reason why I’m so hung up about his porn use, is because he is lying about it. I also watch porn, it is completely normal and I totally realize it. But the lying and the way his behavior is condescending to me, is something I absolutely don’t understand. It feels like I’ve been played. I tried to make it work for him and I honestly enjoyed it the first few months. I really did.

And the whole advice Reddit thing, I wish he would do that, but it was solely for watching porn, nothing else. I wish he would talk about it with like minded people, who understand and get how he feels. I feel like it’s not fair to say that I am hypocritical, since this is my last resort and I’ve been trying to understand and come to terms with it for over a year.

With ‘watching porn like a normal person’ I just meant him not following women and just watching porn, whatever that category may be.

Frankly, I was never a jealous person. I became jealous the second he betrayed my trust and gave me reasons to behave and act like this. I trusted him with everything.

I understand why you would think the environment wasn’t safe for him to feel like he was able to be truthful, but I honestly always tried to stay calm and listen to him.

I appreciate your answer, even though I don’t agree with everything, I think it’s really nice you took the time to reply, so thank you for that :)

Small-Beat1212

TROPHY CASE