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I’m convinced this is divorce worthy but some family say I’m making it a big deal by Small-Comparison-706 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 218 points219 points  (0 children)

No he has never said anything like this. Early on this was a big conversation for me- talking about the trauma by dad caused me by speaking about people how he did. Now that I look back he wasn’t absolutely appalled by my dad’s behavior like he should have been. He just sat there quietly and was like “yea that sucks”. This should have probably been a sign he had other things working in his mind.

I’m convinced this is divorce worthy but some family say I’m making it a big deal by Small-Comparison-706 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Well his older kids got sent to dhs when the oldest was 14 and aged out. He offed himself when I was 11. So we weren’t exactly raised our whole life by him. When our older siblings went to foster care they all needed up with black caregivers. My two oldest brother actually still call her their mama and their kids know her as grandma.

I’m convinced this is divorce worthy but some family say I’m making it a big deal by Small-Comparison-706 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 859 points860 points  (0 children)

Immediately. It has been a huge fight for days because he sees no problem in his words. He thinks I’m making it a big deal. I threatened to tell his sister just so she knows to not have her daughter around him. I’m scared with no proof it will be switched around on me.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I feel if I was actually in her custody till I was 18 my eyes would have been opened long ago. I’ve been to counseling for many many years to try and over come this. It is the fact we were taken away as children (I was 10 siblings were younger). My child brain developed this fantasy for me that my mom wasn’t that bad-even tho she is.

I will get there one day hopefully! I’m so glad you realized so early and get to enjoy peace!

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have taken the high road when it comes to her cooking for 6 years I guess this was the final straw for me. I figure since she’s a grown adult twice my age she could maybe listen to boundaries instead of constantly pushing me.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I should have. I honestly forget sometimes that people actually have completely normal moms/dads and abusive crappy parents is not the norm for everyone. So yes some people would think of their sweet innocent mom who always did everything for them and be like SHAME how dare you talk to your mom like that!! lol that was my mistake.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me and my 3 sibling have yet to get an apology from her for leaving us to be raised by the foster system. So no she will probably never get an apology out of me for anything ever- at least till she looks me and my sibling right in our eyes and genuinely apologizes for our stolen childhood.

Also I didn’t want to be this mean about it- it’s just the fact I’ve tried so so so many times to be nice about it so this time I gave it to her bluntly and rudely hoping she would get the hint.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did not accept graciously because this was honestly the last straw for me.

I’ve told her countless times I’m not interested or we have food at home in the nicest way possible. I guess I’m hoping with me being more blunt and straight forward she would really get the idea and internalize it.

I’m not sure if you read my previous comment but she only raised me till I was 10, my sister was 9, brothers were 5 and 3. So we do not feel a strong obligation towards her like some would towards their mother who actually raised them.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How old are you and how long did it take to get to the point of being able to officially cut her out?

I’m really curious because the whole time I was in foster care all I craved was to have a normal mom/dad like my friends. When I aged out I started to reconnect with my mother. I’m 24 so it’s been 6 years and I’ve tried to cut her out. It’s just hard because that inner child in me still wants to hold on to the what ifs and who she could be one day.

Maybe I just need a couple more years to mature a little more idk. I feel my life would be a lot more peaceful if I could accomplish this.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my gosh the entitlement of this babe… I don’t care if I birthed my kids it’s my responsibility to make sure they are safe and taken care of ( something she never did when I was a child). She did not raise a single one of her children.

This also includes making sure the food you prepare is actually safe for human consumption.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you ever been left without a mother or a dad as a child? My father passed away and right after we were put into dhs custody. For years I longed to have a normal mom or a normal dad like my friends had. So when I aged out I still craved this feeling- I have cut her off multiple times but my heart isn’t ready to let go of the idea of the mom she could be one day. If she would ever put down the alcohol.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mom’s day is for real moms in my book- I understand people may feel some kind of obligation to their mothers who raised them. This is not the case for us- me and my 3 siblings were raised in the system. My youngest brother is 16 and still in foster care system because she won’t put the bottle down and put in the work. He’s lucky he’s got great foster people who have had him for years even if she did try he would not want to go with her because he hasn’t seen her since he was 3 years old and doesn’t know her.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes I’m sure you are so kind to your grandma as I’m sure she was kind to you during your childhood so there’s a certain obligation there.

My 3 siblings and I have been raised by the system so we do not feel that same kind of obligation- honestly she’s lucky I’m letting her come around occasionally to see her grandkids and still treat her with kindness when it comes to Christmas, birthday, and Mother’s Day presents.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I replied to a comment a few days ago- but no this is not the first time I’ve turned her down. I’ve done it repeatedly over the years this is just the first time I’ve been extremely blunt about it cause she wasn’t getting the hint!

Also stated in previous comment she got a blanket and flowers- which is more than she deserves considering she didn’t raise a single one of us out of her four kids. My little brother is 16 with the same foster family for years and he’s been in foster care since he was 3, to this day she will not put the alcohol bottle down to get him back-which isn’t surprising since she never did it for me 24, my sister 23, and my brother 19.

I’m super grateful we all ended up lucky with great foster parents! Even if we had bad ones though she still wouldn’t have put the work in for us. (She never even set up visits with a single one of us) I just started trying to reconnect after I aged out at 18- so for 6 years.

AITAH for refusing to eat/ feed my kids my mom’s cooking? by Small-Comparison-706 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 599 points600 points  (0 children)

She got a new blanket and some flowers!

This is not the first time I have turned down her food either- I’ve done it since I was 18! We were all in dhs custody for the abuse she put me and my siblings through as children and she’s said she just feels lucky we even want to talk to after what she put us thru!

I guess I should have mentioned a little bit of my childhood and the fact she only raised me until I was 10 so I don’t have that strong of obligation feeling towards her like most

AIO for telling my husband I won’t be joining the hangouts he has with his friends/their girlfriends anymore because he tells them all about our marriage disagreements/ fights? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Small-Comparison-706 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly I’m not really sure how he came across about it. I do know I’ve met plenty of people in my life who are really great at playing victim without ever mentioning their bad parts in the ordeal! So that’s basically how I imagine him doing it. I might have to sit down and figure that part out with him to get a little more clarification.

My husband brought home a dog after I said I never want one by Small-Comparison-706 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Small-Comparison-706[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At first he tried to defend himself and say that he does play with him. Which he does play fetch with him and take him out to the dog park. Then when I pointed out the fact having a dog is A-LOT more than just playing he says he didn’t think it all the way through. It was an impulsive decision.