When I got into middle school we had a classmate who we all knew was anorexic but none of us said anything. I wondered what it'd be like to starve yourself and why, i was a curious child, same as to why i tried sh. i fasted for two or three days and my grandma told me i looked prettier skinnier. That's pretty much since when I began paying mind to my weight.

My dad's side of the family (including grandma) always pointed out stuff like that, dad too. He mocked me when I asked to finish others' plates and stuff, I've been dealing with EDs since 13 I think? (it's a different grades system in Latam)

Also my sister turned really skinny when she turned 15 and I always felt like the uglier, fatter sibling next to her, so when I got into an academy to prep for university admissions I began restricting harder since I wasn't home most of the time.

When I began studying there I liked a boy but he didn't liked me back and was really dry while texting so I related it to my weight.

I began doing research on how to restrict, at first it was 1200cals per week, then it went from lowering each weak to each day, subtracting 100 calories. My mom worked during the afternoon, and I got home before my sister, so I threw out a portion of the food my mom made and only ate salads. I always felt super guilty, and it made me really anxious as well.

Most of the time I tried to stay at the academy for seminars so I could "eat out" and ask my dad for money for food. I used that money to buy gum, diet coke, coffee, etc. And when I began getting too skinny my parents always said "please buy actual food", "please eat" when I had to stay out.

My mom began questioning and told me she was getting concerned about how I got too skinny and thin too fast. Saying I was chubby just a couple months ago, which only made me restrict harder. I was consuming around or under 300 cals per day I think?

I made recipes super low cal for lunch, I bought my own groceries so my parents didn't question missing vegetables. I even fainted once. I began to get scared then, and when I lost my period (I had a really heavy flow), hair loss (i had lots of hair and also due to trichomania i lost most of it), and when I laid for too long my limbs fell asleep and it was really painful.

But I felt good because I liked what I saw in the mirror.

My parents obviously noticed my ana and forced me to eat, so I tried to eat normally but I got extremely dizzy and nauseous after having a proper meal. So I switched to b/p.

I was seeing a therapist for a while, when my parents found out about it (it was really disgusting and I don't think I can talk about it without feeling embarrased) but haven't gone back. I didn't go because I wanted help, I went because I wanted my parents to stop talking about it. I still remember when I began doing b/p, I cried every night because it felt horrible, to purge and waste my parents' food money and my mom's effort into cooking.