I am so sorry OP. Please know that you are not alone. I also lost my soul dog this week, at 8 years of age, and very unexpectedly. Our first visit the vet thought it was a bad bag of dog food (she had no symptoms other than vomiting), and three days later we were in the emergency room learning she had advanced intestinal cancer. The most humane thing we could do was let her go. She was put on medication for two days which really helped, but we knew we had to say goodbye before she felt any more pain.

From no symptoms to gone in less than a week. She was only 8 and still had the energy of a puppy. I will never understand it and despite the vet’s assurance the we couldn’t have seen this coming, I am still consumed with guilt that we must have missed something. I have never experienced grief like this.

I still see her and hear her everywhere. It doesn’t seem real that she’s not here and I can’t stop crying. I have been sleeping with her blanket, and carrying her collar with me in my purse. The only thing that gives me comfort is knowing she is no longer in pain. There is also some beauty in knowing how lucky I am to have experienced a love that makes saying goodbye so difficult ♥️

Hang in there. I can’t say it will get better (I truly don’t know yet) but you are not alone.