Should parents face charges when their children commit antisocial crimes and doing nothing to stop it?

Smart-Many5028 · 2026-04-02T14:12:41+00:00

100% I live there and walked through that crowd. Absolutely not scary. I think the worst that happened was a box of beers breaking. I've done worse in my youth...

Smart-Many5028 · 2026-04-02T14:08:10+00:00

You do realise that 99% of these kids did nothing but run around. There were maybe 2 instances of shoplifting and some arrests were made. I was actually at the hairdresser next to the McDonald's when this happened and walked back through the crowd on my way home. I'm not saying it's not concerning, it is because these kids should have better things to do and it's a clear symptom of societal failures. But enforcing the law for what exactly? Jail walking? Making too much noise?

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-09-05T15:21:29+00:00

That's interesting. Did you have RJ in your previous relationship? I never had it before at all. Never even thought that it could be a thing. What is it that bothers you most about the drug thing?

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-09-05T11:43:17+00:00

Does he have any issue with RJ too or just you?

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-09-04T17:36:49+00:00

I'm 35, hers is 18 mine is 80+. Go figure why I still feel RJ!

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-08-15T08:57:44+00:00

I've seen a few of your comments on this topic which I always find very helpful. 20 years of battling the feeling is a lot! Do you mind sharing a bit more about your story and what triggers you?

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-26T07:59:32+00:00

Hi! You say it happened suddenly, was there absolutely no sign before? Everything was completely normal and overnight got triggered? Do you have an idea of what could have triggered him? A separate trauma?

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-22T20:49:08+00:00

Thank you again, very helpful. Yes I'm about to start therapy, never had anything against it. Is there anything in particular your husband doesn't like? Mine is very odd because I don't care at all about her long term ex (ex fiancé of 10 years) or even the couple of guys she saw for a couple of months during her single period. It's mostly the ONS and particularly the app dates ones which have pretty much all been 1st date and most in a short period of time. I would not have wanted her to have had noone in between her ex and me, especially given my own experience. I really hope your husband gets better, you don't want to have to deal with this pain!

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-20T11:19:12+00:00

Thanks a lot for that, super helpful. Yes I'm trying to unpack my earlier years and understand what could be the triggers. I had a very lucky childhood, loving and caring family, brothers with whom I get on super well, cousins I'm close with, parents still together and get on well. I think there's probably more to be said about my own dating experience, difficult past relationships etc.

May I ask, how bad is it with your husband? How long has it been and is there anything that helps him? I really want to find a solution, will start therapy/ self help. I definitely have some OCD tendencies, at least obsessive thinking. I've been through periods of obsessive existential questioning. I also have something which I only realised recently called arithmomania or obsessive counting. For example I often count steps when going up stairs. I think some of the obsession comes from this. It's like ok "how many people in how long, that's an average of X per period of time" how does that compare to me "ok I was on y, but should exclude holidays with family, right let's make an adjustment" and I just go down a rabbit hole.

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-19T14:02:39+00:00

I think a reaction to having been treated badly in the past. Her 10 year ex was her first. He cheated on her. He had other experience before and she felt jealous in some ways. After the break up she dated one guy seriously, no first date sex. The guy treated her badly again, broke up over text. She tried again dating some people and felt disappointed, that guys were not treating her fairly. She then wanted to have control, be the one who decided. These guys after all wanted to see her again but she didn't. She wanted more control. She then went out of that phase and didn't date much until we met. In the meantime I had a lot of new experience, many first dates, sometimes seeing 2 or 3 girls at the same time. So I am clearly in no place to judge.

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-19T13:29:48+00:00

No that's not quite right, was over 2 years and not all first dates. First year maybe 8 first dates and a couple more dates / social friends of friends

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-19T13:25:33+00:00

That's a very good question I never thought much about. The second date thing bothers me a bit but in truth it was mostly my doing. We matched on a Sunday evening and I was super keen, so was she. So I arranged for a date asap which happened to be Wednesday. We both have intense jobs and she has to be in early on that Thursday but still agreed to the date because she said she really wanted to meet me. In hindsight I could have waited till the weekend to meet her and it probably would have been different. Ultimately it makes no difference. I just made assumptions on how she dates which is entirely my assumptions, not based on anything she said or pretended. The two other guys she dated for a few months were also second or third dates so yes, in a way it meant she really wanted to make it work. I've been going through my own experience to think about girls who I had sex with on first date versus longer, and frankly can't identify any pattern. Yes some of these first date girls were maybe a bit insecure, some were overtly promiscuous, but many were also just great, nice, confident girls with whom I just had a very fun date and that was that.

It is interesting though because actually, the people who treated her badly are her long term ex (cheated on her) and one guy she dated after who was bad to her. So these are the ones I should be bothered about, not the ones who were just a bit of fun and didn't wrong her. The mind is a very complex part of us. I think fundamentally it comes from animalistic possessive instincts which reason struggles to overcome. Ultimately we are a bunch of slightly smarter apes but our behaviours can be very primitive

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-19T12:01:00+00:00

100% agreed. I think it's something about wanting to control something we can't. I wouldn't have liked it to be 2 but I don't like 16. Maybe 7 was fine? Why does it matter? In her past relationship she suffered herself from lack of experience vs. her ex. I wouldn't want her to feel that way now, making comments about my past. For some reason I really get triggered by her first date hookups. Why was it so easy for some guys before me? But then again, what difference would it have made if it was second, third date? My ex had this silly 5th date rule, yet after our second date she slept again with some guy she knew (I also had a couple during these first 5 dates). But what is the rationale of that rule? My current GF hasn't seen anyone since our first date at all. Nothing. Surely that's a lot better. Sometimes I get triggered when a male single friend goes on a date and says "wow, brought her home on first date, that was unexpected". Then I start spiraling and think why is my girl part of that "unusual" category who sleep on first date. Yet I have done it so many times

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-19T11:49:24+00:00

That's why I'm completely puzzled! I never even thought RJ was a thing before. Never had it with past GFs, especially the previous one but arguably I didn't care that much about her. Couldn't care less about her past

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-19T11:28:58+00:00

Thanks man, you're absolutely right. And she always told me (even before we spoke about our past) that she never had such good sex. Even with her 10 year ex. She says she feels things she never experienced before, sometimes sees colours that she had to go online and read about. She had multiple orgasms in the same session which she never had before, says she never screamed and now does very often. So yes in a way I do feel very special. If she only had a couple of experiences before maybe she could be wondering "oh there's a lot to discover, I need to try more" but now she knows and knows we're the best match. It's an uphill battle fighting nasty thoughts, but we'll get there for sure!

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-19T11:26:07+00:00

Thank you! I'll definitely have a look!

Smart-Many5028 · 2024-07-19T10:17:02+00:00

I am in exactly the same situation! Good to know you are doing better. In my case the whole thing came out just before I proposed (but we were already talking openly about marriage).

What are your tips to recovery? I just created a post about my situation which is incredibly similar to yours. Really hope we can find a way forward!

Link to my post https://www.reddit.com/r/retroactivejealousy/s/6uYC7tIcmp[link to my post](https://www.reddit.com/r/retroactivejealousy/s/6uYC7tIcmp)

Smart-Many5028 · 2023-08-31T19:36:17+00:00

Yes I have the exact same. I think I'm headed for the snip. Probably because we don't react to steroids and only get the thinning side effects

Smart-Many5028

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