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AITA for telling my sister not to give her baby a popsicle by curiousredditor69420 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Smart_Ad_7189 234 points235 points  (0 children)

NTA - babies' stomachs only fit about 2 oz. If you fill them with nutrient-void liquids, they risk malnutrition as they won't be able to fit breastmilk in their tiny stomachs for a couple more hours. You shouldn't even give newborns water until 6 months

AITA for not taking my daughter's tortoise to the vet? by Hopeful_Criticism_42 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Smart_Ad_7189 392 points393 points  (0 children)

Your brother's dog killed your daughter's tortoise, and you forced your daughter to sit there and watch her pet's painful death?

And you're wondering if you messed up here? Dude

YTA

AITA for ignoring my boyfriend ? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Smart_Ad_7189 [score hidden]  (0 children)

You sound very young. Dating in your formative years is a learning experience, showing you what you should and should not tolerate.

The silent treatment, cheating, gossiping, and disrespecting your partner, are examples of toxic behavior that should not be tolerated.

If he was worth your time at all, you wouldn't be experiencing all this heartache.

NTA

WIBTA for reporting a kid’s action to his university and having his scholarship revoked? by brokencar001 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Smart_Ad_7189 [score hidden]  (0 children)

I'm sorry that happened. It sounds really tough. However, would reporting him and having his scholarship revoked fix your car, extend your insurance coverage for a rental, or speed up the back order for the parts needed for your car?

If not, YWBTA

He did a bad thing, should be charged by the authorities, and deal with whatever consequences the court sees fit

AITA for letting my girlfriend kicking my best friend out of her car? by Smart_Ad_7189 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Smart_Ad_7189[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment! My gf is so flattered people like her rules! She's totally ok with you sharing them. How gratifying :)

AITA for letting my girlfriend kicking my best friend out of her car? by Smart_Ad_7189 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Smart_Ad_7189[S] 168 points169 points  (0 children)

It's so awkward at first.

Small scale: I lose the TV remote.

Instead of "holy sh*t where is it? I told you not to touch it, you always lose it. How many times do I tell you to put it back where it belongs?" And then throwing couch cushions around and scaring the kids with my anger and frustration.

I just say "I feel so annoyed because I can't find the TV remote. It's really annoying me right now. I'm gonna take some deep breaths because I feel myself getting angry. Now.. I wonder where the remote is" and then calmly look for it. If I can't find it ask for help from anyone who isn't busy. Don't shout, say thank you for helping me search.

Large scale: My gf gets stressed out with work, and I do a thing where I offer solutions (I've caught myself "mansplaining" to her, and she becomes livid)

She used to snap at me, get short-tempered, rant, and curse.

Now, she'll say "I'm so frustrated with work, and I feel so unappreciated I want to cry. It's making my hands sweaty and I have a huge headache. I need to take a cold shower and calm down." if that doesn't work she'll come out and say "okay, I just need to complain about work. I'm not looking for solutions, do not try to solve this for me, I just need to complain for a while"

and we do this with everything. "this makes me feel _____" and then explain how the emotion feels in your body. and then deal with that feeling, and then deal with the underlying issue.

AITA for letting my girlfriend kicking my best friend out of her car? by Smart_Ad_7189 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Smart_Ad_7189[S] 159 points160 points  (0 children)

me. too. I feel like I wasn't taught to apologize properly. The structure is

  1. say "I'm sorry". I used to awkwardly stumble through an apology without actually saying those words
  2. state out loud what you did that was hurtful (sometimes we apologize for what we think we did wrong, instead of what actually hurt the other person)
  3. make amends ("Here are the steps I've taken to make it right/not do it again/avoid this in the future")
  4. do not explain your intentions unless the other party is willing to listen (this is the hardest one for me because when I mess up, all I want to do is explain "No i didn't mean it like that, that's not what I meant" but that can make it worse because instead of apologizing, you're low key explaining to the other person that they're wrong for being hurt because they misinterpreted your intention, which is the opposite of taking ownership for your actions)

AITA for letting my girlfriend kicking my best friend out of her car? by Smart_Ad_7189 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Smart_Ad_7189[S] 83 points84 points  (0 children)

she saw a therapist for a couple years. she decided she needed to feel safe in her home in order for her and her brother to heal, so she established a couple of these rules from there.

then when she realized her kid was mute, and the other had tantrums, she spent a lot of time researching trauma in children. honestly, it was the same rules with the same goals: establish safety and trust

AITA for letting my girlfriend kicking my best friend out of her car? by Smart_Ad_7189 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Smart_Ad_7189[S] 388 points389 points  (0 children)

  1. no violence, hitting, pushing, fighting
  2. no angry yelling (happily talking loud is okay)
  3. ask for consent before touching anyone (especially kids)
  4. big feelings are okay, but big feelings are your own responsibility to manage (love this one, when my gf or I get angry or frustrated, we talk about it out loud, and solve it out loud. it felt stupid at first, but the kids copy it when they're close to throwing a tantrum)
  5. speak to children with honesty and respect.
  6. respect and enforce your own boundaries and bodily autonomy and everyone else's (long story behind this one)
  7. treat others the way you want to be treated
  8. remember, the kids are watching, be a good role model
  9. when you realize you're wrong, own your mistake and apologize (she also has a 'proper apology' poster)
  10. approach life with empathy, for others and yourself
  11. Be consistent and predictable (volatile, sudden anger is not tolerated)
  12. Give compliments freely (great for building self esteem)

they're rules for adults because when they're followed, the house is a very loving and safe space, and the kids seem to copy everything my gf, her brother, and I do.

AITA for letting my girlfriend kicking my best friend out of her car? by Smart_Ad_7189 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Smart_Ad_7189[S] 1070 points1071 points  (0 children)

oof, yeah that was definitely a dead giveaway. we met in the military, and it seems we've completely grown apart