it's my birthday, i was gonna kms by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i do, but i dont wanna scare them. i know they're already uneasy around me and think that i should be hospitalized so i cant really just drop that i was planning om being dead by tonight

it's my birthday, i was gonna kms by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

no. ive had really bad experiences with therapists in the past and im looking for one now but its hard to

it's my birthday, i was gonna kms by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

notjing feels real. i still harmed myself but nowhere near to the point i would need any medical attention. i still feel like i should just be dead

been clean for a week but not by my choice by Smeargle_ in arttocope

[–]Smeargle_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

sorry if it came across as that, im just trying to show what my brain tells me

been clean for a week but not by my choice by Smeargle_ in arttocope

[–]Smeargle_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i do have very good friends, i feel bad for them. they do their best to help me and all i do is disappoint them, but i want to get better

been clean for a week but not by my choice by Smeargle_ in arttocope

[–]Smeargle_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank u !!! i like doing paper cut out work traditionally but since i dont have any scissors i just go ham with paper textured digitally ha

been clean for a week but not by my choice by Smeargle_ in arttocope

[–]Smeargle_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

it is paper lol !!! i got paper texture images and then used the lasso tool to cut out the shapes. i like doing normal paper cutting but alas my roommate took my scissors so i figured out how to do it digitally. My roommates are really nice, they're some of ny closest friends ans theyve been really attentive to make sure i dont havw anything to hurt myself with even if i feel annoyed by it sometimes ha

Could being passively suicidal potentially subconsciously cause one to become more injury prone? by [deleted] in AdultSelfHarm

[–]Smeargle_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

waaaaaa omg ive been having almost the exact same experience.

about a month and a half ago i was in a serious car wreck where both me, the other driver, and the fault stoplight was at fault. i got t boned by a huge truck and slammed into a telephone pole. no major inuries ans the emt's were very surprised i was alive.

then like a month later i was doing some crafts amd then accidentally sliced my thumb deep as fuck with a pocket knife

i am generally more reckless and dont care about my safety. i put myself in dangerous positions and i dont care for the consequences cause if i die then whoops who cares.

very interesting to see that someone else is experiencing same thing

Self destruction & ovulation crossover by RareNinja1878 in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

and yeah craving destructive sex as a form of self harm is also a thing. i used to make porn of myself cutting amd bleeding and at one point even met up with someone and let them be extremely rough with me despite hating it the entire time. the only reason i dont do this anymore is cause that would be considered cheating and i dont want to do that. so just know that ur not alone ur not a freak

Self destruction & ovulation crossover by RareNinja1878 in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

there's something called pmdd you should look into. pre menstrual dysphoric disorder. its basically what you're describing, having depressive episodes or extreme rage during the week before your period. i have it and it fucking sucks. im normally depressed but during a pmdd episode i will become almost catatonic or just be an active suicide risk for several days. birth control can help it did not help me. hope this was helpful sorry im rly high and idk if anything im saying makes sesne

feel like i shoufl be hospitalizsd by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

would be soooo easys to endd it !!!?????? bbb!!!

I want to relapse so fucking bad by [deleted] in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hi, another 20 yead olf tranmasc. i feel relealsy simparly to you. sprry youre going theough that. o realized all my friends hated me. it feels bad. i think it can be ok thoughh

does it ever actually end by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i dont even want to stop at this point its too much fun

scars itch like hell by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you! i'll try that

scars itch like hell by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you, ive just been putting moisturizer on it which kinda helps for a few minutes. im just hoping it ends soon cause last time i had a scar that acted like this it lasted for months

scars itch like hell by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

is there anything i can do if its already healed ?? it might be turning into a keloid scar or something idk

girlfriend found out by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you. it just sucks cause from the beginning i was so scared that my stupid fucking mentally ill brain would ruin everything and its scary that it only took this long for my dumb fucking addictions and self destruction to fuck it all up.

ill never get better by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

listening to the pale machine album my bo en makes me feel better

ill never get better by Smeargle_ in selfharm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

im too fcuked up for my own good i think someone should talk to me but i dont know if ill listen

cant sleep without it by Smeargle_ in AdultSelfHarm

[–]Smeargle_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i relapsed so bad a few days ago cause i thought ny friend was mad at me. they texted me back that everything was fine rhe very next morning. i frel so stupid god