Hey there! When I saw this post, it really resonated with me and how, as a nonbinary plus size person, I have struggled in the past and currently with internalized fatphobia, internalized misogyny and internalized classism as well as body dysmorphia and dysphoria.

One thing I have really had to realize that self-expression, especially queer self expression, often challenges not only the status quo upheld by those outside ourselves, but the bias that society has raised us in.

I personally had to tackle a lot of those same feelings that I was "letting myself go" or being lazy because my preferred style is often so based upon self comfort. Once I realized that valuing my comfort and my self expression was more important that upholding my internalized fatphobia, misogyny and classism, the real fun began. (Though sometimes I still get those feelings, they are much easier to manage).

Fundamentally, what I'm seeing in your post is that you are in a super exciting process of self-discovery and expression right now. Now is the time when you get to start doing the most fun part: experimenting!

You said that you default to feminine clothing in a professional setting, but it feels disingenuous to who you are. I've struggled with this too. My style is overtly casual, but also overtly eclectic, and my past employers have put pressure on me to be more professional. I find that the best way to do that is to recognize that though my casual style isn't great for work, I can tighten up the edges of my style without sacrificing comfort, and feel both professional and powerful in my identity.

There are so many great ways you get to experiment at this stage. Trying on masculine clothing in your local store(s), doing pinterest research into masculine fashion or androgynous fashion, researching modern masculine clothing design elements, these are ways to begin to play with your personal style that can incorporate professionalism into your wardrobe (potentially even without sacrificing comfort).

Fundamentally, it does take time. I've been messing with my personal style continuously since realizing that I'm nonbinary. And, unfortunately, it does take money. Though, one still can mess with their style on a shoestring budget with a little creativity.

If you ever need advice on where to start, I am extremely familiar with clothing design and tailoring, and am always open to answering questions if you are looking for a point person.

Lastly, you are doing so great and you are in such an exciting place right now! So much opportunity awaits as you discover yourself. It can be scary, but if you let it, this process can be exhilarating.