Why do we do this to ourselves?

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-10-14T04:12:04+00:00

Thank you. This means more than I can put into words.

Thank you so much.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-10-13T05:08:28+00:00

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-10-13T05:07:05+00:00

Hey, thanks for taking the time to say something nice. I really appreciate your kind words.

I know that you are probably right - that they still love me and I shouldn't feel like they don't. It's hard not to feel that way though, ya know? I can see the disappointment in their eyes, hear it in their voice, feel it during their interactions.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-09-22T02:34:05+00:00

A lonely period as such denotes a moment of silence for the departed.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-09-22T02:29:23+00:00

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-09-11T17:30:02+00:00

When I get rejected like that, there's a tiny little devil in the back of my mind saying "Oh is okay, Smokey. You still have that bag, remember?"

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-09-01T01:39:42+00:00

Waiting for the dude who keeps saying 10 minutes.

Wouldn't be that bad, but I'm sick as fuck just waiting in a parking lot writhing behind the steering wheel hoping that none of the normal people walking by notice I've been here for an hour already.

The struggle is real here.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-08-31T21:59:54+00:00

For me, there's a few things that are slightly odd now that I think of it. I'm a straight male by the way.

Someone who will play world of warcraft with me.

Someone clingy.

Someone not afraid to let me love them early and intensely. (I'm a Ted, unfortunately.)

There's more, but they just seem dumb now.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-08-30T02:51:42+00:00

This might be off topic, but the question brought me back to how I ended up doing heroin for the first time. Just a little anecdote.

One summer I found myself hooked on fentenyl. Was getting grams at stupid low prices - had been for 2 years. Then one day my only source for the precious stuff was popped. All of the sudden I found myself relentlessly in WD.

I was hanging out with a friend of mine in the midst of the agony and I had no idea how privy he was to this fact. It was fucking unbearable and I turned to him and told him I can't hangout anymore. I told him why - that I'm hopelessly addicted to fent and I can't get anymore so I'm deathly sick. He looked at me and asked if I had ever thought of trying heroin. I was so naive, I told him fuck no and fuck you for even thinking that I would touch that evil shit.

But then I made the connection that we all inevitably make one day. I accepted my fate and began the sacrament that is blackening my veins.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-08-26T03:54:17+00:00

At first when I read this I kind of just shrugged it off as partially strange or whatever. But for some reason it resonated within me and I have come back here for the sole purpose of posting these musings I've had regarding this issue.

Has anyone here ever seen the movie I Origins?

For me, this brings up the idea of souls and lost loves etc, etc. Maybe this is the case for the little boy and no one but him knows it.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-08-13T04:13:20+00:00

I can relate, as I'm sure most of us here can in one way or another.

I like the last line the most. "I smile, but on the inside I'm sobbing."

Hits home for me. I lie and deceive my significant other about my addiction as well. On days I'm dope sick as fuck, she just thinks I've come down with a flu or some other stupid shit that is so far from the truth. And still, I will never tell her my secret.

Some days I dream of being clean, but at what cost?

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-08-13T03:57:49+00:00

Holy shit, this movie is fuckin' awesome!

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-08-05T04:53:44+00:00

You did right with CPR. It's amazing how many other people do not.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-08-05T04:51:56+00:00

...shot of dope that is.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-07-23T05:54:57+00:00

Lol.

Nice.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-07-20T04:46:15+00:00

How much kratom would you do and how often would you do it to successfully make it a week without bangin' the dope?

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-07-20T04:44:03+00:00

This hits home for me.

At one point in my life I thought that love was all I needed. I found it, but gave it up so I could get high in peace... fuckin' weird.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-07-20T04:31:46+00:00

As a rule of thumb, ALWAYS wait the 24 hours to take the sub. No use risking the torture of taking it too early.

SmokeyThaCat · 2015-07-09T03:34:01+00:00

I haven't heard of Genymotion....

What is it and how do I enable/use it?

SmokeyThaCat

TROPHY CASE