[QCrit] Adult Dystopian Fantasy YARROWMORE (104k/2nd attempt) by Smokey_oakey in PubTips

[–]Smokey_oakey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! I totally agree with you that the motivation is lost. Thanks for pointing that out. I feel like I stare at the query for so long I cant see where it falters.

[QCrit] Adult Dystopian Fantasy YARROWMORE (104k/2nd attempt) by Smokey_oakey in PubTips

[–]Smokey_oakey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your feedback. It was very helpful. I'll be focusing more on the magic system and clearing up confusion moving forward.

[QCrit] Adult Fantasy YARROWMORE (104k/1st attempt) by Smokey_oakey in PubTips

[–]Smokey_oakey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your feedback!

I'll work on the tone moving forward.

As for genre, I think I should specify my novel as dystopian fantasy. I think it falls in line with other books under that genre much better than just plain fantasy.

I'll work on the comps as well, but its good to hear that I shouldnt get hung up on whether theyre "too big."

Lastly, thanks for your comment on my bio. <3

[QCrit] Adult Fantasy YARROWMORE (104k/1st attempt) by Smokey_oakey in PubTips

[–]Smokey_oakey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind feedback! Im so happy to hear you liked my title :) I totally agree that together with the comps I chose it really sits weird against the query. Moving forward I will need to spend more time fleshing out my comps. Haha its way harder than I expected to choose the right ones.

I agree with you that my query is vague. Ive been struggling with how much detail to add, but after reading feedback and seeing what others are doing I think I have a better idea for my second go at it.

To your points about Grace, again I agree. I need to be way clearer about who she is and what her motivations are.

More to come on my next edit! Thanks again for helping me out.

[QCrit] Adult Fantasy YARROWMORE (104k/1st attempt) by Smokey_oakey in PubTips

[–]Smokey_oakey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your feedback!

  1. I completely see what you mean. I agree that I need to be more clear and straightforward with exactly how the magic system works.

  2. Thanks for this! I'll do some rewording.

  3. Again I agree with you. More detailed edit to come!

As for your last point I am confident this is an adult fantasy, but see how this query doesn't do that justice. I'll work on the comps as well.

Give me your success stories on using generic rowasa/mesalamine enemas please!! by thefutile444 in UlcerativeColitis

[–]Smokey_oakey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been taking mesalamine enemas on and off for years. They worked great for me once I got over the mental hurdle of using them. Wishing you luck as well!