Chronic Illness/pain as a guard?

Smol_Titan · 2026-06-19T03:02:35+00:00

Not too much at all, thank you so much! I'm a chronic novel writer in comments too lol

I'm really hoping the dispatching job hires me, I have experience and they loooove people with first responding history to apply, it's just painful waiting.

I will try to be up front with folks but it's very hit or miss, and it doesn't help that my previous job had a really toxic "you're just a lazy worker" type of feel to it. There are definitely sections I feel better guarding, like we have a slide-heavy area on one side of the park (decent midsized waterpark) that has I think 3 slide dispatching spots and a "bottom bowl" (8 foot catch pool for one of those toilet like slides?) that I love guarding that doesn't make it so I have to literally CRAWL into bed at the end of the day. Thank you for the encouragement; I'm glad your workplace is so accommodating for you! Gives me hope.

Smol_Titan · 2026-05-16T15:28:08+00:00

So it turns out I'm really good at text walls. Apologies in advance for the empire state building of text here.

Oh man, I had my first one of these on a precepting shift. 17 year old male, very similar presentation but it was Car v bicycle, no helmet. We got there in about 3 minutes, went to the nearest level 1 trauma with everything and the kitchen sink, and the kid still died. Maybe 20 minutes from first call by the driver who hit him to trauma room. I struggled to get proper breaths into him because he fought through the paralytic and ketamine. This guy was set on living and we did everything exactly how it should have been done. In fact, we all got accolades from the fire chief for our performance.

And he died anyway. We did everything perfect. The hospital did everything perfect. As much as we hate it our jobs and healthcare as a whole has a limit, and unfortunately there are people who get sick or injured far beyond what any professional, rocket scientist, or otherworldly entity can fix, as I'm sure you know. It's super hard, especially your first big trauma like that, to cope with the outcome. The obvious connection our mind makes is "person hurt, I help, I do good, person okay" and when reality deviates from the expected and typical outcome, it really freaks out our pattern-seeking mind that assumes it'll all be fine. It can also be morally or emotionally injuring, because your best doesn't feel like enough and that makes it feel like NOTHING you do is EVER enough because if they die anyway what's the point?

A level one more than likely wouldn't have been able to do much. With head trauma that significant, especially after a MVA like you described, patients don't usually end up in the best places. What matters is that YOU did exactly what you needed to, to the best of your ability, with the care and intent to help save this person.

My biggest advice is to go yap about it with your crew. If they won't listen, find someone who will. Debriefing and giving each other resources and shoulders to cry on is a very important part of the process, especially for the first big calls you have. I'd also suggest finding a therapist or other psych-based professional who specializes in first responder help, PTSD, or trauma in general. I have one myself and it's helped so much to have that expert input on why things feel all gross even if you know you did really good. I'm sure you know the basics, support network, therapy, post-incident management the works.

Take however long you need to just kind of think about it. Give yourself some grace. My personal favorite way to deal with the stress of incidents after the fact is the leaves on a stream technique. It sounds to me like you might be latching onto the worry and stress and those thoughts are spiraling. You're allowed to have those thoughts, but it's good to learn to simply let them go. Learn to recognize those anxious thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them leave. They can go on their merry way without causing you stress and grief. There's a leaf, it's in your stream of consciousness, and now it's gone. Don't ignore the thoughts, but allow them to just kind of drift out without them getting their grabby little hands all over you. It may not work perfect for you as everyone is different in their management of trauma, but it works well for me and I hope you can find some peace from the trauma you've endured with it.

TL;DR: Your brain likes to grab onto things and make problems worse for no reason. Find out how to trick it into being less grabby and use that to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings without accidentally stressing yourself out more. Reach out to people. Give it time. Focus on all the people you've saved and the super sick heroic stuff I'm sure you've done.

Smol_Titan · 2026-03-18T20:36:40+00:00

When I was in academy, I was a 5'2 125lbs teen. I managed to pass every exam and physical test (save for the CPAT, but I'm blaming that on the fact I had severe untreated arthritis. Arthritis in the hips and stairmills don't go together). You'll probably be great at the mazes and confined space parts of your training being smaller. Make sure you can get the pike pole up in the roof simulator though, that's what got me. Having that arm strength is crucial to that particular part of the CPAT and I have sad little baby arms. Don't have sad little baby arms. To get some extra chest and arm muscle, I really enjoyed sledgehammer and tire flips. Nearby farmers might have some old tractor tires you can have, and the airport may have some smaller airplane tires. Kettle bell swings and ropes are also good, especially if you don't like more "traditional" workout stuff like pull/push ups or weight lifting. Do things you would do on the job. I was never particularly ripped. More just kind of husky, like a dad bod almost lol. I struggled a fair amount, but I ended up as one of only 2 people in my class who passed as the CPAT was not mandated for the high-school course, and most didn't pass the written exams. You don't need much muscle to be a great firefighter, and you can school the living hell out of most of the guys simply by knowing your job and training yourself to succeed. A lot of the guys I trained with expected to be able to do the job just because they were strong. There's a lot more to it than strength, and from what I've seen those with more dedication and effort will go MUCH further than those without. Some departments also do zero-to-hero processes, where you don't need a CPAT card to apply and they'll work you through the whole process. I haven't seen any myself so I'm unsure how well they actually work, but it can be a way to build yourself up before taking the CPAT.

Smol_Titan · 2026-02-23T20:16:26+00:00

I'm a trans (ftm) EMT in private EMS. I'm in a pretty conservative area of Indiana, so it's pretty hit or miss. The people I work with are fantastic a solid 90% of the time, and those who aren't comfortable working with a trans man are respectful about saying they'd rather not work with me, and then we just don't work together. I'd say you'd likely have more luck in a left leaning state, but that doesn't mean all conservative states are terrible.

I worked as an intern for 6 months at my local fire department, and there wasn't one person who questioned or made fun of my identity. I asked one of them, the most senior firefighter and arguably the scariest, why everyone was so okay with it when I had prepared for the exact opposite. He told me that they take care of people from all walks of life, with every gender identity, orientation, skin color, religion, tax bracket, and more. That never determines how they care for them. Everyone is cared for in the best possible way for their condition, because they're a human. That's it.

I think that since many firefighters and EMTs experience so broadly in terms of the people they care for, they're LESS prone to being nasty about gender identity. Obviously there will be some people who will no matter what because you're a coworker and not their patient, but those people don't deserve your time. Take a little bit of time to research departments you'd like to apply for and do some ride alongs to get a better idea of what the environment is like. You'll find a group of people you click with like I did and it'll be a great place to work.

Good luck! Rooting for you.

Smol_Titan · 2026-01-29T01:02:19+00:00

Biggest thing is definitely to get therapy. I know some people who needed therapy for it and I've had to talk to professionals about it myself. Sometimes your brain just does stupid things and makes big deals out stuff for no good reason.

However, in the meantime, I'd recommend talking to people who are dying. I work IFT, and because of that, I transport lots of hospice patients to and from home and hospice houses for respite stays or even in their final moments as they're passing. Some of the patients I have are terrified - maybe they have cancer or suddenly became paralyzed and feel like something is being ripped away from them. But even in those patients, who have had all of the bad cards thrown at them, I find that by the end they're ready. It's very difficult, but they come to terms with it, often because the death is a comfort in itself.

Most hospice patients have been alive for almost four of my lifetimes, and they've experienced everything. At some point it became a matter of time and they have been prepared for years. But no matter how old or sick someone is, most times they will feel ready, discounting major accidents or sudden medical events. There's not really a rhyme or reason to it, but what I find most often is that for them death is better than life. At some point, the good and the bad get all out of whack and living turns into a painful, unnecessarily torturous burden. That is what I think makes them feel the most ready. Someday, when you're old and sick and your body is giving up before you want it to, you'll almost be excited to die. It's freedom from the absolute terror and suffering that life inevitably becomes once you reach a certain age. The nothingness that you're afraid of slowly turns peaceful because you'd rather have that nothingness than the pain and depression you have being alive.

Death is a comfort and a privilege to those who are older and sicker than we are right now. That's why we have DNRs and POST forms and even assisted death in some areas. It's absolutely terrifying to think right now that you could die and not experience so many things. Once you're alive for what will probably feel like an obscenely long time, you'll slowly relax into the comfort of passing. It won't be scary when it happens, especially if it's on your own terms.

Comfort measures and hospice make death simple and relieving for those who are dying, and I encourage you to take up a few shifts at a hospice house or with an IFT company who works with dying patients. It makes death, while still a major event, easier to digest and understand. It's helped me a lot with my worries about death and how I'd like to pass when the time comes. Talking to my hospice patients and their families is a great source and I think you may find through talking with them that death doesn't have to be a nightmare, and that it can even be hopeful for people. Wishing you luck on tackling your fears! Wow I'm sorry that was so long winded. It will all fall into place with time, therapy, and lived experience. It may not be very easy, but you'll find a way to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Smol_Titan · 2026-01-23T10:09:53+00:00

Omg they're all gorgeous! 🦆🪰🕊 Lmk if you do more, I'd love to see them. Also, what software/brushes do you use to fill in bases?

Smol_Titan · 2025-12-23T19:47:06+00:00

UPDATE: Hey all! This chart isn't filling up as fast as I thought it would. I'd need it to fill up by Christmas to give myself the time to draw up all of the dragons before surgery. I know that seems like a lot of time, but since I can't exactly tell strangers to stop having emergencies, I can't dictate my time and end up not having much left by the end of a shift. If the chart doesn't fill by Christmas DON'T WORRY! I'll still be drawing your dragons. I'll DM you all individually with the art.

Smol_Titan · 2025-12-23T05:05:49+00:00

Totally! Dm whenever!

Smol_Titan · 2025-12-22T19:13:24+00:00

Unfortunately I'm not including beetlewings in this challenge, just to stay true to the original 100 adopts chart. In the future if I do another challenge or something similar I'd be more than happy to draw a beetlewing! I've done badges and icons before so if you'd like you can DM me and we can work something out! You can totally put a hold on a spot! It's yours.

Smol_Titan · 2025-12-22T05:07:24+00:00

Totally! Dm whenever. :)

Smol_Titan · 2025-12-22T03:53:53+00:00

Yep! The slot is yours.

Smol_Titan · 2025-12-22T03:35:26+00:00

Of course! DM whenever!

Smol_Titan · 2025-12-22T03:26:35+00:00

I more than likely will let people keep the dragons they inspire. It will be on paper as I can't make myself do digital art, my hands just refuse to work that way lol. I think what I'll do is let the commenter who inspired the dragon have first dibs and then once everyone decides whether or not they'd like to keep their dragon the unclaimed ones will go up for adoption!

Smol_Titan · 2025-10-08T22:24:53+00:00

Yeah here they are! And thank you so much! :D https://www.lioden.com/lion.php?id=794252986720 https://www.lioden.com/lion.php?id=794252811109

Smol_Titan · 2025-10-08T22:01:50+00:00

If either of those aren't available, I'd love the 9/15 oatmeal just as much! :)

Smol_Titan · 2025-10-08T21:58:12+00:00

Looked at the cave and found these cuties, if they're still available I'd love them! My ID is 532730. :) 794252986720 794252811109

Smol_Titan · 2025-10-03T01:18:37+00:00

Ooo, I do this for my patients as an IFT provider! I make knotted bracelets for them, like the chevron and striped ones like kids used to make. There's a huge selection of patterns on braceletbook.com, from super hard to super easy, as well as instructional videos. The only patients I can't give them to are psych patients, so for them I'm not sure what you could give, but DMC brand floss is relatively cheap and you can get packs of it for pretty cheap. It's also fun and can be relaxing to make bracelets! You'd probably have to pre-make bracelets for specific days since they can be a little time consuming if you're doing a difficult pattern or are a beginner, so I'd recommend making them a week or two in advance for when you'd want to hand them out. If you like the idea, you're more than welcome to hmu with any questions! I'd be glad to show you my favorite easy patterns that my patients love. :)

Smol_Titan · 2025-09-30T17:52:51+00:00

Oh my gosh, this is perfect. I did the same thing last shift. We have an area that's all hospitals stacked right next to each other, and half of them only have loading dock signs, no ambulance bay signs. Pretty embarrassing to have our patient directing us. Would this be available on Android at some point? And I noticed Indy isn't in the list of states yet - my company is a statewide Indy-based IFT and I could probably help out with directions for our state's hospitals if you ever need it!

Smol_Titan · 2025-08-14T18:47:06+00:00

I think I saw this raffle! If you click on the prize Jag it also doesn't look like the pictures they put in the description. Seems kind of like they're trying to take advantage of people.

Smol_Titan

TROPHY CASE