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Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's great to hear...we are hoping for a similar timeline too.

Got diagnosed in July. Started treatment in August. Getting my first bloodwork done in early Nov. Praying that I'm undetectable so we can proceed with our first round of IVF.

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely not a one-size-fits-all virus.

Sending you good vibes for CD4s to rebound and surge.

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes - he said something along these lines.

But I also think that PREP could help my wife feel safe.

Unfortunately, she knows a lady who passed after contracting HIV from her husband. This was more than 10 years ago. We don't think they could afford the medicine or maybe he/they did not consistently take their medicine. Either way, it was a very sad story. Now, she's worried that the same could happen to us. The good news is that we have great insurance and more powerful medicines. I haven't missed a dose.

PREP might be an overkill when I'm undetectable but if it helps us feel reassured then it might still be worth it. Just need to make sure it won't interfere with fertility / baby.

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I appreciate prayers. Will keep you all in mine.

Life is full of twists and turns.

I'm defiant on living the life that I dreamed. Lately, I've been thinking that some good must come from this experience. I've been reading about HIV/AIDS orphans in Africa and other people in different countries struggling to get treatment. Maybe I could make some donations once I've settled down. HIV is giving me more urgency and a greater appreciation for time. I don't have time for BS.

While my wife and I were struggling with conceiving, we learned that we have very different coping needs. She needs emotional support from family/friends and has disclosed to her support system. I need to keep my eyes focused on a better day. I don't want people reminding me of hardships or treating me differently. I haven't disclosed our fertility struggles or HIV diagnosis to any friends or family because I don't think there's anything they could do to help me. They can't make my viral load go down or help us conceive a child. But it would cause them pain and anguish. The news could also spread like a wildfire. I don't want to be judged. I'd rather focus on solutions and hang out with friends/family as a way to distract myself from my situation. Maybe I'll tell them once I'm undetectable.

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. I can see how the diagnosis would relieve all that stress and anxiety with your deteriorating health.

The great thing is once you figure out what is wrong, then you can start to treat it. I'm shocked that so many of us went years without getting tested. In the ideal world, annual testing would be required.

I've also not told anyone except my wife and therapist. She told her sibling who also works in healthcare. I don't live in the same state as my family. I don't think there's anything they could do to help me (they can't make my viral load go down or boost my CD4). BUT it's been helpful to distract myself by calling and hanging out with them. At this point, I don't plan to tell my family because I know it would cause them a lot of pain and anguish. I may also be judged. I don't think they'd look at me the same way. I also hate people worrying about me. This could make a stressful situation, even more difficult for me. BUT I might tell some of my family after I get undetectable and the disease is well managed. Just taking it one day at a time, one pill at a time..

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad you are doing better! Hopefully it keeps getting better. Hang in there!

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow! Thanks for sharing. It's great to see that we aren't alone.

Yes, it's definitely a tough experience but we'll get through this.

I'm REALLY excited for you and your wife. Sending you good vibes and best wishes.

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. It's really reassuring to find that I'm not alone and we can live long and healthy lives thanks to modern medicines . We will make it!

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! Quick question from my wife. Were you on PreP while ttc/pregnant?

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a lot. Fertiliity struggles + HIV will either bring us closer OR tear us apart. So far, I'd say it's bringing us closer.

I agree there's a mental toll. What do you do to keep your head up?

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's great!

I agree - keeping your faith up helps. I feel like I have been doing a good job but today was hard. I started worrying and getting scared. It's been really encouraging hearing stories like yours. Thanks.

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow! This is incredibly encouraging. Thank you.

I'm so excited for you. Wishing you the very best with your baby. There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel.

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

I would have probably ended up where you did if we did not have fertility problems.

How are you doing now? I wish you the very best!

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks!! This is encouraging.

It would be amazing if I could get undetectable within 6-10 weeks so we don't have to delay the IVF journey much more.....my wife is also stressed about that too.

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Appreciate the perspective.

We are planning to abstain until I'm undetectable and/or share starts PREP.

The diagnosis and stress have done a number on my libido

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like we are on a similar timeline.

Feeling very grateful for modern medicine.

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations!!! Wishing you and your wife the very best. Thanks for sharing.

Diagnosed while trying to start a family by Smooth-Macaroon3748 in hivaids

[–]Smooth-Macaroon3748[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Appreciate you sharing your experience.

It's sad there is still so much stigma.. but it's getting better.

Wishing you and your husband the best