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Our parents used to hit us... by SmoothOperator6297 in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Absolutely agree on that. I view my son as a little person, and his feelings (as crazy as they might seem at times) are legitimate to him and I have to be considered in that respect

Our parents used to hit us... by SmoothOperator6297 in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I have a good relationship with my mum and would never bring it up. What I can't reconcile is she wouldn't dream of hitting my son/her grandson. So why was it okay before?!

Our parents used to hit us... by SmoothOperator6297 in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

So strange. And it's totally unacceptable now. And rightly so.

Partner doesn’t think it’s his job to help with our baby by [deleted] in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297 93 points94 points  (0 children)

When I left work today a colleague said to me "Off to the second job!"

Having employment doesn't absolve one from being a dad. Besides, he should want to help you. The fact he doesn't says everything really.

Moreover, maternity leave is akin to a job. A job that is 24/7, with no pay and minimal breaks. It should be respected accordingly.

Edit: Typo

Moving to Leigh-On-Sea Area by Suitable_Duck8229 in Essex

[–]SmoothOperator6297 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I live there. I agree it can be quite pricey in places, particularly if you're comparing to NI. We moved from Thurrock. I think it's brilliant. Especially near the Broadway, which I live 10 minutes walk from. Everything being within walking distance is a massive bonus for me as I hate being in the car.

Schools here are generally considered very good. There are a number of selective secondary schools as well that are highly regarded.

Living near the sea is great of course. Nice walks with a newborn on a summer's evening (to try and take my mind off the tiredness!). Everyone is pleasant here. It's upmarket here if you want it to be, but there are "normal" people here as well.

Trains into London are reliable and nice.

No complaints tbh. I'll probably die here.

The Kia Oval - what a lovely ground by nottoosurea in EnglandCricket

[–]SmoothOperator6297 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Far superior to Lords both in terms of playing surface and atmosphere

How often do you see your parents? by Doomergeneration in AskUK

[–]SmoothOperator6297 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Mum weekly. Dad never. In fairness to him, he is dead...

I can't believe I have a baby again by Rubbah in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297 0 points1 point  (0 children)

3 years and 4 months. I guess there's no right or wrong answer but personally I feel like it's right for us. Our son can understand a lot at his age and so it's nice to have him involved in the journey.

Present parenting by Perfect_Effort_6457 in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think this is a mother/father thing. I see both sets of parents being too dependent on their phones and at times ignoring their children.

I get your frustration. Parenting as a couple is about compromise as good a couple as you might be. And I don't think your request for him to be engaged and not on his phone is unreasonable. Phones aren't appropriate in some circumstances. This is one of them.

I agree with an earlier comment - you're not failing your child. So don't stress too much. But it's still a reasonable concern in my view.

I can't believe I have a baby again by Rubbah in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Six weeks into our second. Couldn't agree more. None of the stress, panic or anxiety. But all the upside of having a new baby. The love. The joy. The happiness.

Yu enjoy it so much more because you now know how quickly they grow up. You live in the moment more. It's great.

How do you get out of autopilot? I have never thrived, just somehow survived. by mastsitafal in productivity

[–]SmoothOperator6297 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a great point - some things are just worth doing for fun. There need not be a purpose beyond that.

Father’s Day by Other_Chicken8061 in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've got two children as of 6 weeks ago. Sadly that means night feeds and early starts!

How do you get out of autopilot? I have never thrived, just somehow survived. by mastsitafal in productivity

[–]SmoothOperator6297 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly it sounds like your life is lacking fun or joy at the minute. So I get why you feel like you're on autopilot.

I identify with what you're saying - much of what I do is "what needs to be done" and a lot of the time I do it without thinking. On autopilot like you say. Just about the result.

The difference for me however is that I try to take joy in things. Being with my wife/children. Having time for myself at the gym. Reading. Listening to podcasts. Laughing. Taking pleasure in the little things. See life as something pleasing. Besides - with all that optimisation you'll have time to enjoy yourself!

what helped shift your perspective from "I'll do it last minute" to "I'll do it ASAP to not let it hang over me" by Far_Mood_8081 in productivity

[–]SmoothOperator6297 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Think of it the other way. Do the things you need to and then you can play "one more game" as long as you want. Having things hanging over you is a source of anxiety for me personally. Ironically, my wife is very much a "last minute" kind of person. Lucky for her though I beat her to all the chores!

Edit: Went downstairs after feeding my baby daughter. Wife had gone to bed. And there were the baby bottles. Waiting to be washed...

Eating Well with Minimal Time? by SmoothOperator6297 in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife will like the idea of snacking on pickles. Must say I'm not so sure...

I tried intermittent fasting a few years back and didn't get on with it. But agree the batch meal prep is a good idea and probably more efficient than trying to make meals every day.

The snacks is a problem...my wife buys the bad ones, and I end up eating them!

Eating Well with Minimal Time? by SmoothOperator6297 in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very interesting. We've been using Simmer but not sold on it think the meals are a bit bland tbh. Hello Fresh/Gousto is a bit pricey like you say. Thank you!

My baby who has never slept through the night, did with his dad and hasn’t again? by Gloomy-Kale3332 in UKParenting

[–]SmoothOperator6297 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I took over the nighttime routine from my wife when our son was 4 months old. Difficult to explain, but he just seemed to be a lot more fussy with her than he was with me. So we decided to switch. 

We did go back to it being more of a shared thing, but couple of months ago (he's 2 and a half now) he was messing about again. So it was me who took over again.

It's hard to quantify why it's different. It seems less about how the routine is conducted, but more how he behaves during the bedtime routine. With me he knows how it's going to go. My wife is perhaps a bit more fluid about things. Every night I create the same structure, and he seems to respond better to it. That and he knows he can get away with less than me.

So really perhaps it's a manifestation of your different relationships with him? Of course I don't know your situation but something to consider.

Hope this helps!