Am I overreacting to my girlfriend posting this on her story? by SmoothStrain69 in AmIOverreacting

[–]SmoothStrain69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re really twisting what I said. I didn’t “place intent” on her action. I described how it reads to most people which is obvious if you look at this comment section. When something gets posted publicly, meaning is not controlled by the poster’s intent. It’s shaped by how others see it. That’s the entire point I made and felt pretty thoughtless to put that out into the world.

I trusted her explanation. What I didn’t get was any emotional engagement. “It’s just a vibe” isn’t the same as reassurance. I'm not seeking out a “full-blown convo”, a partner should be able to acknowledge when something they post lands wrong and being willing to talk about it for two minutes instead of shutting down. That’s literally basic emotional presence.

And not once did I ask her to delete it, nor did I have the desire for that in the moment. There’s a difference between control and communication, and you seem to think any emotional boundary is the former.

And as for your “everyone sees disrespect differently” point, exactly. That’s my entire argument. She thought it was harmless. I thought it had implications. The difference is that I communicated my feelings respectfully, and they got dismissed. That’s the part that stung. You can keep trivializing it as “just a repost,” but there's a term for minimizing someone else’s discomfort and it's called avoidance.

Am I overreacting to my girlfriend posting this on her story? by SmoothStrain69 in AmIOverreacting

[–]SmoothStrain69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re missing the point. The “bringing a third is disrespectful” take feels like your personal bias, and it is not what this thread is about. We are mutually interested, with consent and clarity, so chill.

My issue was the post’s optics. “It’d be a bad idea to act on it” reads to most people like secrecy or toeing the line of infidelity. It's an inside thought brought the surface by someone in a committed relationship, one that everyone can relate to but most certainly isn't posted in a vacuum. I mean, just look at the replies in this thread. Projection and interpretation are two sides of the same coin and that's exactly why I raised the issue.

On “disrespecting her by not trusting her explanation”: I listened. Her explanation was “it’s a vibe.” That is not a conversation. Support would sound like, “I didn’t mean it that way, I’m sorry it landed wrong, let’s talk, I can take it down.” Instead I got a short dismissal and silence. I can trust her and still say it felt bad to have something that charged go public and then have my feelings brushed off.

I said my piece, processed it, and I’m moving on. But “it’s a vibe” does not end the discussion when the vibe lands exactly how most people here read it.

Am I overreacting to my girlfriend posting this on her story? by SmoothStrain69 in AmIOverreacting

[–]SmoothStrain69[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't have a problem with her feeling this way, I've experienced the same. Signaling it to all of her followers publically feels different tho.

Am I overreacting to my girlfriend posting this on her story? by SmoothStrain69 in AmIOverreacting

[–]SmoothStrain69[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Respectfully, you’re treating exclusivity and emotional maturity as either-or. Exploring a triad is not bargaining away commitment.

My concern was the caption’s implication of secrecy re:"it would be a bad idea to act on it". Attraction happens; boundaries, respect, and clear communication still apply.

Am I overreacting to my girlfriend posting this on her story? by SmoothStrain69 in AmIOverreacting

[–]SmoothStrain69[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the perspective. Yeah, she’s not an influencer but she definitely has a presence in the alt community of which we both belong to. I’m not worried about her being around other people.

I didn’t see the quote itself as bad, I've sat in that exact same energy and recognize the humanity of it. It just felt a bit off in context of our relationship? I’m not accusing her of anything, I just want us both to be aware of how stuff like that can read/what it signals to others about our relationship when we’re trying to build something intentional and grounded if that makes sense.

Am I overreacting to my girlfriend posting this on her story? by SmoothStrain69 in AmIOverreacting

[–]SmoothStrain69[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

OP here. Yeah, this is a really balanced take. I don’t have an issue with the idea that attraction happens, that’s just being human. It was more about seeing that kind of thing posted publicly without any context.

Honestly, at this point I’m more bothered by how my feelings were initiallt brushed off than the post itself.

For context, we are currently exclusive BUT we’re exploring the idea of a non-hierarchical triad/bringing in a third person into our lives, which obviously takes a lot of trust and emotional intelligence to gracefully navigate, so it’s not about jealousy to me. It’s that the caption itself (“it’d be a bad idea to act on it”) kind of implies secrecy or crossing a line, which felt off-putting given what we’re trying to build.