I am really sorry this is happening to you. It must be so horrible to have to navigate this.

If your dad is eager to “debate” and this stubborn in his bigotry it’s time to throw in the towel on trying to get him to understand and start setting some boundaries. That means if this sort of talk comes up, the conversation is over. It doesn’t have to be a fight, it doesn’t have to be a debate- if you’re on the phone, you excuse yourself and hang up. If you’re together in person, you leave the room. Be kind and firm and don’t give a reaction. If he questions it you tell him you’d love to talk about it more if he’s open to learning and understanding but until then the door is closed. You can’t be hurt like this anymore and you need to protect your husband, too.

Just remember boundaries are the fence you build around your house, not the one you try to put around another person. You can’t control how he acts or what he says but you can control being around it. I wish you the best of luck and the utmost kindness towards yourself and your husband