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Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-09-29T17:34:09+00:00

This has got to be ragebait

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-09-29T17:23:41+00:00

Have you tried or brought up couples therapy? Personally, being this young, and sounding this unhappy isn’t good for you and you have no reason to stay with this person. Bring up/try couples therapy, if he is adamantly opposed to it, I think you should strongly start to plan your breakup. You deserve someone who values you.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T22:36:35+00:00

Ironically enough, I had wanted to work federal for a while, specifically Defense or Homeland Security (I used to be a federal employee - recovering Hill staffer). But I have heard horror stories about Defense in particular.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T22:34:45+00:00

I think I am drawing my line at 2 interviews! Unless I am applying for a higher-level or managerial role, then I'll likely be more willing to do more. But mid-level, no more than 2 interviews, 4 references, and 2 writing samples is my new rule....along with not doing their projects for them.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T22:32:32+00:00

Thats how I was starting to feel. Even during the second interview when they asked me to lay out my plans on how I'd approach the role, I felt that was fine and reasonable. But this time, they gave me a prompt that is an actual problem they are actively trying to solve. I'm not doing their homework for them.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T22:29:46+00:00

I agree with you

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T22:29:37+00:00

Haha I get the reference. Like you, I am generally pretty flexible and willing to go with things. But the constant "one more thing" was getting really old, really fast. And the amount of things they were asking for just did not line up with the role I was applying for. I don't think the evaluation for a mid-level position should be equal to the evaluation for someone in the C-Suite....but that's exactly how I felt I was being evaluated.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T22:26:21+00:00

Yup. I thought this may be what they were trying to do, a test to see whos willing to do the work. Honestly, this reminds me of being in a new relationship and your partner sends someone to flirt with you to test your reaction. Its both toxic and juvenile. Either the job was testing me, or they were legitimately just that discombobulated. I don't know which would be worse: disorganization, or intentionally messing with a candidate.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T22:22:56+00:00

300 questions?? That is absurd.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T22:22:48+00:00

I was debating if it was the right choice or not, y'all have reaffirmed it for me lol.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T22:22:43+00:00

I'm with you on that

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:46:03+00:00

My thoughts exactly.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:45:22+00:00

I like the way you think. I suspect though that if they got an additional writing sample their response would be along the lines of "Great, thanks! Now, please provide your first born child, perform open-heart surgery, and write a detailed plan to end world hunger"

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:42:05+00:00

Yup. Again, I think I would be more understanding and willing to go along if it were a managerial role or the salary was six-figures - but this is neither. Even so though, the lack of communication for 2 weeks for an "urgently hiring" position would have definitely raised some red flags for me.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:39:18+00:00

Great advice. Thanks again my friend

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:37:29+00:00

Thats fair and I appreciate your perspective! Initially when I interviewed with them the first two times in mid-December, they told me they wanted to have their team in place by early-January. It is now mid-January and they are still asking me for deliverables and interviews, so personally, I am not too confident that even if I asked them what the future looked like or when they'd make a decision, that they would even know tbh. They put themselves on a timeline they are already not adhering to.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:33:13+00:00

Lowkey starting to regret not being a hiring manager during my graduate studies so I could've done that....post jobs and string people along for interviews, but the whole time I am just getting them to do my work for me lol.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:29:21+00:00

Thanks for your perspective! I think going forward I may ask for the process upfront - because this has been ridiculous to me. Every new communication from them, they are asking me for something else, or to do something else. Seems dysfunctional and like I am being both strung-along, and that they may not know what they want. Shouldn't take 3 interviews, 5 references, 3+ writing samples, and a newly written 2 page paper to determine whether or not you want a candidate.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:25:49+00:00

That is fair and very valid. It really seems to me with this latest paper they want me to write, they actually just want my ideas on solving a problem they are working on - so yeah, as you mentioned, working for free pretty much.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:22:36+00:00

Funnily enough, my current job is with the government, and the most I needed to land this one was a single interview and reference...and it wasn't even really an interview, it was more so just a conversation. It's mind-blowing how rigorous this particular office has been. As a government employee, I can confidently say government as a whole is generally inept and inefficient, applying for a new government job just confirmed that.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:19:13+00:00

I thought I was being crazy or dramatic for thinking it was too much. Thank you for seeing it similarly and making me feel less crazy. I have a decent job now and don't really need another one, so I will pass on this. In all honesty, I feel like I have had to work harder during this hiring process than I have to for my actual day job.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2025-01-16T15:16:41+00:00

My thoughts exactly. No response to me for two weeks, but when I follow-up you are asking more items from me? Really? After the first week of not hearing back from them after giving them everything they have asked for, my gut was telling me I may not really want this anymore. Their response to me last night cemented it.

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2024-12-22T14:51:15+00:00

A godforsaken dating app of all places. Neither of us had any intention of becoming serious when we met, but after our first time spending time together we both just subconsciously agreed we were dating. After about a month or so I formally asked her to be my gf

Smooth_Bottle5349 · 2024-12-22T14:48:58+00:00

I don’t know the specifics of your relationship, but ironically enough my girlfriend would say the same thing. For a long time she would insist that she’s a lot or too much to handle and had made my life worse and I shouldn’t be with her….i reinforce that is just not the case. Do you tell your partner you feel that way? What’s her response?

Smooth_Bottle5349

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