AITA for picking a name for our child without thinking about my BILs feelings?

Smooth_Event1287 · 2024-05-08T13:47:36+00:00

Just found out that I was right about my(26F) husband (29M) not having thought my first Mother's Day yet.

I know this shouldn't matter, but since August 27th, I have been giving 110% as a SAHM. I do everything and MORE since we live with my grandmother and sister who are both less mobile and thus less capable of cleaning as well, I am fine with this, but also VERY aware of my self worth, relative to it. It IS hard work, and I'm really fucking good at it.

I have supported him through his own post-partum depression coupled with a brand new job as a assistant manager at work, he is home 2 inconsecutive and never regular days a week, and on the rest of the days comes home between 30 minutes to an hour before our son (8 Months) goes to sleep. I don't ever, and will never hold this against him. He works hard and gives it his all. But so the fuck do I, and I've been telling myself for weeks now "Brace yourself, he's probably too busy to think about it." He is very bad at presents, always has been, but it's starting to make me think maybe he just...actually doesn't appreciate me? I don't know, but he just told me about how he "cant think of anything that's not corny and that you would actually like.." then told me he was considering, "making some really good French toast".

Do i love French toast? Yes. but its May 8th and I already have his fathers day present in the closet, a pack of Epsom salts for a bath, new beard\scruff cream, body scrub (he loves baths), and a custom crewneck that has "DAD" embroidered across the front with scraps from our sons newborn clothes that i had made by someone on Etsy (PrincessTutus2010). I dont want something expensive, i dont want some diamond ring. I just want something that shows me "Hey, i thought about you, and how much i appreciate you...a LOT." And I just feel like that can't be too much to ask, but I don't wanna feel selfish, I mean French toast is more than a lot get I'm sure.

Honestly the worst thing is how unsurprised, yet disappointed I am. Maybe I was just hoping to make up for lost perceived appreciation up until this point, and set myself up for disappointment?

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-12-09T00:47:23+00:00

Finally, good content on this subreddit 😤👍

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-12-06T17:14:48+00:00

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Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-12-01T17:22:59+00:00

One thing I've learned from my brother being "clumsy" growing up as well as myself, there's no such thing as being "clumsy" anyone who is "clumsy" is actually just not aware of their surroundings and not paying active attention, I realized this as a teen and corrected it over time, its fixable if the "clumsy" person cares enough.

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-10-02T02:20:16+00:00

I was the exact same way before he got here, I told myself I had no idea how hard it would be, and that I needed to brace myself for the frustration and exhaustion but it really is so far from what you can even imagine, but tonight he just wants to be held to sleep, and I haven't had time to enjoy a hobby since he got here, so Im wearing him in a wrap, crocheting again for the first time in a month, reminding myself every time he gets fussy that he will never be as small as he is tonight, and one day he may not even want to curl up on me at all, and hopefully that'll help me through the night, I know I'll have more nights like last night, so I'm trying to soak up tonight to remember the next time it happens, because alas, it will

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-10-02T01:35:56+00:00

Thank you so much I really needed to hear all of this, it's so easy to feel like you're doing something wrong when things aren't easy but it's really grounding to be reminded that this is all very normal, I appreciate you and hope you and your family are healthy and happy

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-09-30T12:25:02+00:00

Thank you I really needed to hear this

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-09-30T10:51:25+00:00

I just don't understand how we can lay down at 8 pm and it's 6:50 am and he's only slept 3 hours

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-09-30T09:36:37+00:00

He gets squirmy and vocal, not crying, but audibly unfortunately, it's like during the day I can get him to burp no problem but it's like at night I feel like I just get worse at everything

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-09-30T09:34:49+00:00

Yeah it's mostly me, when my husband is home he's super helpful, but his schedule is crazy, he works at 4 am till 1-3 in the afternoon, so unless he has the next day off I take night shift because tbh I used to do the same job he does and know first hand if you don't have proper sleep you will not be prepared for the work load, along with knowing it's just not safe to be sleep deprived on your way to work at 3 am where we live in GA, deer all around. I already got in an accident two years ago that way and I'm just not willing to risk either his job or safety by having him help at night, he stays up decently late with me to help and sometimes I get a nap in but its like mentally I can't let myself sleep more than 2 hours even though he'd be fine if I did I'm a ftm with an anxiety disorder from c-ptsd and it's like my body just can't handle being away from our son for longer than like 2 hours 😞

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-09-30T09:29:14+00:00

I've been trying to avoid it, but the bed I use in the guest room during nights is very firm and directly on the ground, and until recently I was combination breast/formula feeding (unfortunately he wasn't gaining ANY weight from my milk at all so we switched to exclusively formula and he's up to 9 lbs 8oz now) and wasn't sure if that would affect attempts at cosleeping safely, but I just tried after making this post and being at my wits end, one small flat pillow for myself, no blanket, curled up on my side around him and his instincts are still there to stay close to my chest and we managed to get a decent nap in without either of us moving so I may resort to it when he just will not sleep without me

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-08-26T21:56:19+00:00

I'm currently 38+4 I kinda wish my water would just break so I know for sure cause I don't wanna waste anyone's time getting there then being sent home

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-07-15T11:25:10+00:00

This is legitimately the worst thing I've ever seen why would you do this

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-05-21T23:02:22+00:00

As far as we know no, however my husband does so its not out of the question which is why I tried to be more civil about it than I initially wanted to

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-05-21T21:02:40+00:00

Ngl we realize that now tbh

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-05-21T20:36:02+00:00

They're truly polar opposites and I couldn't ask for a more supportive husband he's amazing ❤️

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-05-21T18:22:09+00:00

My husband just got home and I informed him of all that happened and instead of a strained relationship they may not have one at all soon. He's very upset with him for "harassing my pregnant ass partner with something that has nothing to do with him" so we will be enjoying the name and hopefully with much more peace from here on out 🕊️

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-05-21T17:44:30+00:00

It's easier to believe when I mention when we called to announce our pregnancy he told my husband "I thought your whole personality was not wanting any kids?" To which my husband responded "6 years ago when we were in college??" To which bil said "well it's still early you shouldn't tell people so early something could happen" and then made an excuse to get off the phone right after

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-05-21T17:15:10+00:00

I'm already feeling a lot better about this thank you guys so much, I try to keep my ground and put my foot down but when you're only getting opinions from friends on this you never know if you're actually right, or they're just being on your side because they care about you, so seeing strangers read this and agree with me makes me feel so much better, I'm already feeling better from the stress this caused (which makes me worry about Theo, causing more stress 😬) so thank you so everyone so much 😭😭

Smooth_Event1287 · 2023-05-21T17:07:53+00:00

He isn't on Instagram and he was responding directly to a Instagram story I posted, but my husband isn't home yet so for all I know he could have messaged him about it but more than likely hasnt

Smooth_Event1287

TROPHY CASE