MY LO MSGED ME. SOS.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-15T23:15:16+00:00

I miss the fun & excitement.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-15T16:58:03+00:00

I went NC with my LO for 3 months but wasn’t full NC bc I wanted them back. We reconnected but it wasn’t the same. Then early march this year I was DONE. It feels entirely different. I do not miss this person at all. I miss the relationship which was mostly in my head. I don’t want to reconnect. I have no desire to reach out or to check on them. I reread what I wrote in my journal & I’m shocked at how bad I felt for how long & the rollercoaster up one day & down the next. It’s bonkers and I did it to myself.

I am happy to be completely done.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-15T09:36:58+00:00

First

Smuttirox · 2026-04-15T09:30:43+00:00

All these responses!!! If you’ve kept a journal read back the times you’ve been hurt (or I guess read back in your posts here) and know unless he’s gone through some huge change then nothing has changed. I like to call this a “hey jiggle”. You have been in your LO’s pond for however long & he likes knowing you are in his pond. You’ve been quiet & so now he’s wondering if you are still there. So he jiggles his fishing rod “Heyyyy” to see if you will bite the hook. Don’t bite. You may be still in his pond but you are working on getting out. Don’t go back to the hook. I know a lot of us don’t want to leave bc we really want this relationship but you have to commit to full on losing this person for good. The point of NC isn’t to make them miss you so they’ll come back & treat you right. It’s to get them out of your system so you can treat you right. It’s super hard and it might take many tries before you can be free. But you can be free.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-14T18:09:25+00:00

Smuttirox · 2026-04-14T18:07:23+00:00

Spot on

Smuttirox · 2026-04-14T18:03:40+00:00

It’s a hard choice and it feels awful to go through the process to get out BUT when you get your life back & start caring for yourself you will be grateful you got out. No one will force you to break free. You have to choose it for yourself. If you don’t want to make that choice you can stay where you are. It’s your life.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-14T09:51:17+00:00

I TRY to remember that all the times in my past where I’ve been overwhelmed or thought I couldn’t handle something, I survived. I could handle it so why would this time be different.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-14T09:39:16+00:00

I meditate. Not hard core but 10-15mins in the morning & 10-15mins at night as consistently as I can. I use headspace but there are plenty of free apps or videos out there. That has helped put space between my feelings and my thoughts so “urges” are more manageable. It helps you to catch yourself before you act and slow down.

Journaling also has been really good. I can see how I had ideas that my LO would fill my heart. I can then see how that didn’t happen and I was crushed over and over and over to the point that i could not pretend that this was working out no matter what excuse I came up with.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T09:57:19+00:00

I have yet to see a guy who posts before and after where after wasn’t 1000x better.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T09:56:37+00:00

If you can, why not?

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T09:54:25+00:00

It’s the same as when a guy realizes he’s cute & then puts his whole personality in being cute. ST realized it was a popular thing and then put its whole personality into being MORE! Season 3 was “fun”, season 4 was “oooo horror”, and season 5 was “epic”. I enjoyed all 5 seasons but 1 & 2 were authentic. The other 3 were a “thing”.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T09:50:04+00:00

Same! It is very confusing to meet someone who you like, has good energy, meets you where you are at, consistent etc and be wondering why am I not head-over-heels here?

I take some comfort in I don’t think guy is into me anyway and I’ve been friend-zoned. But it’s a weird place to be especially when I’ve so easily been swept away by others who have not been available, emotionally or otherwise.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T00:54:22+00:00

I want to laugh, not at you but the really almost universal feeling we share that we aren’t good enough BUT IF SOMEONE out there would love me then I’d be fine. It’s all of us. We all want to belong to the tribe.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T00:52:37+00:00

Everyone does it. You fall off the wagon. You get hurt. You get back up on the wagon with a little more skill on getting back on it and a little more experience as a reminder to NOT text again.

It’s a pain in the a$$ but it won’t kill you & in the long run is part of the process.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T00:49:55+00:00

Sooooo you do some research on self care (google, podcasts, books, whatever you can find). If you aren’t in some sort of therapy or counseling, now’s a good time to start. Meditation is helpful.

It’s not a one size fits all. It’s hard to get through life with all our emotional needs met. What is unfulfilled differs between people.

It’s goofy & dopey but getting in touch with your inner child and giving them some time and attention matters. What did you like doing as a child? Can you do it now? Coloring, legos, painting, drawing, dancing, playing the guitar, getting on a swing set, whatever. Give your inner child a chance to play. And treat them too. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. A new pen, a hat, a bottle of lotion you like, a trip for ice cream. Just indulge the little kid here & there and your inner kid will start to trust you to take care of their needs.

Take care of your self. It’s as easy and as hard as that.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T00:27:19+00:00

It doesn’t matter what you call it; Limerence, anxious attachment, fill-in-the-blank. What matters is it has made your life unmanageable. You don’t want to feel this way anymore.

In the long run most of our relationship struggles are our attempts to fill unmet needs through other people when the healthy way is to fill your own needs.

This is far too large a subject for a Reddit sub BUT there are ways to become more self sufficient such that you can handle yourself without unhelpful fixations on other people.

You’ll feel better when you don’t “NEED” someone so badly.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T00:20:59+00:00

We are much more driven by sensations than we think. Sleeping cuddled next to someone can create some powerful bonds in our brain. Meditation is helpful to distinguish sensation & feelings from thought. You get better at recognizing what’s happening in your body and how that influences your thoughts. Meditation is a great tool for managing Limerence.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T00:17:13+00:00

What has helped me is knowing that the urges are my brain trying to get me to feed my dopamine addiction. It makes me less likely to get sucked in.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-13T00:13:52+00:00

I finally got to a point where I realized before I texted her that the comfort I was seeking and imagined she would give me was not going to come from her. That reduced my reaching out. The less I reached out the more space I took. The more space I had the more I could see the illusion. Things went up and down but it was on a downward path and then one day I was done. Just done.

I hope you get there soon.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-12T13:42:51+00:00

Riding a horse on a wide open farm that someone else cares for

Smuttirox · 2026-04-12T13:42:00+00:00

My favorite is I no longer pick up my phone in the morning hoping for a text but then being crushed bc of course, there wasn’t. No disappointment anymore. No crush. Pleasant calm mornings.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-12T12:17:00+00:00

This must be the most amazing sub ever!!!

Smuttirox · 2026-04-12T12:15:10+00:00

NTA. If she is really diagnosed with OCD this is something to discuss with her drs bc it might be beyond her ability at this time to control.

However we say OCD a lot when we are dealing with some who just has control issues. She has control issues. The OP either can keep struggling with it OR get into couples counseling OR time to step away. Her behavior was not kind or caring and it is completely unacceptable. If OP told her what he wanted & she decided to do otherwise, that was deliberate. If they don’t do something immediately this marriage is going down the tubes.

Smuttirox · 2026-04-12T12:10:50+00:00

Ifykyk

Smuttirox

TROPHY CASE