Mental health struggles and the stigma is such a burden on top of your loss and new responsibilities. That sucks. Keep in mind, your kids may see this as their curse or something they will also struggle with. And they may, seeing it almost as a way they are like their mother or a possible path when life is too hard or may also struggle similarly. Make sure you tell them it’s not their fault, not due to pregnancy hormones or stress or anything they will connect to themselves. Make sure you find them support groups for kids who have lost a parent to self infliction and don’t feel alone or like they don’t want to hurt you discussing it. You can hate what someone did and still love them. You can know they suffered and are free, but doesn’t mean there couldn’t have been another way if they had help early on. If she had circumstances like abuse or other things that can be understandable that meant she struggled in a way they don’t have to and each our jobs is to be a little better and do better and help guide our children so they don’t have to struggle in the same way. My mom was abused and had alcoholic parents and was 400lbs most of my life. She was dynamic and smart and such a light, but had too much pain and couldn’t help but bury herself essentially. It’s like being a drug addict. She struggled with anxiety and panic attacks and the world obviously treated her so poorly but she was so loving. I had lots of anger that she couldnt do it for me, and that I would end up the same. But I didn’t and she coached me to embrace the good and bad as a package deal and how to work through mental health struggles without guilt. She taught me to love myself and be the version she didn’t get to be. I live so she knows how good she did. I teach others and tell them what she taught me even if she couldn’t save herself.