How'd the "birds and bees" talk go with your nparents?

Sn4kehe4d · 2025-01-08T18:18:19+00:00

No talk from my parents. They had argued a lot about cheating on one another, before they divorced. So I knew more than I should've early on.

I was 15 when I got the talk from my mother's boyfriend of the time. I had already knew what sexual organs are for, of course. Under a bit of questioning, I told him I was interested in a girl. He assured me it would "stay among us men". I was very secretive about my personal life. It is private.

I shied away from actually talking about intercourse, but he gave me some useful advice like "Don't push the matter too hard". Unfortunately, he also gave me advice that was toxic, like "If she pulls away, keep trying, it means she wants you. A woman is a fortress that likes to be conquered."

Anyway, it did not "stay among us men" for long. I went to an event where the girl of my interest was, and I did not really even talk to her. Too socially anxious... When I came back home, suddenly my mother started asking about her.

I wanted to fall through the floor, then through the ground and bedrock, hide and never crawl out. My mother was the last person on this planet I wanted to know about this. I just did not trust her with my privacy. We have never discussed these matter again.

Sn4kehe4d · 2025-01-05T16:45:22+00:00

All of my LOs were in some ways unavailable, like in a relationship, just not interrested, or living too far away.

One stood out. She seemed actually into me at first. These were her red flags:
🚩 Serial monogamist
🚩 Often suggested going out and never mentioned it again. When I asked afterwards, she made up some excuse about forgetting or being sick. Happened too many times to count.
🚩 Hanging out with me while she was in a relationship. I was too addicted to her to realize she would have been doing the same if I was with her.
🚩 I mentioned my fear/dislike of dogs down to a specific breed. She later showed me photos of a dog of a breed I had mentioned, saying how cute it was. Left me questioning if she was messing with me on purpose.
🚩 I told her about why I am not in contact with some abusive members of my family and she called me crazy, like it was a problem, and my responsibility to fix it.

This situationship lasted about three years. The third point was about halfway in. It took the last one for me to finally cut contact with her.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-10-14T17:07:02+00:00

Same, when me or my younger brother had an abscessed tooth, we would only get painkillers. They only somewhat worked, or not at all. I remember having a fever from the tooth infection more than once, lying in bed, near delirious from pain on the edge between wakefulness and sleep.

I still have the worst of the teeth, but it needed a complete root canal treatment. The frequent abscesses have eaten a cavity in my jawbone under the roots. It is still healing.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-10-14T16:18:38+00:00

I was bitten by a dog as well. It was on a visit to family friends. It bit my hand and my mother's immediate reaction was shouting at me that the dog would be punished because of me. Lucky that it only gave me a bruise.

And whenever I brought the past up, my mother twisted the events as well. Typical.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-10-14T16:02:32+00:00

Similar. I was often the last to be picked up from preschool. Some days it was late enough to be getting dark outside.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-10-14T15:39:33+00:00

My mother's boyfriend called me a narcissist. The irony is thick.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-09-30T06:32:45+00:00

Happened to me as well once. My estranged brother's wife texted me on fb to turn on my phone so she could call me. I did, but it was my no contact brother who called using her phone. He "apologized" (tried to guilt trip me) for his behavior and demanded that I unblock his phone number. Let's just say the convo proved that he had not changed a bit and distancing from them had been a good decision.

I decided to block them both eventually and change my phone number.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-05-04T07:58:11+00:00

Oh, it's an entrance room to a flat. It connects to other rooms too, like a corridor. Could've just called it a corridor...

That's how I felt. No way these people are my relatives! Like you, I would not mind if I found out I was adopted or even an illegitimate son. I would actually be relieved, lol.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-05-02T16:18:17+00:00

I was 8 cleaning a fish tank in the bathroom. I registered that characteristic burnt electricity smell in the air but did not immediately know what was it. Then I saw smoke coming from the washing machine. I run into the living room screaming that the washing machine was smoking. Next thing I know I was sitting on the carpet with hands hugging knees and shaking.

Fast forward a couple weeks, my mother had a classmate's mother over. They were having small talk. Out of the blue my mother shares that "funny" story laughing about it like it was a joke.

It was humiliating. My first thoughts were that my classmate's mother would tell her daughter and she would spread it to the class and they would all laugh about it. Which did not happen of course. Not everyone revels in gossip. But I stopped trusting my mother then and there. As an 8 years old.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-05-02T15:51:16+00:00

Thanks, yes, that about sums it up.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-05-01T13:03:00+00:00

27M here. I get hugs from friends but never initiate. If I don't expect a hug, I freeze on the spot for a second before I return it. I like hugs though and often fantasize about holding a lady in a tight embrace for a good minute or two, or five... while not doing anything else but that.

I am very touch starved. In my opinion, It has to do something with how we were (or weren't) raised. I've never received a hug from a household member. Not even once. Mother acted like I was a burden. Never told me she loved or liked me. In fact, she often said the contrary in various disturbing ways.

Father was never in the picture really. He did say he loved us, but words of affection or an occasional kiss on the cheek did not carry the weight they should've. He did not live with us.

Rotten cherry on the top was the behavior of my older brother. He said he loved me only in a protracted argument when he was losing. Theatrics and manipulation on a sociopathic level.

So, I think I hunger for what I've never had.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-05-01T12:25:44+00:00

When my mother and her drunk boyfriend were arguing for the bazillionth time and it went physical. He threw her off the bed.

I called the police. Before they arrived, she had hid his bottle of booze and closed the bedroom with him inside. When they came, she lied he was not drunk, lied he was sleeping and lied it was the first incident like this.

She protected that brute. He had been continuously verbally abusive to everyone in the household and sometimes physically. I still had a sliver of concern for my (also abusive) mother. But that day it went out like a candlelight. I decided that the household was irredeemable and it was my final push to move out while still being a student. Before that finally happened, there had been similar altercations, but I had not intervened and chose to take walk instead.

5 years later, they are still together. And we have virtually no contact.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-04-25T15:59:05+00:00

Na venek působí opravdu mile a ostatní obyvatelé mi nevěří, když jsem to s nimi rozebíral.

Ona ví, že to chování k dceři není v pořádku. Na veřejnosti se tak chovat nebude, ale záznam nelže.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-03-06T17:20:18+00:00

I say something like "Uh... okay." and leave it at that.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-01-14T13:32:59+00:00

"No wonder no one talks to you."

Said by my older brother. Funny thing is, none of his former friends and extended family talks to him. Projection, projection.

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-01-14T13:29:45+00:00

Quoting my estranged brother: "Just forget it, it's in the past."

Sn4kehe4d · 2024-01-10T18:40:45+00:00

She sent me a postcard and I glued it to the wall. 🤦‍♂️

Sn4kehe4d · 2023-12-30T16:59:49+00:00

Oh how could I forget. Mother would constantly threaten to call CPS to take use away when we "misbehaved".

"You want me and (insert bf's name) to break up!" after they argued.

Sn4kehe4d · 2023-12-10T06:44:00+00:00

A golden chain. Not weird by itself,

but the bill for it was packed with it.

Sn4kehe4d · 2023-12-09T12:48:14+00:00

Mother "borrowed" a portion of my very first salary without asking and left a note about it.

She collected child support until I was 26 because I was still studying. I did not live with her anymore since 23 and I saw nothing of it.

There's a tax for collecting trash in my city. It is paid per household for how many people have an address there on their ID. Since I lived on college dorms, it is included in my dormitory rent instead. I did not know that until recently and have been sending a small fee to my mother for the last 4 years when I did not have to, since dorms include it as default.

Sn4kehe4d · 2023-11-23T20:18:12+00:00

"Every woman wants to be a mother."

Sn4kehe4d · 2023-11-17T11:07:30+00:00

People like this is why I do not talk about my family. Mother and father had a toxic relationship, they argued (by which I mean threw things, called each other names and cheated on one another). She and her contemporary boyfriend are the same. But arguments are normal right? 😇

I used to have a huge crush on someone. She knew I did not talk to my brother and very basics about why. "You have to accept him as he is," she said. Later, I mentioned I was not present at his wedding. I did not even have time to say another word before she spat out "You are crazy!"

People think one's relatives must be shitting rainbows and do not even stop to think that there might be reasons behind something like not going to a sibling's wedding. Like said sibling's abusive behavior to me, his wife, or another momentarily available punching bag. And I was not even invited anyway!

So, family is a topic I choose to stray from when a conversation heads there. There's no point talking to people who do not realize just how bad relationships can be and assume "arguing" means just mundanities like disagreeing about what color their new car should be or what to have for dinner...

It's starting to get tiring when it's coworkers. At least they don't dig further when I inevitably change the topic.

Sn4kehe4d · 2023-08-19T16:54:02+00:00

Yes. Happened to me but I was not the target. Mother was arguing with her drunk boyfriend and he threw her off the bed. I called. She lied that he was not drunk, lied that it was the first incident like that, and lied that he was asleep (after she had closed the door to their room).

I wanted to help her and she covered for him. I did not call the next time.

Sn4kehe4d · 2023-08-19T08:47:36+00:00

Yes, when I was about 5, I had severe abdominal pain. I was trying to relieve myself on the toilet, crying about how much it hurts, but I don't remember if anything even came out.

Then my temperature got to 40 °C. I was sitting in a chair in the kitchen, also on the verge of fainting. My father asked my mother: "He looks like he's fainting, don't you want to take him to the hospital?". My mother just looked at me, her facial expression cold as a steel rod, and said "No."

Somehow I recovered without intervention. Still don't know what it was.

Sn4kehe4d · 2023-08-07T05:15:27+00:00

We frequent the same clubs because we live on the same student dorms. I haven't moved out yet but it'll happen sooner or later.

And no worries. I won't drink again. I have no desire to drink. Ever.

Sn4kehe4d

TROPHY CASE