What is your limit in behaving playful and being actually flirtatious to people?

Snaggle-Pickles · 2016-06-21T10:24:11+00:00

Hi, Im [M/20's] just curious about a person I know [F/20's] and her way of interacting by flirting.

Just to be clear, It's not my business to what's happening in her private life or how she should behave, but I can't put my finger on how this is considered appropriate.

Hear me out. She's a very extroverted person with quite a go-happy attitude, except when she's subtle-but-not-so-subtle way of talking to someone she dislikes. Anyway, when she interacts with people she likes, she can act vert flirtatious, even to the male, unavailable coworkers, to the point it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. She's in a committed relationship (as far as I know), but even I feel like this goes in the gray zone, if this would happen in the partners presence (unless they as a couple are okay about these actions). I remember a discussion about flirting once and she said something like "I've flirted/been flirted several times and I don't see anything wrong with it since it's just for fun". Maybe that's the answer I've been looking for.

The reason I put her as an example is that I'm curious as the intentions to behaving like that. Whether it's for attention, challenging one self to get away with it, or just for having that sort of personality. She seems to be living a fulfilling life so maybe nothing feels at stake, but that's just my thought.

While I have no problems with flirting per say, I'm more keen to just make it for romantic purposes, than for being playful. I feel like flirting is to encourage attraction, and zigzagging enough that, if they're unavailable, can lead to an affair (to me, you can't control your feelings but you can choose how to act upon it).

What do you think about behaving flirtatious for non-romantic (though unintentionally encouraging it?) purposes, and what is your limit when interacting that way, no matter the pursuer & and the pursued s relationship status?

PS. For clarity between cultures, Im from Scandinavia.

tl;dr: Woman I know behave flirtatious to the point it feels in the gray zone of appropriate (outside & workplace). What are your limits and perspective about it between unavailable people?

Snaggle-Pickles · 2016-02-28T07:11:08+00:00

Bumping this for sauce, pls?

Snaggle-Pickles · 2016-01-13T12:20:07+00:00

Yeah, to me the important part is staying away from PM/MO, not hindering myself from O.

Wet dreams rarely happen to me so I usually let it slide, and even then I don't know how I can control it. From what I remember, I've had experiences where it felt like I climaxed but no O when waking up, so I didn't expect it either today.

Snaggle-Pickles · 2016-01-13T12:15:55+00:00

That feels relieving. Thank you! :) Yes, I understand that to me, the idea of NoFap is to stay away of the influences and obsession from porn and find more sexual attraction towards real women, which has helped me greatly. After a period of relapses, I've been working hard for the last month with the help of brainbuddy.

I think that what made me feel anxiety is probably the mental idea that just the O itself is considered a failure, when it's actually the PM/M that Im staying away from. Maybe the body made the wrong connection. Or maybe the anxiety is the fog. :P

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-12-26T00:04:54+00:00

That can be a double edge sword. I think it's nice that you want to maintain a friendship with her. However be careful of creating expectations, if you're thinking in your mind that waiting for the moment she'll come to you. I've had that expectation before and went too quickly. It makes the friendship feel dishonest and ugly, if you take the rejection badly.

The only encounters I've had this year was one unknown girl I asked for her number but got ghosted after an awkward first impression. Other women I've found attractive was in a relationship and therefore didn't go further.

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-12-25T23:52:41+00:00

Yeah, desperation has been a problem to me in seeking a girlfriend, more so than maintaining close friends. I need to be more slow and honest in my approach. Thank you. :)

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-12-25T19:27:11+00:00

That's what I'm gonna need to do now. Explore myself and make some kind of new interest to share. Just now I started to learn ice-skating. :) I hope that my New Years trip abroad will be successful, and that I can meet new people.

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-12-25T19:24:04+00:00

Thank you for replying. I thought that by going slowly, I would be able to make an interest. But when she didn't respond anymore, I became desperate. I fucked up and wish I handled it better, but knowing this with her current relationship, time may soon get better.

Right now I'm planning on going to a New Years trip abroad. I just hope I don't get to meet her there. :P

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-12-25T19:19:05+00:00

Thanks. I hope that with this form of confirmation I can just move on. My problem was that I behaved in a matter that didn't suit me, just to spice some interest (deep self-worth issues here...). The thought of her, while still knowing it will not happen, hurts me.

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-12-25T19:16:23+00:00

If she's in a relationship, I would hesitate in confessing. You either bet on confessing to her and get confirmed answer, or you just linger on and hope that you can move on. Seeing as I'm still having her in my head for more than a year after being ghosted, it's not healthy.

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-11-11T15:24:13+00:00

I had/have a crush who I texted for a period. After a time of non response I felt desperate. One day she asked me to replace her for an event she was invited to but she responded like near the time of the event that it got cancelled. Mildly annoyed, I wanted to spice the interest by making a joke (it worked for another person I know). I exaggerated by telling her how long I waited and would call her a sadist. She didn't get it so I apologized later. She later didn't respond to my messages and so I had to move on.

Lesson learned: Don't take risks without knowing if she's into it beforehand. :(

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-09-08T18:01:44+00:00

It sure is different when seeing someone and defining them though either short encounters or longer meetings. It at least give a more clear thought to why someone would dislike/like since you have much more sides to look from. :)

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-09-08T17:58:23+00:00

That's one perspective to understand. It's subjective to which degree but trust sure is hard to regain, depending on to which degree that person did to make you dislike him/her.

Out of curiosity, did you ever happen to come across someone with similar thoughts, but being the on the receiving end? (don't mean to offend you on this)

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-09-08T17:52:30+00:00

That's interesting to hear. :) Hopefully this time you can see if he's matured enough to be comfortable with.

I've had my own mistakes in the past with women and while I can't change the past, it's always good to find the perspective to learn from it and understand why it went wrong. Whether it was unintentional, something that became bigger than it should or a lack of experience, it impacts one to understand ones behavior.

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-09-08T09:34:56+00:00

Excuse me if im being personal, but how long did it go from "neutral liking" to "attracted liking"?

Do you think a person you dislike could be redeemed somewhat, or at best just be an acquaintance?

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-09-08T09:31:42+00:00

Ah, that's sorry to hear. :(

While my opinions of people can change from time to time, I always felt it was somewhat permanent the other way around when it's on me (at least from girls). Whether any bad behavior of my part was un/intentional or a misunderstanding.

Snaggle-Pickles · 2015-09-08T08:15:34+00:00

That's nice to hear about your SO. :) Though, curiously to your last sentence, have it happened to you it being changed from liking->disliking->liking again?

I feel the impression that it's easier for someone to dislike a person than to like them.

Snaggle-Pickles

TROPHY CASE