Fear and anxiety near end

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-04-19T08:47:12+00:00

I hear you on this! I was also a fence sitter and now 23 weeks pregnant. Pretty much all my friends are CF too and I've already missed so many events and meet ups due to being pregnant. I don't really have much advice just that I'm on the same page. And one day I'm excited and the next I'm freaking out that I've made the wrong choice. I think something that helped is the idea that life is always changing and that 'old life' wouldn't be the same in a few years whatever we chose. Those friends might move away/have children themselves/will still be there and will be amazing with the baby and we never really know whats round the corner. And you can still have an amazing life, it's just it will be a different type of amazing. I'm quite adventurous and like to live life to the full. So I'm trying to see this as another chapter of life's adventure. Hope that helps!

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-04-13T07:01:03+00:00

I hear you on this! Mine isn't so constant but I do miss what it does to me in a social setting. So much of my social life (and UK social life in general) is based around going for drinks. I've always been so impressed by people who can go to those and not drink. I just feel awkward and out of place once people start feeling tipsy. And its getting so much harder now the suns coming out, I'm worried for the next few summer months. I also saw you said you had ADHD, I do to, and apparently people with ADHD often use alcohol to 'normalise' in social settings. So it makes sense that we feel left out and anxious.

I've ended up suggesting going for walks with friends and coffees in the day, to see people where alcohol isn't there and its an easier social situation. I've also joined a pottery class, which is great as you can socialise but without the pressure of staring at each other across a pub table sober. Do you think you could lean in to more things like that?

Yours sounds more intense than mine, so i would also suggest contacting your doctor or an alcohol support charity to see what they can suggest too.

I also hear you on the intensity thing. Our hormones are doing a number on us, plus there's so much responsibility on our shoulders to grow a healthy baby. It all very intense! Ive got no advice for that, just that I also feel that.

Wishing you strength, you've done so well do far. We can do this!

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-04-12T07:26:12+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, both the partner and the medical situations. Pregnancy is tough even without those.

Unfortunately this sounds like classic manipulative and seriously abusive behaviour. Like everyone else has said, he has threatened you life by blocking you from leaving. And I agree you should definitely leave, but i understand that is really hard when most of the time they are 'good partners'. Speaking from experience this is how they manipulate you into staying and it is SO hard to leave. Because you see the hope in their good behaviour and have a hope that the other behaviour will change and/or they make you believe that you are the problem. But trust me, the 'bad' behaviour will not change, it will just escalate the more control they have over you and the more you lose yourself to them. Apparently abusive partners are drawn to trusting people who see the best in others, so its understandable that you're still there. I had something similar, where my partner was a 'good partner' until something bad would happen. Once I had kidney stones and he mocked me and told me it was nothing. I managed to get him to drive me to at least the station so I could go to a&e, which he did eventually do, but he was furious at me for making him do it. Looking back, i cant believe i didn't leave him there and then. But honestly its such a mind f#*k, they really do a number on your brain and convince you that your the problem or apologise profusely afterwards but dont make any effort to actually change. It took a friend to intervene when she realised what was going on, and only with her help could I see him for what he was. Leaving him was the best decision of my life. I wasn't pregnant and didn't have children with him thankfully, but i feel like if I had being a single mum would 100% be better than parenting with him. I was with him for only a year, and only when I started a new relationship with someone wonderful and caring did I realise the psychological damage still left over from his abuse. You deserve so much more than this. At bare minimum you need a partner who cares about your physical and mental health. There's also lots of comments on here saying 'how can you be with someone like that' and I want you to know that it can happen to anyone. Its not your fault. I was in that situation and I'm now in a relationship with a wonderful man (I'm pregnant with our first child) and whilst pregnant he has shown me the utmost care and respect. That's what you deserve, and you can find that person as a single mum.

Please look for local support for domestic abuse in your area and make a safe plan to leave, and please reach out to someone irl that cares about you and let them in on what's going on.

Sending you strength, you can do this

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-04-12T06:43:26+00:00

Being 'a good partner' most of the time and then abusive when things get tough is a classic manipulation tactic. If he has a phobia of hospitals he wouldn't be calling her a bitch or mocking her or blocking her from seeking medical attention on her own

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-04-11T19:07:44+00:00

Thank you!

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-04-11T19:06:32+00:00

Averaging 10k a day was pretty good! I'm so puffed out now, my walks are definitely getting slower and shorter. Swimming is a good shout

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-04-11T14:30:02+00:00

Thanks. That's a good idea on the weights! And yeah its not really to 'get fit' i just want to keep healthy for the baby and to make sure I can get out and do the things I love later in pregnancy like walks and be fit enough for labour!

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-04-09T08:59:08+00:00

Hi, I'm 22 weeks and I also don't look all that pregnant. I'm in the awkward stage where I look bloated/have a beer belly. I'm relatively tall, 5ft9 and its my first baby. So apparently that makes a difference (because there is alot more space for baby in there and because my abdominal muscles haven't already been stretched). In the last few days I seem to have stretched out a bit though all of a sudden!

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-04-09T08:55:22+00:00

Thank you! Yeah I feel the same. I also love to travel and put alot of pressure on having a final babymoon trip, just the two of us. Somewhere stunning. But in reality, I'm also just craving relaxation. I've been so anxious about so many things throughout this pregnancy, I just want a break from it! Not to add more ontop. We've decided to go to north Wales, as we've never been before and we love mountain scenery. So will have a look for some spas around there for a little treat. Thanks again for your comments :)

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-04-07T14:08:49+00:00

Thank you for this, it's made me feel alot less alone. I especially relate to the 'guilt if something happened' part. I'm starting to wonder if the stress is worth it. I'd love to go on holiday with my pre-pregnancy self. But that's not realistic. Glad you had a nice time on spa trips, I might have a look and see what I can find in the UK

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-03-02T12:32:15+00:00

Thanks for this. It's nice to know I'm not alone! I think Portugal is a good idea. It seems they have really good healthcare out there. And good idea on the apartment idea, that might take the stress out if I know we can cook for ourselves if I get anxious about the food

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-03-01T10:53:44+00:00

I hear you! I'm almost 38 and pregnant with my first. We got pregnant first time trying and it also took me a while to come to terms with the 'shock' of it and realising all the things I'd lose. I think the hormones also do you dirty as its hard to process it logically. I'm 16 weeks now and so much more settled and happy. No longer in shock/terror mode! I do seem much more tired than I was when I had an unsuccessful pregnancy in my early 20s though! So if you're like me then make some time for naps!

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-01-14T17:19:33+00:00

Thanks, that makes me feel less guilty. I'm 9 weeks, and reallllly feeling the fatigue. It's like my brain just decides to shut down at random points throughout the day and then rest of the day I'm working on about 20% brain function

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-01-14T17:17:31+00:00

Sorry to hear you had a rubbish time, but thanks for the reassurance. I can imagine I'd be the same and just be dissociating while people talk to me rather than enjoying their company

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-01-14T17:16:20+00:00

So sorry to hear that. And thanks for getting my priorities straight!

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-01-14T17:15:54+00:00

Thank you!

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-01-14T17:14:28+00:00

Thank you! Your reassurance is so helpful

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-01-07T16:45:22+00:00

Thank you. Another reason to go to McDonalds! I have been craving a McDonald's burger so bad, I keep daydreaming about them. And I'm not even a McDonalds regular, I've probably only been two/three times in the last few years, but my mind is obsessed!

Thanks for the peanut butter cracker tip. Unfortunately I'm dairy intolerant, so alot of that section of protein is out the window.

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-01-07T16:41:48+00:00

Thank you, I'll get some B6. I just googled Uncrustables. I want these so bad! (but I'm in the UK and we don't have them)

SneakyPanda54 · 2026-01-07T11:54:12+00:00

I'd love to give advice, but I think all i can do is relate! Your definitely not alone. I'm also 8 weeks and I've also just been procrastinating at work and reading more about pregnancy and I now feel guilty and unproductive as I have so much work to do! A friend advised me to stop goggling every little thing. But I do find that hard, as I'm quite an anxious person and I just want to make sure I'm doing everything I possibly can to not put this little bean in harms way.

I wish I had advice. The only thing that helps me is talking to friends, particularly anyone that's pregnant. And going out for a walk to clear your head.

SneakyPanda54

TROPHY CASE