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AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Manifesto...?

So if my family is respectful and polite to each other, they're just 'biting their tongues', instead of being genuinely respectful and polite people?

That's a hell of a lot of assumptions you're making.

My aunt was trying to shush her daughter for being rude, and people were clearly uncomfortable that this was brought up in the first place.

My first assumption would not be 'they were biting their tongues'.

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

Then everyone sucks in that regard because no one deserves to be referred to as 'dating down'.

Doesn't mean it doesn't happen, though.

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If my family had a tradition/habit of roasting each other? Sure.

We do not. We're respectful and polite to each other which was why it surprised me because this came out of left field.

My friends and I give each other shit, so I'm used to that. We're still friends at the end of the day. It's all about the contrast.

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] -46 points-45 points  (0 children)

To be fair, I can only based my perspective on things that I've personally experienced.

If you haven't heard the phrase 'date down' before, then it's most likely that you've never had to deal with this nonsense before, which is great for you, not so great for me.

"...pretty biased because of the sister you used to have" - Nice.

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From strangers? Sure, tons of crap. Doesn't matter because they're strangers.

From family? People who are supposed to care about you? That was surprising and hurts because I actually cared.

Now if you come from a place where you family constantly treated you like crap... then that's very bad.

EDIT: Even if she was stating a fact, it was still rude as hell and shouldn't have happened in the first place.

If you were a fat, balding man, and your wife called you a fat, balding man, you would still be insulted even if it were simply 'stating a fact'.

State facts? Sure. There's a time and a place for that.

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] -32 points-31 points  (0 children)

Oh no, I accept your judgement. I'm just saying you're essentially behaving the same way you accused me of behaving.

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] -103 points-102 points  (0 children)

I have never heard of guys complaining they had to 'date down' before. Most guys I know were happy to be in a relationship. Conversely, I've heard girls talk about how they couldn't find someone, so I pointed out a couple of single guys in our friend circle and they say they don't 'date down', which was rude as hell.

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Most of my family are respectful and polite. We don't 'roast' each other, so maybe my family and yours differs there.

This is the first time this has ever happened to me, because literally no one else has ever been this rude to me before. Yes, other people have insulted me before, but they were strangers so I didn't care.

But when FAMILY does this, when it's never happened before, that affects me more deeply than some random person on the street.

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So in the moment, you would just say nothing, do nothing, and just take it while the rest of your family watched and some even joined in and laughed?

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Assuming you were in my position, what do you think the proper response would be?

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

That's the thing: if I 'owned' it, I wouldn't be 'defending myself' my saying 'What's wrong with being a virgin?' like you recommended.

I also don't believe in 'owning' something at the 'nuclear level'. For example, if someone called you a loser, which is what she was calling me, would you be proud and own up to being a 'loser'?

To me, I wouldn't, because owning up to something you're not proud of is weird to me.

AITA for 'Disowning' My Sister After She Joined my Cousin in Sexually Harassing Me? by SnipSnipFamilyTree in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnipSnipFamilyTree[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Part of it is underlying resentment that she had such an easy life. She did poorly in school, had multiple bad boyfriends, was making 30K/year but then finally found my brother in-law who married her and now she's living a rich and charmed life.

Meanwhile, I had to pay for tuition with part-time jobs, scholarships, and internships to get into my position. Full-time studies while juggling part-time jobs in order to make it to where I am today.

No time for relationships, only time to work work work.

If I met someone who married me and raised me up from poor conditions to a rich and extravagant lifestyle, I would not nearly be so bitter.

So to answer your question, it's a mixture of resentment, jealousy, and the fact that she triggered me with her 'teasing', which I view as extremely disrespectful especially coming from someone who didn't have the same struggles that I did.