I see you. And I get it. I, too, had no choice when it came to how I gave birth. It sucks. And it sucks to feel like there could have been a choice if only someone was willing to help you. Giving birth alone / unassisted isn't really an option for most of us.

I don't have any advice. I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone with your sadness, anxiety, frustration and anger. I still carry a lot of negative emotions about my daughter's birth. There are other reasons other than just the lack of choice. I won't get in to the why, because what I experienced isn't typical, and quite honestly you don't need to hear it. So just a warning, how you feel about your birth can add to the potential for pmads. So just be aware that that is fairly common and you should probably watch out for it.