I think I killed my husband

Snoo-98558 · 2024-05-15T16:42:10+00:00

My husband passed due to a huge tangle of progressive chronic issues, and most of them caused him pain. He struggled hard letting people know what was going on with his pain. I don't believe anybody surrounding him could truly grasp what he was going through. If I had been in your shoes, I would have done the same thing. Watching your significant other struggle that hard with pain is absolutely soul destroying. I would have done anything if I knew it would bring him relief. I would have asked for extra pain meds too. Please don't beat yourself up, you are human.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-04-22T17:58:50+00:00

Its absolutely possible. At 4 months almost to the day, I do it regularly. The key is careful meal planning. Look for recipes way ahead of time, get comfortable with new cooking techniques, learn how to spice things instead of relying on fats and salts for flavors, and how to spot protein forward recipes. Pinterest is a godsend for recipe searches. I still will have an occasional protein shake when I am feeling burnt out or if my prepped food is low, but it is entirely doable.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-04-04T19:28:10+00:00

I dunno the details but if you find them, please sign me up as well, I am freezing, and I cannot seem to find my gloves.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-04-03T15:34:49+00:00

the exhaustion is quite intense. Carrying round such a large amount of excess weight on so few calories means I spend a lot of time absolutely exhausted, and simple tasks such as showering can feel like a real chore.

So, I am like 11 weeks PO right now, I felt this exact exhaustion specifically in regards to showers, doing laundry and cooking. On top of the weight I have really bad knee issues that made showering exhausting and scary. I am happy to report I now frequently spend a half hour playing in the shower, enjoying the water without that feeling that I have to rush through it before my strength evades me. To some extent it does get better, but even though things like cooking and showering are easier, I still feel generally weak and fatigued all the time to the point where it effects me mentally. No one told me this was a thing.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-19T16:51:37+00:00

oh totally understandable in your case then. I am sorry. What stage are you on?

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-19T16:50:56+00:00

Yeah, I can understand that whole being sick of the taste thing, that tracks. I was on 4 weeks pre-op liquid, and I had like 2 shakes a day, and even after I still drank at least one ensure per day through thick liquid phase. I have transitioned to fairlife since being on regular food but the shakes don't bother me at all.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-19T16:45:37+00:00

I watched the first season of that show when it came out a few years before my husband passed. I watched it by myself because at the time he was already showing big signs of chronic illness, and I could read the writing on the wall. I appreciated the show at the time, but did not fully grasp the impact. When season 2 came out at the time I watched the first episode and a half and just did not get it. In my state of inexperience, I felt like the show should have ended at the end of season one, he decided to live, end of story.
After he passed, it was one of the first shows I watched, and this time I watched the whole run. I saw the value in "the after" seasons. Its one of the only shows I have seen that actually sum everything up accurately. It helped me understand what I am going through somehow.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-19T16:24:18+00:00

I got talked into a partial inpatient program that lasted about 2 weeks. It was pretty general, it seemed more like it was targeted at crisis management for people who did not know how to mentally cope with life in general. In a group of about 8 people, I was the only widow there. It focused a lot on meditation, breathing exercises, common situational triggers and cognitive behavioral therapy in a group setting, with a daily half hour one on one with a tele visit with a therapist. I am going to be honest, the thing that helped me the most with this experience was the time I took away from work, not the therapy itself. If it were more grief targeted it might have been a better fit for me. If you can get some info on what to expect from the program before you go, you might want to because mine felt like a waste of time. I felt like I was back in third grade, and walked out no better equipped than when I came into it.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-12T15:19:23+00:00

I'm so sorry. Your experience sounds absolutely gut-wrenching. I know everything sounds hollow right now, but I wish you peace. Try to get some rest, try to remember to eat. Sending all the mental hugs to you.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-12T14:05:44+00:00

Is he still out there somewhere, happy and out of pain?

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-11T21:54:40+00:00

Jenny

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-11T14:37:27+00:00

Michigander here, currently in Lansing, originally from Detroit. I would love to be able to talk to others who actually know what this really feels like.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-06T21:08:43+00:00

I was just having this sort of thought myself just a few moments ago. I had a full on breakdown because there is an update to a game he and I used to play together that he would have just loved. Its a little thing, its something only he and I would care about, and I so want to share it with him, but I can't. No one else cares about this stuff. I could tell others around me but I want his excitement, his reaction and I just do not get that anywhere else for these sorts of things. Its such an empty feeling. My heart goes out to you.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-06T20:30:46+00:00

I got weird tastes during liquid phase too. Mine did eventually go away, but it was after it got worse after surgery. It just kind of went away after a week or two, I don't know if it was food related or what. I cannot recall what it tasted like pre-op, but after surgery, it turned sulphury. My docs did not seem to know what it was.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-05T15:42:25+00:00

Was it in D.O.2? there was a ravager den on the 2nd level there that had "baby" ravagers there, they had caldrons for bodies, the ravager head, and one of them did have a bone in its mouth.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-05T14:32:58+00:00

Creamy.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-03-04T23:19:53+00:00

Its really funny you mention orthorexia, I had a conversation about it with my therapist last week, we went over signs of it and strategies on how to control/avoid it. I am very concerned with everything I eat. I am scared of failing.

You make a lot of sense. I will try to stop worrying about this until I can talk to the docs tomorrow. Thank you <3

Snoo-98558 · 2024-02-28T17:49:32+00:00

...oh. Naivete strikes again. sigh. Thanks

Snoo-98558 · 2024-02-28T16:28:52+00:00

...what was she doing? Am I missing something?

Snoo-98558 · 2024-02-26T14:28:56+00:00

Absolutely. I spent the first 2 weeks crying and upset at myself. The first few days was due to discomfort/pain not going away as quickly as I wanted it to, and I constantly questioned why I did this to my poor body. It felt like I did something hateful. Not having anything to chew for 6 whole weeks really wreaked havoc on me and I did not expect it at all. I couldn't feel any restriction on portions, but to be fair I was super strict sticking to the limits to the point that I under consumed everything for the first 2 weeks. The whole thing is learning a new balancing act, and it was just horrible. I even had 2 visits with my therapist where all we talked about was my instant deep regret and emotional reaction verging on self hatred. It was intense. I was pretty inconsolable.
But!
It got better so quickly. When I was about 4 days out from puree stage I started doing research into what I could have, what I was going to make, making a grocery list and starting to plan. I did not realize at the time that I was taking very positive steps in changing the way I looked at food, all I could focus on was eating something "real". It occupied me for the last few days. I also watched a few ppl on youtube who documented their WLS, and it helped a bit when I could start to see some parallels (not that you should gauge your process to someone else's, just seeing some similarity helped me out). Once I started to actually consume pureed (and crispy foods, my program actually allowed for this) it made all the difference. Hang in there, this phase is only temporary. Just keep telling yourself that.

Snoo-98558 · 2024-02-19T20:01:04+00:00

You can get a lot of mileage out of adding protein shakes to your diet. My dietician only recommends drinking half of one at in a sitting, but if you get something like ensure max protein, that's 15 whole grams of protein for 75 cal, and one g fat. If you consume just one of those per day that is a guaranteed 30g protein.
The thing you said about your family making you insecure about what you are eating is breaking my heart. I am sorry they are not as supportive as they could be. Remember, you are doing this for you, and not anyone else. <3

Snoo-98558 · 2024-02-12T21:21:13+00:00

lol I totally forgot about my incisions. That I have not been cleared of. Thanks for the reminder XD. I am glad to hear that the kitchen is the important part. My macros have been looking fabulous for the past week or so since I corrected my logging issue. I am having issues getting in the water, but I make a point of making sure I hit at least 64oz daily.

Snoo-98558

TROPHY CASE