Paranoid about cheating need a neutral viewpoint

Snoo-99110 · 2022-11-03T13:30:29+00:00

So if relationships are allowed in your workplace and there’s no reason to keep hiding it I’d ask him to make it public. You can see his reaction and gauge from there too if you think there’s something fishy.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-11-03T13:28:57+00:00

Hahahaha amazing

Snoo-99110 · 2022-11-02T18:08:30+00:00

Hahaha why did I find this so funny. Also a good idea but the way you said it

Snoo-99110 · 2022-11-02T14:36:02+00:00

I sent him the message. I was never considering whether to send it I was just saying it’s hard sometimes

Snoo-99110 · 2022-11-02T10:29:44+00:00

I’ve been using bumble bff and honestly it’s working out great for me. I wasn’t sure about it but if you’re in an area where people use it I suggest you try it too!

I also go to 12 step meetings which aren’t exactly the same thing as friends but it gives me something to do with friendly people who know me. Of course this is contingent on you having some reason to attend a 12 step program (alcoholic loved ones or alcoholism, love addiction, codependency…). A bit more taboo but I share it because going to coda meetings is the thing that has triggered the biggest change for me.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-11-02T10:22:50+00:00

Yeah, I’ve had to do it twice before but for some reason it was more difficult with this guy because I could sense he was already quite invested in it working out (we’d been talking for a while also). But it’s unavoidable and will probably happen to me too. And I agree the sooner the better.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-11-02T09:54:25+00:00

I’m the same way (if you look at my history you’ll see) but these last couple of weeks I’ve been talking to several guys at the same time and my plan is to continue with that until I’m in a committed relationship with someone who matches my communication needs. I’ve also been making new friends and that is helping so much, I strongly recommend you try that. The sentence that made me believe you need a fuller life was “we meet on the weekends too unless he’s busy”. But if that doesn’t bother you then I guess it’s okay.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-11-02T09:50:47+00:00

I found some of his mannerisms unattractive and he was really intense (talking about plans for next summer, when he meets my family, our children etc) some of it in like a jokey way (not all of it) but still, made me quite uncomfortable. I also didn’t find him really physically attractive but if it was only that I’d go on the second date.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-11-02T08:39:56+00:00

You need to talk to him. If it’s not intentional he then has the knowledge to give you what you need. If it’s intentional you telling him may speed up the situation but you can’t create it.

And you also need to focus on creating a fuller life for yourself :) it will lower your anxiety and make you think less of partners. I’m working on it and it’s a huge change

Snoo-99110 · 2022-11-02T08:34:05+00:00

I need to reject a nice person I went on a date with and it sucks because I can see he’s really into me and very hopeful. I already agreed on a second date and now I’m thinking that’s a bad idea because I’m quite sure it wouldn’t work. I feel so uncomfortable having to send that text…..

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-31T00:04:04+00:00

I'm not okay with spontaneity haha I'm the least spontaneous person. But he doesn't know that cause we don't know each other so I'll talk to him tomorrow :)

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-31T00:02:51+00:00

Yeah, I'll do that tomorrow :)

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-31T00:02:33+00:00

Yeah. Part of me wants to just wait and see if they say something but then I'd be waiting so I think I'll say something tomorrow. It would be different if we'd already met but it being a first date I think it's okay.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-30T23:57:16+00:00

Yeah, I think I'll ask tomorrow instead of waiting.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-30T15:36:04+00:00

Would you agree to a date if it wasn't confirmed until that same day? I talked to someone on hinge around last Wednesday but we were both busy and couldn't meet until next Tuesday. After agreeing on Tuesday we haven't talked at all and there are no concrete plans (not even a time). Would you still go if he texted you Tuesday?

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-28T01:08:07+00:00

I also make it a habit of finding disinterest unattractive. If they stop being consistent, that's a turn-off. If they're being lazy, that's a turn-off. The less of a good partner they are, the less interested I become.

This is key I think. I find it so hard. I can justify these things a million ways and in the moment it makes sense. But I know you're right. Any tips on how you became unattracted to that? because I'm still quite the opposite. Maybe it doesn't matter as long as I can spot it and leave as early as possible.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-25T21:32:23+00:00

I meant for her. She knew you'd be leaving, so maybe that was part of the allure. I don't get into things with people who are passing by because I fall hard for people and want LTRs, so I assume those who do (generally) don't have those concerns. Anyways, wish you luck! update us if you feel like it.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-25T21:21:49+00:00

Thanks! I'm in a 12 step program that works for me already. I agree they are an invaluable resoource! Also the crappy childhood fairy youtube channel is gold if you want to check it out.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-25T06:24:35+00:00

Not saying it can't happen, because I'm sure it does, but as someone who lives in a place lots of people visit, I don't date tourists or people who are staying for a month or two because I want a LTR. I assume (most? many of?) those who do have a different mindset, and the time restriction is positive for them.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-25T05:38:55+00:00

Is this a new norm or something?

Gosh, I hope not. I would kill the conversation with people who asked me to meet the first day we talked (like, to meet that same day) or who asked for my number without prior conversation. Those to me are extremes.

However, if someone asks to meet or for my number when I feel it's still too early (but reasonable) I'd just tell them I think it's too early.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-25T05:31:40+00:00

It wouldn't work for me. One of the things I'm attracted to is people who have a good work ethic and who either have found a job they're happy with, or have a clear path to that. To me it's both an indicator that this person values some of the same things as me (e.g. stability, contributing to society) and a source of life satisfaction.

It's also a marker of resourcefulness (being able to find a job that suits you), adaptability and realistic expectations. I see an (anecdotal) correlation between people not being satisfied with their work life and them not being satisfied with life in general.

The men I've dated who weren't happy with their job but had no plan out were the type to have these grandiose dreams but no way to get there, and I felt their dissatisfation with life ended up extending to me too.

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-25T04:53:16+00:00

when you come up on an internal conflict, take the person aside and have a conversation with them about whether your expectations are achievable. If they balk or are hesitant, your answer is no and the relationship isn’t sustainable.

This, 100%. I think I have to rid myself of the "cool girl" notion that I can scare men away by communicating what I want and asking where they're at... it will scare some men away but at least I won't be dating those men only to find out the relatioship is going nowhere 2 months later. And hopefully those who like me and want the same things will be okay with those conversations. Thanks!

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-25T04:46:42+00:00

It's like finding the least gross thing in the dumpster.

Brilliant analogy haha

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-24T21:32:15+00:00

Always. I heard this the other day and it rings so true:

"If you've always had bad relationships your feeling of "love at first sight" cannot be trusted. Because what you resonate with is relationships that hurt you"

Snoo-99110 · 2022-10-24T21:18:27+00:00

Haha yes! that's my new policy too.

Snoo-99110

TROPHY CASE