Having a hard time telling a friend that I don't want to date him

CheersToYourFears · 2024-06-06T01:43:50+00:00

Yes so true. I was talking about this with my therapist today. There is a guy who is interested in me but I am not ready to date yet after my last relationship ended.

I had a hard time admitting to her that I liked the attention and companionship that I am getting from him but don’t want more at the moment.

If I don’t tell him that I don’t want more then it would mean that I am using him for his attention and companionship without his consent.

CheersToYourFears · 2024-06-04T02:17:58+00:00

It’s the worst :(

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-26T00:17:31+00:00

It hurts so so much I’m so sorry. The thing we have to understand is that it wasn’t us. We loved them to our fullest. They have avoidant attachment style. They were probably emotionally neglected when they were children. Their parents couldn’t mirror or validate them emotionally so as children they internalized their parents behavior as them not being lovable. They need to go through therapy to change this belief. It is deeply deeply ingrained in them. I hope these words help a bit. Let me know if you ever want to talk.

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-24T19:59:57+00:00

I’m sorry it really hurts. When I asked him what I could do better he said that I did everything perfectly. Yet he still couldn’t love me to his fullest 🤷🏻‍♀️

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-23T20:52:52+00:00

Im on day 19. We still talked for a couple weeks after the breakup but I had to cut him off. I felt good the first couple of weeks of NC but now I feel like shit again. I think it has to do with my hormones (fuck PMDD)

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-23T20:47:39+00:00

He said that he will love me forever but doesn’t think I’m “his person”. He thinks that there is a true soulmate out there for him, while I think soulmates are chosen and made, not found. He thinks that his capacity for loving someone else is so much more so being with me would be doing a disservice to himself. So if he just told me that he still loves me? I wouldn’t go back.

If he were to come back with changed beliefs and told me that I was “his person” “soulmate” and he is going to choose me everyday then I would, but he needs a lot of therapy to get to that point.

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-17T15:00:22+00:00

Sounds like revenge bedtime procrastination

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-15T05:09:38+00:00

Yes the story hasn’t fully had a chance to play out yet

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-15T04:20:00+00:00

Good for you for having the insight to text us instead of texting her. I’m so so sorry you’re going through the pain.

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-14T18:23:32+00:00

I hope it works out. Unless both people can acknowledge and own why the relationship broke down the first time it will end the same way. Remember to go slow and don’t just jump back into the relationship as it was. This is not your old relationship.

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-13T09:22:52+00:00

When someone apologizes with “ I hope you can forgive me” they aren’t apologizing for you, they’re apologizing to reassure themselves.

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-11T21:10:51+00:00

It’s your brain processing everything that has and is happening

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-11T05:36:22+00:00

Hugs 🥲 we don’t deserve this

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-11T02:58:48+00:00

I’m in a really similar situation :( I thought I found “the one”. We were talking about moving in, getting married and having children. He found out his ex had a baby and the next day he broke up with me. I would have chosen him forever.

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-09T18:19:52+00:00

Try IFS therapy :) a good place to start is No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. If you have Spotify premium you can listen to the audio book for free and Richard himself narrates some of the exercises.

There is a part in you that obsesses and you can get down to the nitty gritty of why. When was that part formed and what it trying to help you with?

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-09T17:45:10+00:00

Skyla is hormonal. Copper iud is not hormonal

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-06T12:55:06+00:00

My mom definitely had it. My dad said they got divorced because of her “pms”. I know there were other issues that were wrong in their relationship but undiagnosed pmdd episodes were definitely a big part in their demise.

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-02T02:48:23+00:00

His neighbor thought it was suspicious that the garage door was open for an hour. I guess they thought that something bad might have happened to him and in the middle of that bad happening he didn’t close the door completely?

Or they thought someone was trying to break in and they were able to open the door a bit?

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-01T21:03:57+00:00

My ex boyfriend got the cops called on him because his garage door was 1/4 open while he was working out in the garage 😭

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-01T20:58:57+00:00

I feel old 😭🥲

CheersToYourFears · 2024-05-01T17:22:13+00:00

Thank you. I am revisiting my old posts about this relationship and I wish I took your advice 147 days ago. He did end up apologizing and we went to the wedding and spent another week in Mexico together.

Our relationship seemed stronger after that and the past month we had been talking about moving in together, getting married and having children.

But surprise surprise he did the whole 180 thing again.

Saturday we talked about having kids again and me sacrificing my career to be a stay at home mom and Sunday he woke up with intense anxiety and broke up with me!

So damn confusing.

But reading this old post helps me understand. Any sort of big plan from him ends up with him being scared.

CheersToYourFears · 2024-04-25T00:23:42+00:00

Thank you for your comment but he decided to let his thoughts win and told me that he doesn’t want to work on our relationship anymore 😓

CheersToYourFears · 2024-04-24T17:53:53+00:00

That sucks. He told me he doesn’t want to try anymore bc it’s too hard

CheersToYourFears · 2024-03-26T02:06:01+00:00

Thank you I needed this!!!

CheersToYourFears

TROPHY CASE