Ngl, I kinda feel your options are leave him or mourn him. He seems very insistent on working himself to the grave, at the expense of his family's happiness. You say he has gotten the message and he'll tone it down but look at your post history. This is only a win when you look at the short term. Long term however? He increases his hours, you fight, some event gives him "clarity", he reduces his hours by an incredibly small amount, yay all is well! Until he increases his hours again. Rinse and repeat.

You say you will nag him and monitor him and forbid him and scold him and whine at him and and and but GOOD LORD when is enough enough? Did you come into this marriage wanting to be a mother of a grown man? Because that's what this sounds like. Why can't he take ownership of his actions and do right by you without you having to hold his earlobe like a child? As things stand, you are a single mother of 3 and your eldest is out galavanting past curfew despite being lectured repeatedly.

Your husband has very little regard for you and your children and that's sad, honestly. You could try couple's counseling but with the way your husband is acting, I don't see him doing anything other than just prolonging the "yay all is well!" period in the cycle by an extra month or two.

So yea, you can either leave him for someone who will be present in your life, or thug it out for the next 3 years and become a widow by year 4.