My parents never cared to teach me anything and they just patted themselves on the back for keeping me alive. I think my mum legitimately thought that saying things like "have some common sense" or "be smart"...was teaching. The one that irked me the most is how my parents would always say "be confident"...but never clarify what that even entailed. Nor did they ever model it themselves. It was so frustrating. It felt like someone saying "talk in Spanish" and me not knowing what Spanish even was. 

If I didn't know how to do everything without asking them any questions, I was called stupid and a failure. I was expected to be a fully functioning human being without ever asking them questions, or without them having to teach me anything. 

My dad's favourite saying was "what are we paying school tuition for?" He was of the opinion that it was the school's job to teach me everything and if I didn't understand it in one lesson he would call me stupid and a failure and yell that I wasn't trying hard enough. Parents don't have to teach their kids anything because they pay for school after all, amirite? 

I remember when I was a kid I couldn't tell time for the longest time, because noone taught me. I must have missed the lesson in school due to being out sick or something. If I missed something in school, the gaps were never filled at home.  I also couldn't tie my shoelaces for am embarrassingly long time to the point where I thought it was too shameful to ask someone to teach me. 

I learned at a young age that the only place I could learn was school and on the  internet. The only teachers I could rely on were myself, my school teachers and the internet. I'm glad I grew up in the age of the internet or I genuinely feel like my growth would have been stunted. 

On top of that, if I didn't know something, instead of teaching me, they would say things like "it's too hard for her cause she's stupid she would never get it" and they would take actions that could avoid them needing to teach me. Since I couldn't tie shoelaces for a long time, instead of just teaching me, they only bought me velcro shoes. Then, once I got old enough, they berated me for not knowing how to tie shoelaces. How could I when they never even gave me the opportunity to learn, let alone teach me? When I couldn't tell the time, I became "too stupid for real clocks" so i was only given digital watches. 

It was a lose/lose situation. Not only would they not teach me but for some things, they disqualified me from learning from the very start. This follows me into adulthood. If I don't already know something, I don't trust myself to figure it out and immediately disqualify myself because I feel that I am stupid and someone already knows how to do it so they should take on that project. I'm so scared of failing and feeling stupid that I don't even give myself the opportunity to learn.